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3/10/2016 c1 38romanov16
Very nice imagey throughout the whole thing, drew me right into the story. Howerver you need to find a better way to show a flashbaack, like put it in itaiisct, with a line braker. Much more classy. Still good job.
2/21/2015 c1 24Sweeterthansugar
Very interesting first chapter. Well first a couple possible improvements. There were quite a lot of grammar mistakes. A few you may have missed but still. I'm used to how you type so for me it wasn't too bad but still a little frustrating at times. Also you over explain things a bit dear. Its always good to give detail and explain things but at times u go overboard. For instance u called Laura 18 years old then a paragraph later called her 16. Now! On to the good stuff! Very addictive and a very interesting start. Im veryyy curious how Laura came by hella's child And why she's on the run. Can't wait to find out! Also while I said u over explain things I do like u explain things quite a lot Because you really painted a picture and I love that. I hate not visualizing while reading. All in all a really good start and i cant wait to read chapter 2.:)

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