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9/28/2016 c1 5rapunzl
6/21/2015 c1 Anonim
I love this story!Wow. More please
4/1/2015 c1 SunKrux
Lovely! I miss my OTP thank you for bringing them back for a short visit!
3/4/2015 c1 4coreymason
I am go glad people are still writing Lost World Fanfic, I wish some of the other authors would repost old stories or post some new ones.
2/27/2015 c1 19zeusfluff
I had a good laugh. Roxton has fun toying with Marguerite. Thanks for sharing this little ficlet with us.
2/27/2015 c1 Guest
Cheesy garbage. What's wrong with you people?
2/12/2015 c1 Lost World Lover
A short but nice addition to this fanfiction. As readers wait for the latest Dean Koontz or John Grisham novel I wait f9r new stories for THIS series. There are very few writing for The Lost World anymore thus readers should be appreciative for any story that keeps it alive.
2/10/2015 c1 19dolphinrain
Nice little peek inside the Treehouse.
2/9/2015 c1 21Bingo32
Thank you for taking the time to read my story. It is difficult for a novice writer to find readers, and even more so to find people willing to post a response. For the constructive criticism, words of encouragement, and even the idle banter, I thank you. It shows a lingering interest in TLW, and for that I am grateful.
2/9/2015 c1 JMB
Interesting to watch the usual suspects come on over and write prosaic, groupie reviews for their friend's stories. Wonder who else will show...?
2/9/2015 c1 20rann
Charming! A wonderful peek at the lives of the explorers. So glad you're still writing
2/9/2015 c1 BoadiceaOverall
This is pleasant little window into the Lost World.
You use a lot of commas and have a limited range of connectives “And” being your favourite! You also use a lot of commas when a semi colon would be more effective.
I note the North American term “puttering” which in Queen’s English would be “pottering”.
I would like to see more insightful dialogue rather than “said”. The piece in general would benefit from more dialogue.
When the characters do speak it is with an American accent. “I guess some folks just aren’t morning people”, drawls Roxton. I know you are an American but Roxton isn’t!
It would be more along the lines of “I am sorry to have disturbed your beauty sleep”
I “guess” is not something Roxton would say; it would be “I suppose", "I expect", "I suggest" "Maybe", "Perhaps …."
“Folks” is not commonly used to describe people in the UK. Sounds too much like Bugs Bunny.
One would say “these are country folk”; ones family are not referred to as “folks”.
I hope I don’t offend you by pointing this out. I am not anti American but the characters are English. Very few writers on this board get the English dialogue right.
That said you have written an original and believable scene.
With reference to detailing guns etc I personally say it’s not needed. Any writer worth their salt will research their subject; they may deem it important to describe in some detail the gun, food, clothing, car etc. But a good writer will not let it detract from the story. Don’t fall into the trap of detail for detail’s sake; it’s not about show casing your knowledge on a particular subject. What it is about is your skill as a fiction writer and engaging the characters with the reader. That is what will get you published; not a technical description of guns, cars, periods in history and ladies undergarments.
2/8/2015 c1 33Gemini Explorer
First, you already know that I think you are among the best TLW writers. And this brief tale confirms that you've lost none of your touch. It's good on several levels. But there are a few tiny bits that need tweaking. And, no, I don't mean that I'd have preferred to see Finn present, although that's true, ha!

First, look at your introduction. You know how to spell, "passed." Not "past." Better change that. We have "authors" here who don't know the difference. In your case, I think you must have just needed coffee and erred through weariness or distraction. The dreaded typo syndrome...

Secondly, the sound of a firearm is a "report", not a "retort". Unless maybe Marguerite has fired the shot, as an expression of her temper at the moment, ha! (Laughing Smilie here.) She was full of retorts...

You didn't tell us what she was wearing as she crept from bed to the table, although she used that blanket, suggesting that she didn't dress. If she DID dress, you need a scene where she desperately tears off her clothes to look more credible as Roxton finds her "sleeping."

I liked George's show of resignation at John exposing himself to her temper yet again. But by the time of the story, that couple were getting along pretty well, and she was for the most part the new, improved Marguerite. So, you might want them to have just had an argument the night before, noting that it was an exception by this time in their relationship.

I'd have also allowed a somewhat longer interval between that lone shot and Roxton's arrival. I don't know how long you had in mind, but he was probably a mile or so from the Treehouse and he needed to field dress (clean/gut) the capybara and get it home.

Capybaras can weigh 150 pounds, so how does he carry this one, even if it weighed much less, without getting his clothes bloody and loose fur/hairs down his neck? (Or a hernia?) Have you seen pictures of those travois things used by the Plains Indians? A small travois could be made in the jungle by using a machete to cut the poles and crosspieces and he'd have brought rope to lash them together and to tie the carcass on.

His threadbare shirt? Looks as if Veronica is still gone, or she could weave cloth on her mother's loom. I think they'd have had one, the Laytons, coming to settle in a primitive jungle. The Zanga also have cloth, probably woven in their village as well as traded for with other tribes. They'd barter with the Treehouse people, and Assai, being Vee's best friend, could ensure that. But if a favorite shirt was wearing out, you could still have Marguerite mend it, to express the affection that your mending scene infers. Being nurtured by her would help to create the bonding experience that the Roxtons need to fully give themselves to one another and become a couple. I think this would be the natural order of things as the men and the women became committed to each other. Nurturing their men was the primary duty of women in that day. Marguerite would be speaking volumes about her feelings for John if she assumed that role in his life. There is more than one way to embrace a man, and that sort of thing embraces his heart. Lord knows, poor John deserves nurturing, after all he's put up with from Marguerite! She'd also wash his clothes and other tasks, of course, things that she'd once never dreamed that she'd do for any man! He'd have become the diamond of her soul. And we all know how she feels about diamonds, emeralds, etc.

Oops: I was going to say that I did notice that you named a capybara as his prey. Most TLW authors haven't a clue about what animals they'd hunt, save for those raptors on the show. I admire your doing a bit of research! Many readers might find such details to overwhelm or clutter the story, which to their shallow minds consists solely of romantic content. But I get PM's from (mainly) male readers who admire and look for that detail in fics, and I seldom read books where the author doesn't have such information. Those details let me convert words to film in my mind and I can picture what's happening better and get to know the characters better. And I learn about things in such books that I may want to examine or buy. I want to know the animals, fish etc. In this case, I'll go learn about flatbread.

I guess that's it. Basically, you have a nice, sentimental tale here, a charming look at M&R. I enjoyed it...even without Veronica and Finn! (Another laughing Smilie here.)

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