for Gogyo no Naruto(DISCONTINUED BEING REVISED)9/25/2016 c1 Guest
Stop with the random Japanese words! Please! It's so confusing!
Stop with the random Japanese words! Please! It's so confusing!
7/9/2016 c3 
4ScarletShad0w
The story and charcterisationis mostly well written and the plot is interesting.
But sometimes your characters tend to ramble on, giving information which wasn't asked to give some more background. This make the dialogue seem unnatural.
Also the japanese honorofics are kinda mixed up. As far as I know 'sochi' is a familiar way of refering to a son, so it is strange for people who don't know naruto to refer to him as sochi, especially as you refer to Kushina as 'musume'. 'musoko' would be more fitting as it is the male equivalent of 'musume'. The word for younger brother is otouto, not tou, tou sounds like a shortened form of tousan which means father. You also mix up the formality with Kushina and Minato. You refer to Minato as chichiue and Kushina as okaasan which are on a different level. Chichiue is more respectfull. I think it would be better to have them both on the same level, so chichiue and hahaue or otousan and okaasan or change depending on the familarity of the speaker. I seems strange to have Naruto call his father a formal chichiue when he calls the hokage jiji, that does not make sense.
4ScarletShad0wThe story and charcterisationis mostly well written and the plot is interesting.
But sometimes your characters tend to ramble on, giving information which wasn't asked to give some more background. This make the dialogue seem unnatural.
Also the japanese honorofics are kinda mixed up. As far as I know 'sochi' is a familiar way of refering to a son, so it is strange for people who don't know naruto to refer to him as sochi, especially as you refer to Kushina as 'musume'. 'musoko' would be more fitting as it is the male equivalent of 'musume'. The word for younger brother is otouto, not tou, tou sounds like a shortened form of tousan which means father. You also mix up the formality with Kushina and Minato. You refer to Minato as chichiue and Kushina as okaasan which are on a different level. Chichiue is more respectfull. I think it would be better to have them both on the same level, so chichiue and hahaue or otousan and okaasan or change depending on the familarity of the speaker. I seems strange to have Naruto call his father a formal chichiue when he calls the hokage jiji, that does not make sense.
5/16/2016 c13 marquis.shax
hmm after looking up the technique I can see how the four violet flames formation is similar to the uchiha kaenjin with the difference being the Uchiha barrier is cylindrical while the other is a squareish shape
hmm after looking up the technique I can see how the four violet flames formation is similar to the uchiha kaenjin with the difference being the Uchiha barrier is cylindrical while the other is a squareish shape
5/8/2016 c10 22Shinobi Gatana
another great chapter. well done. ps. thanks for checking out my the ryu shinobi. sorry for all lower case. my keyboard is broken.
22Shinobi Gatanaanother great chapter. well done. ps. thanks for checking out my the ryu shinobi. sorry for all lower case. my keyboard is broken.
5/6/2016 c13 guest
Roxie.88, kill yourself.
Roxie.88, kill yourself.
5/7/2016 c2 beachchand22
Reading the first few chapters. I noticed alot of spelling errors. worst fanfic I ever read.
Reading the first few chapters. I noticed alot of spelling errors. worst fanfic I ever read.
4/8/2016 c6 Vhiktor
I hate Thiz Fiction...U made Naruto look like some guy who is deeply interested in being famous...and it is so annoyinq...pls Just rethink ur view whether u actually want to write a fiction...or be a celebrity.
I hate Thiz Fiction...U made Naruto look like some guy who is deeply interested in being famous...and it is so annoyinq...pls Just rethink ur view whether u actually want to write a fiction...or be a celebrity.
4/1/2016 c5 Fanfiction Lord
I think you should stop using the word NE so much as it is now you have it starting almost every other sentence when Naruto is talking to someone. Also I believe you should eliminate the whisker marks on Yuri as I know Naruto got them through exposure to the Kyubi while in his mothers womb not after having had it sealed in him.
I think you should stop using the word NE so much as it is now you have it starting almost every other sentence when Naruto is talking to someone. Also I believe you should eliminate the whisker marks on Yuri as I know Naruto got them through exposure to the Kyubi while in his mothers womb not after having had it sealed in him.
4/1/2016 c12 Guest
really well written but i think you should stop with the japaneze it makes it confusing this will be in my top ten fanic though :)
really well written but i think you should stop with the japaneze it makes it confusing this will be in my top ten fanic though :)