for Gogyo no Naruto(DISCONTINUED BEING REVISED)7/30/2018 c26 marquis.shax
It seems that the idea of the yokai swords is from Inuyasha but I don't blame you as it's hard to come up with your own original deal considering almost everything you can think of has either been done by another Fanfic author or by an actual manga author lol
It seems that the idea of the yokai swords is from Inuyasha but I don't blame you as it's hard to come up with your own original deal considering almost everything you can think of has either been done by another Fanfic author or by an actual manga author lol
7/17/2018 c2 Guest
why are you useing the word sochi instead of son that would sound better sochi should be used only by his mother or father
why are you useing the word sochi instead of son that would sound better sochi should be used only by his mother or father
7/9/2018 c4 
1TheWateringWizard
I’m not gonna repeat this every time but the dialogues are very robotic and unnatural especially for 6 year olds. And the news delivery to Sasuke and his reaction could’ve been done better.
1TheWateringWizardI’m not gonna repeat this every time but the dialogues are very robotic and unnatural especially for 6 year olds. And the news delivery to Sasuke and his reaction could’ve been done better.
7/9/2018 c3 TheWateringWizard
Why Ebisu and Konohamaru leave while Hiruzen stayed ? Wasn’t Hiruzen supposed to spend time with his grandson ?
And why did the Uchiha leave ? Weren’t they supposed to have dinner ?
“appeared in a leaf shunshin no jutsu”, you don’t have to always write like that. Just saying “he appeared in a shunshin” is fine.
Same for the city names, if it’s something speaking he can say Kiri or Kumo, you don’t need to go all the way with Kirigakure no Sato.
“It will be reestablished in Konoha when he is old enough”, I’m sorry but that has nothing to do in the dialogue. No one would say that especially to someone they just met.
Once again, the dialogue feels pretty unnatural and robotic. I feel like you could’ve spaced out their progression over the 6 years they have till they leave the academy.
Otherwise the idea is good. It will feature a nice Sasuke and maybe some nice NaruHina (please do give us some fluff)
Why Ebisu and Konohamaru leave while Hiruzen stayed ? Wasn’t Hiruzen supposed to spend time with his grandson ?
And why did the Uchiha leave ? Weren’t they supposed to have dinner ?
“appeared in a leaf shunshin no jutsu”, you don’t have to always write like that. Just saying “he appeared in a shunshin” is fine.
Same for the city names, if it’s something speaking he can say Kiri or Kumo, you don’t need to go all the way with Kirigakure no Sato.
“It will be reestablished in Konoha when he is old enough”, I’m sorry but that has nothing to do in the dialogue. No one would say that especially to someone they just met.
Once again, the dialogue feels pretty unnatural and robotic. I feel like you could’ve spaced out their progression over the 6 years they have till they leave the academy.
Otherwise the idea is good. It will feature a nice Sasuke and maybe some nice NaruHina (please do give us some fluff)
7/7/2018 c1 Guest
All of your japanese sort of things regarding names, family and so ob is very much over the top and should really in all hobesty be toned down a bit
-Wolfy
All of your japanese sort of things regarding names, family and so ob is very much over the top and should really in all hobesty be toned down a bit
-Wolfy
7/9/2018 c2 TheWateringWizard
Well that was a big chapter ! But the dialogues feel very clunky, robotic... I don’t how to properly say it but Naruto and Sasuke’s dialogues feel very weird sometimes for six year olds. Even when one of them is explaining something try to blend it more instead of having them spout a big paragraph.
You also shouldn’t be afraid of splitting someone’s dialogue up more. Usually it’s Naruto who asks five questions in a row and the other person answers everything at once. One or two questions at a time would be better.
Well that was a big chapter ! But the dialogues feel very clunky, robotic... I don’t how to properly say it but Naruto and Sasuke’s dialogues feel very weird sometimes for six year olds. Even when one of them is explaining something try to blend it more instead of having them spout a big paragraph.
You also shouldn’t be afraid of splitting someone’s dialogue up more. Usually it’s Naruto who asks five questions in a row and the other person answers everything at once. One or two questions at a time would be better.
6/24/2018 c1 Guest
you dumb nigga he wasn't attacked who's so dumb and attacks the kyubi no joko you all know where you stand in the fanfiction community at the bottom next to the basher
you dumb nigga he wasn't attacked who's so dumb and attacks the kyubi no joko you all know where you stand in the fanfiction community at the bottom next to the basher