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for The Future Trap

8/23/2016 c8 68CraftyNotepad
Alex's realization of betrayal by their parents is a pivotal point in this retake on the classic movie. "Betrayal" and "revenge" walk hand-in-hand in most literary works and it would have been a cinch to have "updated" the plot in a more Aunt Pim-like direction right here. Righteous indignation, indeed! That said, you're to be congratulated for taking the high road in walking the healthier response of repair and restoration over revenge. Less bloodshed and more winners all around your way, so we'll be anticipating a happy ending from you, and not one of those Hollywood reboots where the kids would have cannibalized one or more adults while family camping in the woods. Thank you much.

Their situation is broken and the boys are planning on fixing it. It would have been nicer if you would have let us in on what inspired this fine plan, a real treat. You can make it up to us, however by inserting a bit more PotF in this crossover. How about some H. G. Wells teachers guest appearing, referencing Barbara-like cooking skills, or Pickford ketchup?

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7/25/2016 c7 CraftyNotepad
Ignatz, you could have hit me with one of those bricks. I, for one, did not see that one coming up, Squire Phil.
7/5/2016 c6 CraftyNotepad
A Welcomed Update, Tew!

You've successfully captured the energy of this classic scene, adding to it your very own PotF touches. There's some repetitive language about, which ordinarily makes the writing less interesting. In this case, you haven't "freaked me out" as the phrases being over used only reinforce the image of the boys being tweens, when every sentence seems to signify a stunted vocabulary by including the same descriptive adjective. Thankfully, you haven't had either of them stuck on the word "kool" to describe everything. Very not cool. (Though, "ta-dow" making an appearance would be ta-dow!).

Now, as to Aunt Pim ...
... if you were his pranking aunt, and your nephew was going to be away at camp for a month and a half meeting new vict- new camping buddies - unaware of his mischievous reputation, wouldn't you (as a loving and supportive role model only interested in the moral development of your brother's son, of course) mail him a care package filled with opportunities to make his summer the prankfest he'd never forget? You would. You know you would. You so would.

As for your intention of more frequent updates, it is a story taking place during summer vacation, right? Posting new chapters and completing your tale before the new fall semester begins would make reading _The Future Trap_ all the more real.

Until Alex boobytraps James's bunk with a plethora of pointy popsicle punji sticks,
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10/19/2015 c5 CraftyNotepad
Sorry OCMM went all kahflooie.
Isolation cabin time.
Gotta wonder what a downgrade of cabin life at space camp would be like. Authentic 1960s dehydrated space food which crumbles in their hands before the first taste? Mmm ... flavored sawdust.
Lose their cell phones and have them replaced with shortwave radios? This is PTotF 20-15 calling FutureBoy 2-1-2-1. Over.
Denied access to the latrine and issued Pampers for big boys? Aw, c'mon. "Hello Kitty?"

Gotta say, while your communications were done well, I sympathize with their parents. Those messages were about as satisfying as postcards without the pretty pictures. Those boys oughtta write more. Maybe they'll have something to write home about soon, huh? Time for the twins to put two and two together, tew. Next chappie ought to fun. (Admit it, you thought I was gonna say "Out-of-this-World.")

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9/27/2015 c1 9FangirlHufflepuff
Please continue this story. It is really good.
9/20/2015 c1 3skeletonrae
Some grammatical mistakes, but it looks like you might be able to pull this x-over off.
5/16/2015 c4 68CraftyNotepad
Other than plugging Phil and Keely into The Parent Trap, James learning that his father is worthy of a value ranking above toe-jam before running into his twin is a nice departure from the PT storyline, and likely a necessary one if the boys are to begin talking. More importantly, it establishes that Keely doesn't actually loathe Phil, which would make all the brothers' upcoming machinations moot. Now comes the pranking (a solid common factor both of your choices for a crossover share), the forced cohabitation, and the planning. Of course, this is NASA, so more can be expected than popsicle sticks and string, despite Keely's insistence on a pranking ceiling. Do you smell "jetpack," tew592?

Keely was slightly disappointing when it came to negotiating mail with her son. While she definitely is successful as coming across as a true mom, she could have been a funnier authentic mom. "Yeah, a guess two a week is too much. Okay, James, just write me every other day then." Her boy, distracted by the excitement of space camp, agrees without realizing until later what he's done. (a time-released funny)

"Jamison"? Poor kid. At least he didn't compare his mom's derrière to a celestial body; otherwise, she really would have grounded this astronaut, permanently.

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2/19/2015 c3 CraftyNotepad
Phil's being a doo-doo head. Yes, I realize his behavior is deserving of stronger language, but FanFiction's censoring software would surely stop him from being labeled an enormous *&$#! Talk about selfish: "I want to be happy again." There is no "I" in "Father," Phil. Yes, you were depressed, working yourself into an ulcer and an early grave, but that was your own fault. You weren't working with, but for your partner. Keely never intended on being your arm candy, but the one you shared the building of a life with. But, that's spilled tomato juice. You've moved on, so we'll do the same. After all, this is a crossover and Phil's having to take on a new role, the roll of a doo-doo head. Selfish. I did mention that he's being selfish? Good.

Phil and son are going down under? Did not see that one coming, and that's particularly good in any story, and most welcomed in a crossover. Keep 'em coming, tew!

Keely's desire to talk their problems out was a nice change for her character, yet Phil's having a plan of his own and not being interested in deviating from it was so Lloyd Diffy. He is his father's son. Keely easily fit into the role of young Phil attempting to get Lloyd to change his mind or at least listen. Not an easy role when Phil's listening skills had gone stale. Nice try though, Keels. You don't know it, but he was on the verge of caving - good use of story telling, tew, by letting your audience in on a secret your character is oblivious of.

Space Camp fits in well with our futuristic Mr. Diffy, though it's still unclear to me if you're actually including the whole "from the future" backstory for your Phil and Keely. Maybe a swiped Wizrd will surface at Space Camp? We'll soon see, which is to say that you're very impressive for updating both your stories in such a frequent manner. Two tales at once is quite a feat.

Wonderful slip-of-the-tongue moment involving Keely significance for Alex; he did seem to let his father get away with squashing such important data far too easily for a tween. You're forgiven, however as this was surely inserted for a plot device involving Phil's feelings which will later resurface at camp. (Thank you for not sending him to band camp!) Alex certainly is excited about Space Camp, but we all know why parents really ship their offspring away to complete strangers and questionable cuisine. The Parent Trap is a perfect example of what grumps do when their children are off the reservation. Can't wait to find out who you're going to use to for the third side of your love triangle, tew.

Easily your best chapter so far.

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2/10/2015 c2 CraftyNotepad
Very raw, in the good way, tew592! You've expressed the states of both Keely and Phil with raw honesty, avoiding the standard stereotyping and cliches. You've made them real people we can care about. This is not to say that Jane Porter isn't enjoyable - - she's a hoot! No "doctor" in front of her name; she probably completed a three hour Saturday workshop on marriage counseling and has the certificate to prove it. Can't imagine anyone being in a relationship with her, so any advice she pushes on the Diffys will have all the worth of an empty bag of wallaberries. But none of that matters, because the Diffys are talking, setting up the premise for this tale of trap to be sprung upon us. We should know this is what you're up to, tew, but Porter provides such a cartoony performance that we're distracted and we just enjoy the funny forced upon the divorcing Diffys. It really does provide balance to what could have been a heavy and depressing chapter. So glad you assigned Jane to this case!

Presenting Keely and Phil's perspectives - Bravo! Keely is abstract, talking about the ethereal qualities she valued in her partner, while Phil is concrete, or he wishes he head. It's the spiritual bond of two loves vs. the day in and day out grind of married life, the high ideals meet the real world ... Absolutely wonderful. When all is said and done, none of it matters a bit, because, as you point out in the chapter's closing, these aren't two people and they haven't been people for a some time; they're two parents. In the end, they will have to do what they think is good for their children, and with that revelation you've convincingly laid the foundation for their separation, emphasis on "convincingly," - not an easy task for the two voted "Cutest Couple."

Nice writing!

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1/30/2015 c1 CraftyNotepad
Hi tew592!

Another welcomed addition to the PotF Crossovers! Are you going to be pulling from both versions of Disney's Parent Trap? I'm more of a Team Hayley sort, myself. Which ever, your twins have their work cut out for them. Yikes! This is not starting out with a wedded "happily ever after" in Pickford first chappie.

Now, you've asked so nicely for feedback, who could refuse? This is an interesting concept and it's never been voiced here before, so it fills both of my requirements for a successful PotF story:
(1) PotF Readers love new territory,
(2) PofF Readers like being fed often.
That's it. We're a pretty easy-to-satisfy kind of crowd here. This crossover clearly satisfies #1 and you have a track record of being able to deliver on the second one, so congratulations are in order. Well done! On top of those, your choice of a popular pairing for a crossover match ensures a target audience which already is familiar with Disney productions. So glad you decided against your other choice of PotF and Saw IV.

Lots of turmoil in the premiering chapter - very Shakespearian - makes for an engaging read, and choosing the hair dryer rather than a vase or paperweight helped to authenticate Keely's presence in the story as the Kees who we're familiar with. That, and that she held on to her maiden name. I enjoyed your portrayal of wedded bliss to bitterness in just two years' time as establishing serious conflict with a few examples in one piece of Phil's dialogue and allowing the readers to imagine the rest themselves. That's very tight writing which few writers do successfully. Again, well done.

I'm looking forward to see your take on this mash-up. Keep in mind, folks do know the Parent Trap, so along with key moments associated with both series which your readers can relate to, toss in some surprises of your own. You've already introduced the classic staff from the Parent Trap, so it will be interesting to read and discover if any other Phil of the Future characters or tidbits (the twins discovering at camp how they both only having four toes on each foot, fold their pizza down the middle, etc. like their daddy) emerge in your new story. Gram and Gramps Speckle, Anyone?

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