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for The Undying Mortal

10/13 c44 Bluehaireddemon49
Out of the many FanFiction I’ve read this has risen to contend for my number 1. Even though the author seeps to stumble over the grammar they’ve done a fantastic job at creating the story and the world. The author throughout this story excelled at writing characters who seemed very human and real, and he gave detail so well that you felt like you were there when an event happened, even if you didn’t want to be. All in all even though its a confusing story at times the writer did pretty well, the only problem with it might be grammar and maybe some of his ordering for when he gives you backstory.
7/15 c1 1Kupiter
The story was perfect until , YOU HAVE TO MAKE SOMEONE DIE THAT THEY LOVE , THEN EVERY THING GOES DOWN HILL FROM THEN, YOU SET RULES IN THE STORY THEN YOU BREAK THEM BY GIVING OTHER PEOPLE THE POWER ONLY ONE PERSON THIS STORY IS SOPOUSED TO HAVE, YOU FUCK ASS YOU RUNNED IT ALL ,AND RAPING THAT IS JUST SOME WEIRD FUCKING SHIT,THEN EVERY FUCKING STORY THE ALLWAYS BE COME A SLAVE AND GET SOMETHING SEALED
10/21/2020 c31 clashing
more lemons
10/4/2020 c21 Jerrydaberry
I stopped halfway through cause the emotions thing kind of ruined the story for me
9/22/2020 c34 WolvesIntoLight
love it
6/12/2020 c14 TheLonelyAlchemist
Ummm
10/16/2019 c8 Animo fanficion
No f*** you this is a great story but I'm not reading anymore cuz this is f****** depressing.
9/14/2019 c19 Guest
If being gay was in our genetics then being gay woulda of literally been one of the hottest issues in history and is it? No bc it isnt part of you're genetics. And if it is then good for you then it's in MY genetics to like fucking girls yeah so how it works lmfao
7/30/2019 c6 Slathbog The Red
Not okay dude. Rape is bad enough why do people have to put it in these stories
4/27/2019 c7 Guest
Did he ever killed ares?!
9/4/2018 c2 Guest
Everything went to shot so quickly
6/11/2018 c4 Bragha Run
This was a super interesting idea. However, the spelling mistakes, grammar, and sentence structure is a major turn off. What really killed it for me and stopped me in my tracks and giving up on this fic is the countless amount of telling in this fic. By telling I mean making your author notes in the middle of the chapter instead of at the beginning or the end.

A critiques for any future chapters in your stories. A good rule of storytelling is showing not telling your audience whats going on.

On your story, some of your plot points don't even make sense and the last few being complaints. Percy being born in 5,000 BC and knowing extensive history of Athena and Mana that occurred in 25,000 BC, how/when did he figure that out? Why does Percy have a post-modern western morality in ancient times? Why is Percy such a fucking white knight?! Why are the hunters of Artemis so goddamn 2D?! Why didn't Irene go on the quest to "rescue" Prometheus? Why can only Perseus use the magic?

PS Please stop with the "Milady" it is 3cringy5me
11/17/2017 c1 Guest
Good story mudafucker
7/9/2017 c17 3aRTsyisAwesome
Bastet is not Virgin. She had a daughter. Kitty.
7/8/2017 c6 3HappyWhale
You makin me hate ares
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