for The Enemy Within5/7/2016 c36 
871-1 Marines
Why do I have the feeling that Palps assigned Ozzel to be the Captain of Ahsoka's flagship solely in an effort to get her killed or something? I admittedly did wonder why Ozzel was a Major in those comics (I read about them on Wookieepedia), though Tarkin made Daala an Admiral even though she was good at ground tactics, so stupid assignments are canonical (though Palps promoted him to Captain, a naval rank). I must read Allegiance (hopefully during this summer).
Good to see Ahsoka verbally drop Ozzel like a used condom. I trust his apparent sexism is why he's so dismissive of both Padmé and Ahsoka? Though Needa should be a Lieutenant Commander or Commander rather than a Major since he's a naval officer (I think he was a Lieutenant Commander in ROTS's novelization).
Good to see Bail, like your portrayal of Gillmunn, is smart enough to apologize when he inadvertently pisses Jedi off. Nice dig at Mon Mothma and lampshading of Padmé's stupidity on the CIS (and she described them rather accurately when she finally gained a clue). If not for Lucas's political views, I'd honestly guess that Padmé's pro-diplomacy stance in TCW was a satire on liberal politicians.
Good to see Reality Ensues in that the Nelvaanians are going to need specialized care. Hell, all Ahsoka would need to say is, "Durd tried to escape with his sadisitc scientists, but I destroyed their ship before they could flee. They were all killed." No need to even lie, Exact Words only.
*spoilers ahead* Tenant isn't a worthless bureaucrat and in fact both seems to be relatively competent and a friend of Tarkin's (and I doubt Tarkin would like associating with idiots like Motti), so if you want Ahsoka to still be pissed at him just make him like your version of Gillmunn: Decent, but not excellent. Or Ahsoka is just generally irritable after all her stress and him inadvertently offending her.
871-1 MarinesWhy do I have the feeling that Palps assigned Ozzel to be the Captain of Ahsoka's flagship solely in an effort to get her killed or something? I admittedly did wonder why Ozzel was a Major in those comics (I read about them on Wookieepedia), though Tarkin made Daala an Admiral even though she was good at ground tactics, so stupid assignments are canonical (though Palps promoted him to Captain, a naval rank). I must read Allegiance (hopefully during this summer).
Good to see Ahsoka verbally drop Ozzel like a used condom. I trust his apparent sexism is why he's so dismissive of both Padmé and Ahsoka? Though Needa should be a Lieutenant Commander or Commander rather than a Major since he's a naval officer (I think he was a Lieutenant Commander in ROTS's novelization).
Good to see Bail, like your portrayal of Gillmunn, is smart enough to apologize when he inadvertently pisses Jedi off. Nice dig at Mon Mothma and lampshading of Padmé's stupidity on the CIS (and she described them rather accurately when she finally gained a clue). If not for Lucas's political views, I'd honestly guess that Padmé's pro-diplomacy stance in TCW was a satire on liberal politicians.
Good to see Reality Ensues in that the Nelvaanians are going to need specialized care. Hell, all Ahsoka would need to say is, "Durd tried to escape with his sadisitc scientists, but I destroyed their ship before they could flee. They were all killed." No need to even lie, Exact Words only.
*spoilers ahead* Tenant isn't a worthless bureaucrat and in fact both seems to be relatively competent and a friend of Tarkin's (and I doubt Tarkin would like associating with idiots like Motti), so if you want Ahsoka to still be pissed at him just make him like your version of Gillmunn: Decent, but not excellent. Or Ahsoka is just generally irritable after all her stress and him inadvertently offending her.
4/28/2016 c35 1-1 Marines
Is the probe the same one used in the micro series? Good description regardless.
Smart move to have Echo and Ahsoka use camo cloaks that concealed their thermal/infrared signatures.
Actually had to look up "spelunking," but nice for Ahsoka to not immediately rush in considering the tunnel was a trap.
Yeah, considering how the mines in RC can be disarmed if you crouch, it makes sense that the proximity sensors are practically worthless.
Nice lampshading on Durd's survival from Ahsoka as well as stealth from both her and Echo.
So did Durd have the clone's growth rapidly accelerated and trained him to be a double? Of course, being the most blatantly villainous character from TCW, I doubt he cared about said clone degenerating.
Why am I unsurprised that the lead Skakoan is a sadistic Mad Scientist? Of course, this isn't the facility that would employ anyone with a sense of ethics.
Were these Nelvaanians intended to combat Jedi due to their stun blasters and thickened hides?
It makes sense that the scout correctly guessed that Ahsoka and Echo were there to help. The belts can be explained as overriding the Nelvaanians' nervous systems or something.
Hand signals are a good way to communicate across language barriers.
Nice to see Ahsoka threaten a Smug Snake. Considering how she's now more of an anti-hero like Anakin, could you classify her as a Gray Jedi?
Can the Nelvaanians change their blasts from stun to kill? But good action scene.
Nice scene with Echo and the warriors being injured, with some of the latter killed. I think he actually lost an arm canonically thanks to the shuttle exploding.
Good to see Ahsoka Kick the SOBs. Durd evidently escaped prison already in your continuity, so executing him Dredd-style made sense.
Overall good update.
Is the probe the same one used in the micro series? Good description regardless.
Smart move to have Echo and Ahsoka use camo cloaks that concealed their thermal/infrared signatures.
Actually had to look up "spelunking," but nice for Ahsoka to not immediately rush in considering the tunnel was a trap.
Yeah, considering how the mines in RC can be disarmed if you crouch, it makes sense that the proximity sensors are practically worthless.
Nice lampshading on Durd's survival from Ahsoka as well as stealth from both her and Echo.
So did Durd have the clone's growth rapidly accelerated and trained him to be a double? Of course, being the most blatantly villainous character from TCW, I doubt he cared about said clone degenerating.
Why am I unsurprised that the lead Skakoan is a sadistic Mad Scientist? Of course, this isn't the facility that would employ anyone with a sense of ethics.
Were these Nelvaanians intended to combat Jedi due to their stun blasters and thickened hides?
It makes sense that the scout correctly guessed that Ahsoka and Echo were there to help. The belts can be explained as overriding the Nelvaanians' nervous systems or something.
Hand signals are a good way to communicate across language barriers.
Nice to see Ahsoka threaten a Smug Snake. Considering how she's now more of an anti-hero like Anakin, could you classify her as a Gray Jedi?
Can the Nelvaanians change their blasts from stun to kill? But good action scene.
Nice scene with Echo and the warriors being injured, with some of the latter killed. I think he actually lost an arm canonically thanks to the shuttle exploding.
Good to see Ahsoka Kick the SOBs. Durd evidently escaped prison already in your continuity, so executing him Dredd-style made sense.
Overall good update.
4/19/2016 c34 1-1 Marines
Good way for the group to handle things.
Yeah, Grievous would throw a fit at the droids becoming even more useless (though their comic relief tendencies apparently decreased overtime). Also, did you like Traviss's realism with the droids outnumbering the clones 100-to-1 or so? Seriously, having trillions of droids and only a few million clones would probably have just resulted in a Republic defeat even with Palpatine's skills at playing everyone like a fiddle.
Yeah, the Nelvaanians not succeeding against the Techno Union is pure Reality Ensues. Look at when the Nightsisters got attacked by Grievous. Good meeting between Ahsoka and the Chieftain-at least a bunch of clones didn't die this time.
Ahsoka becoming somewhat arrogant is just like Anakin getting cocky-natural. Success can go to anyone's head, plus after all the shit she's been through I can understand her not liking it whenever someone second guesses her (especially given her track record).
Why am I unsurprised that Kal had to fake Ruusaan's death? At least he didn't have to taze Aubrie and Nolan or something (which would land his ass in VERY hot water). And the taxpayers probably lost less, so YAY!
Good reasoning for both why Anakin didn't just BDZ the factory and Ahsoka's plan. Yeah, I doubt Ahsoka would hurt Padmé's feelings intentionally considered she's the beloved wife of her surrogate brother (if somewhat stupid at times).
Yeah, I doubt Ruu would appreciate being "replaced" by Ordo and his brothers, especially since she didn't sign the parental divorce even if she didn't keep in touch. Of course, getting to know them better would help change things (especially when she realizes they're far from mindless slaves).
Overall good update with minimal errors as always. Also, while Wu wasn't nearly as bad as Hou-Ting and in fact actually nice if annoying (like Jar Jar), yeah, he was clearly intended to be a satire on Western-backed monarchs.
Good way for the group to handle things.
Yeah, Grievous would throw a fit at the droids becoming even more useless (though their comic relief tendencies apparently decreased overtime). Also, did you like Traviss's realism with the droids outnumbering the clones 100-to-1 or so? Seriously, having trillions of droids and only a few million clones would probably have just resulted in a Republic defeat even with Palpatine's skills at playing everyone like a fiddle.
Yeah, the Nelvaanians not succeeding against the Techno Union is pure Reality Ensues. Look at when the Nightsisters got attacked by Grievous. Good meeting between Ahsoka and the Chieftain-at least a bunch of clones didn't die this time.
Ahsoka becoming somewhat arrogant is just like Anakin getting cocky-natural. Success can go to anyone's head, plus after all the shit she's been through I can understand her not liking it whenever someone second guesses her (especially given her track record).
Why am I unsurprised that Kal had to fake Ruusaan's death? At least he didn't have to taze Aubrie and Nolan or something (which would land his ass in VERY hot water). And the taxpayers probably lost less, so YAY!
Good reasoning for both why Anakin didn't just BDZ the factory and Ahsoka's plan. Yeah, I doubt Ahsoka would hurt Padmé's feelings intentionally considered she's the beloved wife of her surrogate brother (if somewhat stupid at times).
Yeah, I doubt Ruu would appreciate being "replaced" by Ordo and his brothers, especially since she didn't sign the parental divorce even if she didn't keep in touch. Of course, getting to know them better would help change things (especially when she realizes they're far from mindless slaves).
Overall good update with minimal errors as always. Also, while Wu wasn't nearly as bad as Hou-Ting and in fact actually nice if annoying (like Jar Jar), yeah, he was clearly intended to be a satire on Western-backed monarchs.
4/15/2016 c33 1-1 Marines
Now that is a family reunion.
It's reasonable for Ruusaan to be upset, because Kal wouldn't attend her mother's funeral (the brothers even explained that for disowning him), has been out of contact for years, thinks he's a jackboot (though Kal's actually trying to help the clones), and is about to be sent to firing squad land.
Nice counter argument on Kal's part. Even if the ideals of the CIS are noble (decentralized governance and whatnot), 9/10 Separatists in TCW were Saturday morning cartoon villains or worse.
Nice way of describing Ahsoka bulking up, though wouldn't Echo be a Commander if he was in charge of a Legion? Also, Ahsoka probably had a good diet since she was raised in the Temple, so there's the nutrition that could easily help make her taller than most girls.
Good infiltration on Ahsoka's part. Glad to see you kept my points about Echo in mind. Also, I think I got the chrome heat resistance from Wookieepedia, and apparently Phasma's armor provides some radiation protection.
Now that is a family reunion.
It's reasonable for Ruusaan to be upset, because Kal wouldn't attend her mother's funeral (the brothers even explained that for disowning him), has been out of contact for years, thinks he's a jackboot (though Kal's actually trying to help the clones), and is about to be sent to firing squad land.
Nice counter argument on Kal's part. Even if the ideals of the CIS are noble (decentralized governance and whatnot), 9/10 Separatists in TCW were Saturday morning cartoon villains or worse.
Nice way of describing Ahsoka bulking up, though wouldn't Echo be a Commander if he was in charge of a Legion? Also, Ahsoka probably had a good diet since she was raised in the Temple, so there's the nutrition that could easily help make her taller than most girls.
Good infiltration on Ahsoka's part. Glad to see you kept my points about Echo in mind. Also, I think I got the chrome heat resistance from Wookieepedia, and apparently Phasma's armor provides some radiation protection.
4/12/2016 c32 1-1 Marines
You beat me when it came to posting the updates, congrats.
Good to see Skirata be a reasonable Papa Wolf in that he acknowledges why Ruu's on her way to firing squad land to be used as target practice even if he obviously isn't okay with it. Ironically the Republic is actually being smarter here than America when it comes to dealing with unlawful combatants.
Luzgoti is officially the stupidest Humanocentrist ever. Of all time. Considering what Ahsoka did to II-Raz, it makes sense that she'd deal with him this way,
Glad to see the two spooks sent to question Skirata were reasonable. I wonder if Republic Intel was the equivalent of the FBI...
Figures that Ordo would be relatively nonchalant about Luzgoti buying the farm.
Looking forward to seeing Bo-Katan and her troops wipe out Maul's lackeys.
Ah, Nelvaan. How pleasant. On a random note, I should have asked this WAY earlier but I trust Ahsoka selected Echo as her XO (even though he didn't even start out as a Sergeant) due to both knowing him well and him being an ARC trooper?
I was surprised to see Nolan as a naval officer considering he had stated he was gonna join the Republic Army and was experienced in ground combat. But good to see him nonetheless.
Ah, so you actually think Aubrie's 5'8? Patriot-112 (who seems to have relaxed his views on Disney judging by Deviantart) pegged her as 12, and I myself thought she was kinda short/young. But hey, she was a pleasant surprise as well. Are Nolan and Aubrie dating?
Figures that Marik and Zule would oversee cross-training at Carida. Are Special Missions regiments based off something from KOTOR?
Yeah, honestly it makes sense for the Empire and ORSF to be mainly Humans due to logistics. Seriously, would you try cramming a Wookiee in Stormtrooper armor? Or teaching everyone Shyriiwook or something? Plus as I've said before Mas Amedda is canonically the Grand Vizier as of Rebels, so clearly the Empire isn't officially racist. Wouldn't Twi'leks and Togrutas have a hard time wearing helmets due to their lekku and montrals?
Yeah, odds are there are just as many alien bigots as Human ones (the Twi'lek calling some species "freaks").
Oh, Ruu's in for a reunion.
Overall good work, nice update.
You beat me when it came to posting the updates, congrats.
Good to see Skirata be a reasonable Papa Wolf in that he acknowledges why Ruu's on her way to firing squad land to be used as target practice even if he obviously isn't okay with it. Ironically the Republic is actually being smarter here than America when it comes to dealing with unlawful combatants.
Luzgoti is officially the stupidest Humanocentrist ever. Of all time. Considering what Ahsoka did to II-Raz, it makes sense that she'd deal with him this way,
Glad to see the two spooks sent to question Skirata were reasonable. I wonder if Republic Intel was the equivalent of the FBI...
Figures that Ordo would be relatively nonchalant about Luzgoti buying the farm.
Looking forward to seeing Bo-Katan and her troops wipe out Maul's lackeys.
Ah, Nelvaan. How pleasant. On a random note, I should have asked this WAY earlier but I trust Ahsoka selected Echo as her XO (even though he didn't even start out as a Sergeant) due to both knowing him well and him being an ARC trooper?
I was surprised to see Nolan as a naval officer considering he had stated he was gonna join the Republic Army and was experienced in ground combat. But good to see him nonetheless.
Ah, so you actually think Aubrie's 5'8? Patriot-112 (who seems to have relaxed his views on Disney judging by Deviantart) pegged her as 12, and I myself thought she was kinda short/young. But hey, she was a pleasant surprise as well. Are Nolan and Aubrie dating?
Figures that Marik and Zule would oversee cross-training at Carida. Are Special Missions regiments based off something from KOTOR?
Yeah, honestly it makes sense for the Empire and ORSF to be mainly Humans due to logistics. Seriously, would you try cramming a Wookiee in Stormtrooper armor? Or teaching everyone Shyriiwook or something? Plus as I've said before Mas Amedda is canonically the Grand Vizier as of Rebels, so clearly the Empire isn't officially racist. Wouldn't Twi'leks and Togrutas have a hard time wearing helmets due to their lekku and montrals?
Yeah, odds are there are just as many alien bigots as Human ones (the Twi'lek calling some species "freaks").
Oh, Ruu's in for a reunion.
Overall good work, nice update.
4/12/2016 c32 15SWEUFan2007
Glad to see that you're not giving up on this story. Sorry to hear about your connection problems, and I hope that they get resolved quickly. Anyway, a good chapter with plenty of good EU references, and I look forward to what happens next. May the force be with you.
15SWEUFan2007Glad to see that you're not giving up on this story. Sorry to hear about your connection problems, and I hope that they get resolved quickly. Anyway, a good chapter with plenty of good EU references, and I look forward to what happens next. May the force be with you.
3/17/2016 c31 871-1 Marines
A stun prod could kill Uthan, but odds are that, yes, it would just be painful for her.
Mando'a needs to be italicized and beskar'gam and aruetiise should not be capitalized. But good point on Kal's part.
Figures that Kal would still be paranoid.
Yeah, given how Niner wanted to report Sull's desertion due to him technically abandoning his brothers it makes sense that Ahsoka would be shocked. Also, besides them having different signatures in the Force, clones would probably look and sound slightly different due to a buddy of mine saying no two fetuses develop alike. Hell, a couple of clones had blue eyes even though Jango had brown ones.
Oh, Uthan is gonna be hit hard once undeniable evidence is shown to her of Dooku's vile acts. Seriously, in TCW he makes Sinclair (the toxic leader of the VSA) look nice by comparison.
Geez, the Sith Emperor makes Palps look sane and rational by comparison.
I wonder if Narrisa is gonna off Symonenko once he outlives his usefulness.
Yeah, I personally thought Laseema was a former sex slave.
Good backstory for Skirata's sons.
Considering how Rex mentions fighting alongside Ahsoka during the Siege of Mandalore and Ahsoka apparently naming Bo as provisional leader (which she likely couldn't do if she wasn't an officer), canonically Maul's minions probably lost control before the Sabotage arc. But good to see Bo-Katan resisting them regardless.
Nice lie, though wouldn't it be more likely for Uthan to be hit in the chest?
Bail smacked Isard down nicely.
Considering how Ruusaan disguised herself as a civilian while planting explosives, she should be grateful the clones didn't simply use her for target practice. That kind of thing is, objectively, cowardly even if she's willing to die for her beliefs.
Oh, Kal is gonna flip.
Yeah, it makes sense that Ahsoka is thinking in hyperbole. Besides the extremely bad odds if we take the numbers you present literally and the logisitics of that many droids (as pointed out in the KT novels, though the odds are still dire), it could be that all the regular clones and Jedi get are inflated propaganda numbers.
Overall good work with minimum errors.
871-1 MarinesA stun prod could kill Uthan, but odds are that, yes, it would just be painful for her.
Mando'a needs to be italicized and beskar'gam and aruetiise should not be capitalized. But good point on Kal's part.
Figures that Kal would still be paranoid.
Yeah, given how Niner wanted to report Sull's desertion due to him technically abandoning his brothers it makes sense that Ahsoka would be shocked. Also, besides them having different signatures in the Force, clones would probably look and sound slightly different due to a buddy of mine saying no two fetuses develop alike. Hell, a couple of clones had blue eyes even though Jango had brown ones.
Oh, Uthan is gonna be hit hard once undeniable evidence is shown to her of Dooku's vile acts. Seriously, in TCW he makes Sinclair (the toxic leader of the VSA) look nice by comparison.
Geez, the Sith Emperor makes Palps look sane and rational by comparison.
I wonder if Narrisa is gonna off Symonenko once he outlives his usefulness.
Yeah, I personally thought Laseema was a former sex slave.
Good backstory for Skirata's sons.
Considering how Rex mentions fighting alongside Ahsoka during the Siege of Mandalore and Ahsoka apparently naming Bo as provisional leader (which she likely couldn't do if she wasn't an officer), canonically Maul's minions probably lost control before the Sabotage arc. But good to see Bo-Katan resisting them regardless.
Nice lie, though wouldn't it be more likely for Uthan to be hit in the chest?
Bail smacked Isard down nicely.
Considering how Ruusaan disguised herself as a civilian while planting explosives, she should be grateful the clones didn't simply use her for target practice. That kind of thing is, objectively, cowardly even if she's willing to die for her beliefs.
Oh, Kal is gonna flip.
Yeah, it makes sense that Ahsoka is thinking in hyperbole. Besides the extremely bad odds if we take the numbers you present literally and the logisitics of that many droids (as pointed out in the KT novels, though the odds are still dire), it could be that all the regular clones and Jedi get are inflated propaganda numbers.
Overall good work with minimum errors.
3/17/2016 c31 15SWEUFan2007
A good chapter, as always. I love your blend of both timelines. I hope to see more from you in the near future, but if you need to take your time due to other matters, it is perfectly understandable. May the force be with you.
15SWEUFan2007A good chapter, as always. I love your blend of both timelines. I hope to see more from you in the near future, but if you need to take your time due to other matters, it is perfectly understandable. May the force be with you.
2/16/2016 c30 871-1 Marines
Of course Uthan would start snarking at them the moment she recovered. The woman has lost her hand, and it's not as if she has reason to love the Republic.
Good points from Skirata for letting him take Uthan into custody.
Demagol sounds like a real piece of shit. Good rationale for Skirata's distrust of scientists.
VERY good point from Ahsoka. Fortunately Cad Bane hasn't showed up to shoot anyone with his Rapid Fire Idiot Ball gun yet.
Good idea for the Guardian Trip to hide. Openly carrying a lightsaber on Mandalore would be like openly carrying an AR-15 in my glorious state, AKA Texas-you may not get shot for it, but it'll definitely attract unwanted attention.
Geez, the Arkanians are incredibly unpleasant.
Mace Windu executing terrorists sounds like something he would do if they were deemed too dangerous to keep alive by him.
Why am I unsurprised at Narrisa's first new scientist being a bigot? Symonenko-I see you took my suggestion. Clever since it sounds sci-fi enough and references a real life asshole.
Ironic that the pacifist society had its planet ruined not through warfare, but an accident. Was the reactor not a fusion one? Because fusion reactors are safer than fission ones (the reactors used in current nuclear power plants).
I can see Uthan's rationalizing Dooku allying with the conglomerates. Considering how they still had representatives in the Republic Senate, it's not like either side can claim to have good legislative assemblies regardless.
The attacking hospitals and bombing civilians is particularly bad on the part of Dooku, because wounded soldiers actually drain resources. Real life isn't a video game where you health instantly replenishes. If you want to be pragmatic, don't target medics-deliberately main combatants and force your enemy to treat them. The Ryloth bombings were even worse since there's no way you can justify them pragmatically.
Overall good update with minimal errors. Nice POV from Ahsoka on Uthan as well. Even if your average Sep citizen is like Lux and have legitimate complaints like the Republic, Dooku is like Sinclair from Shadowfall-someone who has earned a death sentence for his crimes.
871-1 MarinesOf course Uthan would start snarking at them the moment she recovered. The woman has lost her hand, and it's not as if she has reason to love the Republic.
Good points from Skirata for letting him take Uthan into custody.
Demagol sounds like a real piece of shit. Good rationale for Skirata's distrust of scientists.
VERY good point from Ahsoka. Fortunately Cad Bane hasn't showed up to shoot anyone with his Rapid Fire Idiot Ball gun yet.
Good idea for the Guardian Trip to hide. Openly carrying a lightsaber on Mandalore would be like openly carrying an AR-15 in my glorious state, AKA Texas-you may not get shot for it, but it'll definitely attract unwanted attention.
Geez, the Arkanians are incredibly unpleasant.
Mace Windu executing terrorists sounds like something he would do if they were deemed too dangerous to keep alive by him.
Why am I unsurprised at Narrisa's first new scientist being a bigot? Symonenko-I see you took my suggestion. Clever since it sounds sci-fi enough and references a real life asshole.
Ironic that the pacifist society had its planet ruined not through warfare, but an accident. Was the reactor not a fusion one? Because fusion reactors are safer than fission ones (the reactors used in current nuclear power plants).
I can see Uthan's rationalizing Dooku allying with the conglomerates. Considering how they still had representatives in the Republic Senate, it's not like either side can claim to have good legislative assemblies regardless.
The attacking hospitals and bombing civilians is particularly bad on the part of Dooku, because wounded soldiers actually drain resources. Real life isn't a video game where you health instantly replenishes. If you want to be pragmatic, don't target medics-deliberately main combatants and force your enemy to treat them. The Ryloth bombings were even worse since there's no way you can justify them pragmatically.
Overall good update with minimal errors. Nice POV from Ahsoka on Uthan as well. Even if your average Sep citizen is like Lux and have legitimate complaints like the Republic, Dooku is like Sinclair from Shadowfall-someone who has earned a death sentence for his crimes.
1/29/2016 c29 1-1 Marines
Reasonable for how Narrisa to recognize that recovering Uthan, while difficult, would be better than starting over with a new scientist due to both expertise and experience. On another note, does Dooku know about her or is she known only to Sidious?
Figures that Narrisa would remove all restraints for CIS droids, and that said protocols would exist. On that note regarding the CIS, you notice how they're more sympathetic in the Republic Commando novels (apart from Qillura and Coruscant), with Kad even noting he'd fight ideologically for the Seps, but in TCW they're prone to Dog Kicking? I.e. The Blue Shadow virus and Durd trying to use civilians as guinea pigs (the former even being pragmatically stupid since unlike the anti-clone virus it has a high chance of backfiring like most biological weapons, so they'd get a lot of risk for zero benefits).
Heh regarding the lampshade. Of course, like you said the Trade Fed blockading Naboo in the first place was stupid, so Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon not helping isn't that bad in comparison.
Good reference to RVB and nice fight between Ahsoka and Narrisa, particularly since they both wounded each other.
It should be "fired," not "firing," and "obliterated," not "obliterating." But nice description of the blockade and escape. Yes, starfighters would be essential to a blockade, not to mention redundant controllers. Apparently independent droid brains were developed due to Naboo as well.
Nice bit of Dangerously Genre Savvy on Narrisa's part, both for copying the research and informing Sidious so she doesn't get punished for neglecting to inform him. I think Arkania only has one N.
Overall good update with, as always, minimal errors. Greet to see you post two updates in around 48 hours.
BTW, I played the Watch Dogs human trafficking subplot, and rather than knock out or shoot DeMarco I ran him over. I viewed it as cathartic for myself...
Reasonable for how Narrisa to recognize that recovering Uthan, while difficult, would be better than starting over with a new scientist due to both expertise and experience. On another note, does Dooku know about her or is she known only to Sidious?
Figures that Narrisa would remove all restraints for CIS droids, and that said protocols would exist. On that note regarding the CIS, you notice how they're more sympathetic in the Republic Commando novels (apart from Qillura and Coruscant), with Kad even noting he'd fight ideologically for the Seps, but in TCW they're prone to Dog Kicking? I.e. The Blue Shadow virus and Durd trying to use civilians as guinea pigs (the former even being pragmatically stupid since unlike the anti-clone virus it has a high chance of backfiring like most biological weapons, so they'd get a lot of risk for zero benefits).
Heh regarding the lampshade. Of course, like you said the Trade Fed blockading Naboo in the first place was stupid, so Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon not helping isn't that bad in comparison.
Good reference to RVB and nice fight between Ahsoka and Narrisa, particularly since they both wounded each other.
It should be "fired," not "firing," and "obliterated," not "obliterating." But nice description of the blockade and escape. Yes, starfighters would be essential to a blockade, not to mention redundant controllers. Apparently independent droid brains were developed due to Naboo as well.
Nice bit of Dangerously Genre Savvy on Narrisa's part, both for copying the research and informing Sidious so she doesn't get punished for neglecting to inform him. I think Arkania only has one N.
Overall good update with, as always, minimal errors. Greet to see you post two updates in around 48 hours.
BTW, I played the Watch Dogs human trafficking subplot, and rather than knock out or shoot DeMarco I ran him over. I viewed it as cathartic for myself...
1/28/2016 c28 1-1 Marines
I pity the opponents of Omega Squad and the Guardian Trio.
Smart to have the others keep a lookout while Ahsoka cuts through the doors. Also smart in not only they did split up appropriately but set up mines.
Assuming the mayor was elected, he'd be a politician technically. But yeah, Sith don't strike me as the type to tolerate shit from anyone. Nice to see Narrisa restrain herself out of pragmatism, not to mention try and use the cops to slow them down.
Reasonable plan to avoid killing themselves and possibly bystanders as well.
Ah, the Gibadans don't have armor? Granted, their planet seems to have avoided the war, and Dooku probably prioritizes CIS forces closer to the frontlines.
Reasonable that the BXs were more threatening, especially considering how they can actually kill clones relatively easily. Unfortunately, the commandos were better.
Too bad for the officer that Atin didn't simply put him out of his misery with a headshot.
Shatter guns don't need to be capitalized (nor are they traditional firearms, they're magnetic weapons, so "slug thrower" is technically innaccurste to describe them according to Wookieepedia), but if Darman and Atin were shooting lab assistants it's reasonable for their opponents to be bad shots.
Good take down of Uthan, as well as explaining the rationale for Obi-Wan wearing plates. Bullets would more accurately disintegrate rather than evaporate, but hey, maybe the bullet was heat tolerant.
The police being held off is reasonable, because they're just that...cops. They weren't fighting gangsters, they were up against the SW equivalent of Navy SEALs (the commandos did train Marits, but most of the time they're shooting and getting shot at in my experience). Plus the SWAT officers were already killed, leaving patrol cops to fight. Considering how the Senate Commandos (who are basically a SWAT team) and Mando police get their asses kicked by just about every antagonist, this was pretty realistic.
Nice escape.
Overall good update with minimal errors, this was well worth the wait.
On a different note, are there any books you wouldn't recommend? Besides KJA's crap, of course.
I recommend that you avoid Dark Disciple and Aftermath. I read Disciple and it was kinda disappointing, while Aftermath was poorly received and from what I've seen is kinda stupid.
I pity the opponents of Omega Squad and the Guardian Trio.
Smart to have the others keep a lookout while Ahsoka cuts through the doors. Also smart in not only they did split up appropriately but set up mines.
Assuming the mayor was elected, he'd be a politician technically. But yeah, Sith don't strike me as the type to tolerate shit from anyone. Nice to see Narrisa restrain herself out of pragmatism, not to mention try and use the cops to slow them down.
Reasonable plan to avoid killing themselves and possibly bystanders as well.
Ah, the Gibadans don't have armor? Granted, their planet seems to have avoided the war, and Dooku probably prioritizes CIS forces closer to the frontlines.
Reasonable that the BXs were more threatening, especially considering how they can actually kill clones relatively easily. Unfortunately, the commandos were better.
Too bad for the officer that Atin didn't simply put him out of his misery with a headshot.
Shatter guns don't need to be capitalized (nor are they traditional firearms, they're magnetic weapons, so "slug thrower" is technically innaccurste to describe them according to Wookieepedia), but if Darman and Atin were shooting lab assistants it's reasonable for their opponents to be bad shots.
Good take down of Uthan, as well as explaining the rationale for Obi-Wan wearing plates. Bullets would more accurately disintegrate rather than evaporate, but hey, maybe the bullet was heat tolerant.
The police being held off is reasonable, because they're just that...cops. They weren't fighting gangsters, they were up against the SW equivalent of Navy SEALs (the commandos did train Marits, but most of the time they're shooting and getting shot at in my experience). Plus the SWAT officers were already killed, leaving patrol cops to fight. Considering how the Senate Commandos (who are basically a SWAT team) and Mando police get their asses kicked by just about every antagonist, this was pretty realistic.
Nice escape.
Overall good update with minimal errors, this was well worth the wait.
On a different note, are there any books you wouldn't recommend? Besides KJA's crap, of course.
I recommend that you avoid Dark Disciple and Aftermath. I read Disciple and it was kinda disappointing, while Aftermath was poorly received and from what I've seen is kinda stupid.
1/14/2016 c27 1-1 Marines
Good preparation on Ahsoka's part, especially grabbing a few hours of rest. Sleep is invaluable for a soldier.
Reasonable for Ahsoka to stay completely still while on top of a speeder bus, both to avoid falling off and detection.
Besides witnesses, sticking to the rooftops means less of a chance of being detected by surveillance cameras.
Unsurprised at the weak security of the Hall. It's not like it's a priority target, so one bored old man is sufficient if only to check ID.
And Narrissa is smart enough to make sure no one survives. I trust she threw the corpse to the flames because she stabbed him (just making it more suspicious)?
Aay'han (yeah, not "the Aay'han"-italicizing ship names and any Mando'a would be good) is more properly labeled a submarine since the thing is fully autonomous and can even fly.
Ah, so Gibad still uses natural gas? Granted, it could be a case of, "If it ain't broke, don't fix it."
Good idea to use Kal to narrow things down; like you say, KT described him as looking deceptively harmless out of armor.
If Obi-Wan's really that concerned about mobility, he could just ditch some of the plates. It's the bodysuit and helmet that actually provide protection from biological and chemical weapons, and scout troopers are a case of ditching some coverage for mobility.
Reasonable that Verpine shatter guns would be less effective against droids. Also reasonable that you have them make noise-it was kinda unrealistic in my mind that magnetic weapons could be silent without having some kinda noise-negating device or something.
Reasonable for Darman's pistol to be suppressed. It would not be completely silent, but they could hide the body and leave before anyone saw them.
Good for Obi-Wan to preserve civilian life in a practical manner, though "Understood General" should have a comma before "General."
You having the explosion wasn't lazy or silly, friend. At least things ended with a bang, and like Darman says it created chaos and allowed them to sneak in.
Overall good work.
BTW, have you read any post-Disney literature? Any Legends books you would recommend? I finished the old Clone Wars Republic comics.
Good preparation on Ahsoka's part, especially grabbing a few hours of rest. Sleep is invaluable for a soldier.
Reasonable for Ahsoka to stay completely still while on top of a speeder bus, both to avoid falling off and detection.
Besides witnesses, sticking to the rooftops means less of a chance of being detected by surveillance cameras.
Unsurprised at the weak security of the Hall. It's not like it's a priority target, so one bored old man is sufficient if only to check ID.
And Narrissa is smart enough to make sure no one survives. I trust she threw the corpse to the flames because she stabbed him (just making it more suspicious)?
Aay'han (yeah, not "the Aay'han"-italicizing ship names and any Mando'a would be good) is more properly labeled a submarine since the thing is fully autonomous and can even fly.
Ah, so Gibad still uses natural gas? Granted, it could be a case of, "If it ain't broke, don't fix it."
Good idea to use Kal to narrow things down; like you say, KT described him as looking deceptively harmless out of armor.
If Obi-Wan's really that concerned about mobility, he could just ditch some of the plates. It's the bodysuit and helmet that actually provide protection from biological and chemical weapons, and scout troopers are a case of ditching some coverage for mobility.
Reasonable that Verpine shatter guns would be less effective against droids. Also reasonable that you have them make noise-it was kinda unrealistic in my mind that magnetic weapons could be silent without having some kinda noise-negating device or something.
Reasonable for Darman's pistol to be suppressed. It would not be completely silent, but they could hide the body and leave before anyone saw them.
Good for Obi-Wan to preserve civilian life in a practical manner, though "Understood General" should have a comma before "General."
You having the explosion wasn't lazy or silly, friend. At least things ended with a bang, and like Darman says it created chaos and allowed them to sneak in.
Overall good work.
BTW, have you read any post-Disney literature? Any Legends books you would recommend? I finished the old Clone Wars Republic comics.
1/5/2016 c26 1-1 Marines
I hope you had a Happy New Year as well. Sorry for not updating TECD, things are kinda hectic but I'm working on adapting Blood Sisters.
Good briefing by Zey.
Nice idea on Anakin's part due to the CIS Navy/space control.
Good reference to True Colors.
Good idea on Zey's part to narrow down Uthan's likely location.
"Definatly" should be "definitely," but nice of Zey to point out that stealth is key to not tipping them off.
You have Darman as a Corporal? But it makes sense to have someone as Niner's second in command, so good on your part.
"Captain" should be capitalized, but it's smart on Ordo's part to request suits for Obi-Wan and Anakin. There should be a comma before "sir" when he explains things to Obi-Wan, but yes, nerve agents can be absorbed through the skin as well. MOPP suits exists for a reason, and it's good to see Ahsoka bring her space suit as well.
Trouble's coming, Narrisa. Nice description of her preparation.
Aay'han should be italicized since it's the name of a ship, but I can definitely see Skirata being nervous. Also turns out that, as shown in Firefly and the KT novels I've read, ships aren't supposed to be referred to "the *insert name here*," just by their names. It also should be "If they came loose," not "It they came loose." But good reason to be paranoid-I don't know how it is in Legends, but as Rebels shows it's a bad idea to detach while in hyperspace.
The class names of the ship should be italicized, but good point by Skirata-the Lucrehulks are converted freighters.
You can't use sonar in space, but reasonable for Anakin to request peace and quiet so he can concentrate. It makes sense that sensors would tend to be radar and thermal imaging/infrared-based, because vacuum has no temperature.
Nice little drama in them entering the atmosphere.
Overall good work and conclusion. I remember the Citadel arc-Reality Ensued in that none of the adults could fit into the vents, and even Ahsoka had a tough time getting through.
Indeed regarding Invisible Hand catching on fire.
I hope you had a Happy New Year as well. Sorry for not updating TECD, things are kinda hectic but I'm working on adapting Blood Sisters.
Good briefing by Zey.
Nice idea on Anakin's part due to the CIS Navy/space control.
Good reference to True Colors.
Good idea on Zey's part to narrow down Uthan's likely location.
"Definatly" should be "definitely," but nice of Zey to point out that stealth is key to not tipping them off.
You have Darman as a Corporal? But it makes sense to have someone as Niner's second in command, so good on your part.
"Captain" should be capitalized, but it's smart on Ordo's part to request suits for Obi-Wan and Anakin. There should be a comma before "sir" when he explains things to Obi-Wan, but yes, nerve agents can be absorbed through the skin as well. MOPP suits exists for a reason, and it's good to see Ahsoka bring her space suit as well.
Trouble's coming, Narrisa. Nice description of her preparation.
Aay'han should be italicized since it's the name of a ship, but I can definitely see Skirata being nervous. Also turns out that, as shown in Firefly and the KT novels I've read, ships aren't supposed to be referred to "the *insert name here*," just by their names. It also should be "If they came loose," not "It they came loose." But good reason to be paranoid-I don't know how it is in Legends, but as Rebels shows it's a bad idea to detach while in hyperspace.
The class names of the ship should be italicized, but good point by Skirata-the Lucrehulks are converted freighters.
You can't use sonar in space, but reasonable for Anakin to request peace and quiet so he can concentrate. It makes sense that sensors would tend to be radar and thermal imaging/infrared-based, because vacuum has no temperature.
Nice little drama in them entering the atmosphere.
Overall good work and conclusion. I remember the Citadel arc-Reality Ensued in that none of the adults could fit into the vents, and even Ahsoka had a tough time getting through.
Indeed regarding Invisible Hand catching on fire.
12/29/2015 c25 1-1 Marines
Figures that Gibad TC would make Narrissa land at a spaceport like anyone else, it's not like can pull any strings.
Good to see Uthan maintaining OPSEC by telling Nyla to keep her mouth shut and Narrissa being pragmatic enough to not piss off Uthan by killing Nyla. Also, there shouldn't be a comma in the sentence where Uthan says Narrissa was responsible for getting her out.
Hallena had dark skin in No Prisoners-does she have a different description in 501st? Also, Karen Traviss wrote the No Prisoners novel, not Karen Miller.
Definitely feeling sympathetic for Arla. Having read Open Seasons today, I'm glad that Tor SOB is dead.
Skirata is correct, invest your money wisely (avoid single stocks, though) and you will get richer over time. It make senses that Mij would be placed in charge of selecting psychiatrists since even though he's a surgeon (I remember him being good with a scalpel), he does have legitimate medical knowledge.
Why am I unsurprised at all the ATC guys being dead and their workplace trashed?
Good to see Anakin and Ahsoka point out that not only did Isard violate the law by imprisoning Uthan at an asylum rather than a POW camp, but objectively it was a stupid decision.
Nice reunion. Glad to see an Obstructive Bureaucrat (AKA Isard) get owned.
I wish you a Happy New Year as well.
Figures that Gibad TC would make Narrissa land at a spaceport like anyone else, it's not like can pull any strings.
Good to see Uthan maintaining OPSEC by telling Nyla to keep her mouth shut and Narrissa being pragmatic enough to not piss off Uthan by killing Nyla. Also, there shouldn't be a comma in the sentence where Uthan says Narrissa was responsible for getting her out.
Hallena had dark skin in No Prisoners-does she have a different description in 501st? Also, Karen Traviss wrote the No Prisoners novel, not Karen Miller.
Definitely feeling sympathetic for Arla. Having read Open Seasons today, I'm glad that Tor SOB is dead.
Skirata is correct, invest your money wisely (avoid single stocks, though) and you will get richer over time. It make senses that Mij would be placed in charge of selecting psychiatrists since even though he's a surgeon (I remember him being good with a scalpel), he does have legitimate medical knowledge.
Why am I unsurprised at all the ATC guys being dead and their workplace trashed?
Good to see Anakin and Ahsoka point out that not only did Isard violate the law by imprisoning Uthan at an asylum rather than a POW camp, but objectively it was a stupid decision.
Nice reunion. Glad to see an Obstructive Bureaucrat (AKA Isard) get owned.
I wish you a Happy New Year as well.
12/17/2015 c24 5ahsoka1996
Merry Christmas Ahsokafanboy1138, and have a happy New Year. :)
So looking forward to seeing the new Star Wars movie!
5ahsoka1996Merry Christmas Ahsokafanboy1138, and have a happy New Year. :)
So looking forward to seeing the new Star Wars movie!