for Gogyo no Naruto(DISCONTINUED BEING REVISED)2/19/2015 c2 
3NarutoFan11
Great content here, but the story is choppy and the sentence structure is bad to say the least. The story needs some heavy technical work but otherwise good job.
3NarutoFan11Great content here, but the story is choppy and the sentence structure is bad to say the least. The story needs some heavy technical work but otherwise good job.
2/15/2015 c3 2Marmot95
As always, your story is realy nice and I liked the idea of Minato and Kushina to be partly revived but maybe you should add that the Jutsu is binded to something so they can only be active in a special range so threr is a difference to the "real" persons and they can only exist as kage bushin sa long as the seal is save... something like that...
and I have to say this chapter was much easier to read since there where not so many japanese words in there wh do not have a special meaning like nii-san... or the jutsus... these kind of words are totaly fine, but normal words, like in the former chapters are just confusing and dimming the reading experiance...
Im looking foreward to read the next chapter...
see ya
Marmot
2Marmot95As always, your story is realy nice and I liked the idea of Minato and Kushina to be partly revived but maybe you should add that the Jutsu is binded to something so they can only be active in a special range so threr is a difference to the "real" persons and they can only exist as kage bushin sa long as the seal is save... something like that...
and I have to say this chapter was much easier to read since there where not so many japanese words in there wh do not have a special meaning like nii-san... or the jutsus... these kind of words are totaly fine, but normal words, like in the former chapters are just confusing and dimming the reading experiance...
Im looking foreward to read the next chapter...
see ya
Marmot
2/9/2015 c1 2AzureNight1994
isn't minato an orphan as such had no clan? so wouldn't it just be the senju/uzumaki clan
2AzureNight1994isn't minato an orphan as such had no clan? so wouldn't it just be the senju/uzumaki clan
2/9/2015 c3 ARevolt
Not too bad but personally I'm not much for naruto having his summons help sasuke with his fire manipulation but thats just me I guess, good luck with your story anyways
Not too bad but personally I'm not much for naruto having his summons help sasuke with his fire manipulation but thats just me I guess, good luck with your story anyways
2/1/2015 c2 8SithLordNilis
Continue or I will use the force to shock the next chapter out of you also I can beta
8SithLordNilisContinue or I will use the force to shock the next chapter out of you also I can beta
1/31/2015 c2 2jojo061
Hi, good start to what promises to be a good fic, I would personally prefer that you leave out the Japanese , its one thing about Naruto fics that drives me potty, I'm not Japanese and do not understand the language, if I did I would read Japanese fics not English ones, It really irritates me when I have to scroll down to the bottom to understand half the words written in paragraphs about training or fight scenes. the way I look at it is that the characters do not shout out the names of jutsu in a different language from the one they speak normally, in the anime they do not translate some words with some words left as Japanese, well except for the rasengan, so why people insist on doing so in their fics is beyond me, sorry about the mini rant but it really gets on my wick and every writer seems to do it, oh well, keep up the good work, see you next chapter.
2jojo061Hi, good start to what promises to be a good fic, I would personally prefer that you leave out the Japanese , its one thing about Naruto fics that drives me potty, I'm not Japanese and do not understand the language, if I did I would read Japanese fics not English ones, It really irritates me when I have to scroll down to the bottom to understand half the words written in paragraphs about training or fight scenes. the way I look at it is that the characters do not shout out the names of jutsu in a different language from the one they speak normally, in the anime they do not translate some words with some words left as Japanese, well except for the rasengan, so why people insist on doing so in their fics is beyond me, sorry about the mini rant but it really gets on my wick and every writer seems to do it, oh well, keep up the good work, see you next chapter.
1/30/2015 c2 5skg1991
I think you should limit your usage of Japanese words. While using terms like Jiji, ni-san, etc are all okay, using something like 'hatchi hours' is just plain wrong. Its simply better to say eight hours. Don't use Japanese words when and wherever possible.
5skg1991I think you should limit your usage of Japanese words. While using terms like Jiji, ni-san, etc are all okay, using something like 'hatchi hours' is just plain wrong. Its simply better to say eight hours. Don't use Japanese words when and wherever possible.
1/30/2015 c1 skg1991
The term 'Chichi-ue' is too formal..that word be something that the ever formal Hyuuga clan or Uchiha clan might use, for someone who is always informal like Naruto, 'tou-san' should be the appropriate term for father. Also for son, sometimes, 'musuko' or 'segare' are much more appropriate than 'sochi'.
The term 'Chichi-ue' is too formal..that word be something that the ever formal Hyuuga clan or Uchiha clan might use, for someone who is always informal like Naruto, 'tou-san' should be the appropriate term for father. Also for son, sometimes, 'musuko' or 'segare' are much more appropriate than 'sochi'.
1/28/2015 c1 mike russell
so far this story is really good
so far this story is really good
1/28/2015 c1 2NeoHummel
So, the story seems good so far, my biggest complaint is probably your grammar.
Most spoken sentences just seems way off, I can't really see anybody speaking like that.
For instance Hiruzen's 'explanation' to Naruto, he seemed to happy about certain things, and other places it seemed like he just remembered, like the information about the Uzumaki bloodline "Oh by the way your bloodline does blabla"
I would also like it if you spaced everything out more. having two different spoken bits immediately after each other with nothing else but a space to keep them apart makes for confusing reading.
Another thing is your somewhat excessive use of japanese words.
I admit that I like it when writers use honorifics and titles, like Sandaime Hokage instead of Third Fire Shadow and kaa-san/kaa-chan instead of mother, but including numbers, hachi-juu instead of just 80, seems like you are trying to impress or confuse the readers.
It's just a pet peeve I have, but I still like honorifics because they oftentimes convey more meaning then the proper english translation, compare plain 'sister' to nee-chan, nee-san or even nee-sama, or just Hinata or sister versus Hinata-nee.
In short, use japanese words where it actually concerns people, and jutsu, but leave out japanese words from descriptions. So use honorifics and jutsu-names but leave out numbers and the like.
Just my opinion, no pressure to follow it, it will probably not be a dealbreaker for me.
And in closing, whenever you use any japanese words, please include a translation, preferably in the A/N at the bottom, including it in the text breaks up the narrative, I *hate* A/N's in the middle of the story.
Many people who frequent Naruto stories probably know the most common, but don't count on it.
2NeoHummelSo, the story seems good so far, my biggest complaint is probably your grammar.
Most spoken sentences just seems way off, I can't really see anybody speaking like that.
For instance Hiruzen's 'explanation' to Naruto, he seemed to happy about certain things, and other places it seemed like he just remembered, like the information about the Uzumaki bloodline "Oh by the way your bloodline does blabla"
I would also like it if you spaced everything out more. having two different spoken bits immediately after each other with nothing else but a space to keep them apart makes for confusing reading.
Another thing is your somewhat excessive use of japanese words.
I admit that I like it when writers use honorifics and titles, like Sandaime Hokage instead of Third Fire Shadow and kaa-san/kaa-chan instead of mother, but including numbers, hachi-juu instead of just 80, seems like you are trying to impress or confuse the readers.
It's just a pet peeve I have, but I still like honorifics because they oftentimes convey more meaning then the proper english translation, compare plain 'sister' to nee-chan, nee-san or even nee-sama, or just Hinata or sister versus Hinata-nee.
In short, use japanese words where it actually concerns people, and jutsu, but leave out japanese words from descriptions. So use honorifics and jutsu-names but leave out numbers and the like.
Just my opinion, no pressure to follow it, it will probably not be a dealbreaker for me.
And in closing, whenever you use any japanese words, please include a translation, preferably in the A/N at the bottom, including it in the text breaks up the narrative, I *hate* A/N's in the middle of the story.
Many people who frequent Naruto stories probably know the most common, but don't count on it.