Just In
for The Enemy Within

8/6/2015 c8 871-1 Marines
Let me play a tiny violin for those gangbangers.
Finally the Council takes things seriously for once.
It's good to see that the Coruscant Central Bank is run by an Honest Corporate Executive who isn't a Morally Bankrupt Banker. I remember one line regarding IGBC Hailfire missile droids: "We've come to repossess the planet." Seriously, considering Gunray was a negative racial stereotype of Asians, I'm relieved to have a guy like Lee-Yon.
Unsurprised that Ahsoka developed Fantastic Racism. After all, Trandos seen in TCW aren't exactly...housebroken.
That Quarren really should've gotten an actual job, or at least not try and screw with Trandoshan security.
8/6/2015 c7 1-1 Marines
Reasonable to see Anakin a bit paranoid considering Slick's treachery and Ahsoka nearly getting executed (or locked away for life-considering Bane, it's not as if the Republic seems fond of capital punishment, or at least is smart about it even with Palpy running interference).
I see the Kintan Killers/Kings got a taste of less-than-lethal weaponry. I'm glad you actually had Ahsoka kill one with her batons, because that's a real danger of "non-lethal" weaponry.
Now off to the Star Wars equivalent of Guantanamo Bay.
8/6/2015 c6 1-1 Marines
Good lampshading of Padmé's naïveté and Maul somehow surviving getting chopped in half (which undoubtedly ruined any chance of Savage growing beyond "Maul's brother"). While I get the "war is hell" theme in TCW (especially since all the heroics of the Jedi and clones are for naught; even a hawkish guy like me can get it), from an in-universe perspective her trying to cut troop production during the war AFTER the Sep terrorist attack killed the peace negotiations without any sign of diplomacy resuming in that episode is nightmarishly stupid. Which makes the fact they made a blatant Take That with Halle Burtoni all the more damning; if anything, she was RIGHT. Sure she's a snide Kaminoan who wants taxpayers forced to cover the cost of additional slave production, but without negotiations you're gonna need more troops.
8/6/2015 c13 11Elfyliane
Tu ne viens pas de republier ce chapitre ?
8/6/2015 c5 871-1 Marines
Nice lampshading of how dysfunctional the Sith are and Jedi incompetence giving them the occasional victory from Vau. Seriously, Palpy (who probably went insane from both decades of the dark side and having Force lightning redirected to him) was able to be sit in the same room as the Council and not set off any alarms.
Good Elite Mook choice in the form of the Sun Guards.
Dear God, Corr, everyone from Tatooine to Coruscant is taught to not say, "I have a bad feeling about this." Did you fall asleep in class?
Though that was a nice joke regardless, keep up the humor.
8/6/2015 c13 1-1 Marines
Great update.
That was a nice response from Anakin. One of the more redeeming features of the old Jedi Order is that they actually put themselves on the front. While Karen Traviss negatively portraying them in RC makes sense since Mandos tend to have a grudge against Jedi and she uses their POVs, it actually was a sadistic choice: Either lead bred slaves into battle, or watch as idiots like Ozzel got control of the GAR.
Jabiim-I actually retrieved my copy of the comic recently from a storage bag. Unlike ROTJ, it was a good Vietnam in space-replace the jungles with rain and mud. It hits home even harder for me considering my maternal grandfather was a South Vietnamese Army officer and narrowly escaped. I'll eagerly be a beta, unofficially or not, for your fanfic.
BTW, quick tip: I'd have Gillmunn be at least a General, similar to how I made Sato a Captain (but have him given the title of "Commodore" due to his command). It doesn't make sense to me how the leader of the Jabiimi Loyalist militia was only a Captain.
8/3/2015 c4 1-1 Marines
Nice little update. I remember watching parts of Republic Commando (never got the game) and reading True Colors-Sev definitely would indulge in Black Comedy.
I can see Obi-Wan developing prejudice against Mandos given him having fought both Jango Fett and numerous Death Watch guys, including Knight Templar Pre Viszla.
8/1/2015 c3 1-1 Marines
Considering Maul survived being chopped in goddamn half, the only way to confirm killing a dark sider, Dark Jedi or Sith, is to unload several rounds of ammunition into their head before dumping them into a volcano or a sun. Then MAYBE you can confirm their death.
Good back stories, though I'm sure Skirata would ideologically support the CIS judging by True Colors, the one RC novel I read-granted, their behavior in TCW could explain him looking more favorably on the Republic. I appreciate that the Mandos, while accurately viewing a good portion of the Jedi Council as morons, do at least tolerate the reasonable ones.
Keep it up!
7/22/2015 c12 Guest
An excellent chapter, as always. I look forward to more at your earliest convenience.
7/22/2015 c2 1-1 Marines
Why don't I go play a song on my tiny violin for that asshole Ahsoka decapitated?
Good introduction of a lot of the main cast for the story. I enjoyed the humor as well as the conversation(s) on Sith and Galactic History class.
Keep it up.
7/22/2015 c1 1-1 Marines
As always, the Jedi Council proves to be a collective of asses! Unbelievably gigantic asses!
The ironic thing is that Yoda, besides Plo and Obi-Wan, was likely the only guy who voted for Ahsoka in the Sabotage arc considering he revealed it wasn't unanimous, which he likely wouldn't do if he was against her (to maintain an illusion of unity).
Of course, the guy who pointed it out turned out to be an idiot, so maybe he was an ass like the others.
Mace, however, is spot on. While he isn't a lightning breathing sociopath (he did rescue a trapped AT-TE driver on Ryloth), the guy tried executing Palpatine in front of freaking Anakin instead of cutting off his hands to disarm (hah) him. Which makes him second-guessing Anakin for Taris ironic.
I can definitely see Arligan Zey being a Pragmatic Hero. Considering his job...
Good to see Vizsla and and Bo-Katan had enough standards to not hire a certain pair of sociopaths.
7/22/2015 c12 1-1 Marines
Your explanation for Ahsoka's occasional superhuman strength is excellent and realistic. Using the Force (yes, it's capitalized) is the only way she could've lifted up anyway heavier than her unless Togrutas are like ants.
Good to see that Narrisa, while indulging in Bond Villain Stupidity, was smart enough to cloak her ship.
Ahsoka shows good planning by going first and being in position to hold off any monsters. She also shows decent investigative skills by having Mij take DNA samples-that's more than Padme, Satine, and Divo can claim to have done.
Good to see Kal's a Reasonable Authority Figure on Barriss.
Durasteel shouldn't be capitalized, nor should beskar (which should be italicized), but overall the grammar/spelling mistakes seem to be minor and don't hinder the flow of the story.
Keep up the good work. Overall this was an enjoyable chapter.
7/7/2015 c11 1-1 Marines
Within all odds, Luminara leaving her buried alive contributed to Barriss's Start of Darkness. The Jedi's beyond idiotic tactics probably helped the clones shoot them, inhibitor chips or not.
6/9/2015 c10 Guest
And now we get deeper into the investigation of the Sith. I am really enjoying your style of writing, as well as your blend of both Republic Commando and The Clone Wars. I hope you keep up the amazing work on this story.
3/11/2015 c5 11Elfyliane
Au crédit de Corr, il est, plus ou moins, encore en apprentissage. ... Malgré tout, ça reste très drôle!
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