for The Value of Strength6/11/2017 c6 Section
Good chapter can't wait for more :)
Good chapter can't wait for more :)
12/28/2016 c5 
10TerrsinManos
First, i must say that my english is not good at all, so i apologize for any mistakes in this review.
I liked this fic. It's good writen, and the characters are well built so far (The Lulu you present is just wonderful. I imagine Lulu just like that). The talk between Lux and Elizabeth in the last chapter you've writen is uncommon in this kind of fics and hits deep in the environment(I Don't now the word in English for what i want to say. Hope that 'environment' is that word) many of the LoL players live.
It's a shame that you had stop writing this fic. It seems pretty promising (again i had to search in Google translate. Sorry again for the wrong expresions and words :c )
10TerrsinManosFirst, i must say that my english is not good at all, so i apologize for any mistakes in this review.
I liked this fic. It's good writen, and the characters are well built so far (The Lulu you present is just wonderful. I imagine Lulu just like that). The talk between Lux and Elizabeth in the last chapter you've writen is uncommon in this kind of fics and hits deep in the environment(I Don't now the word in English for what i want to say. Hope that 'environment' is that word) many of the LoL players live.
It's a shame that you had stop writing this fic. It seems pretty promising (again i had to search in Google translate. Sorry again for the wrong expresions and words :c )
6/1/2015 c5 Reviewer
Seems interesting I hope you continue
Seems interesting I hope you continue
4/28/2015 c2 9Chaos Productions
Well! This story has taken flight nicely, I dare say.
So after a long hiatus, I come back to FFN and see one of the League stories I was so interested in has taken off and started snowballing, consuming everything in its path, from snowmen to skiers and snowboarders. How delightful.
I must say, the plot is still a tad buried for me to actually comment on it - this *is*, after all, just Chapter 2. So instead of cracking my skull open focusing on what *could be*, I would rather focus on what *is* - namely, your O.C and how she fits into this brave, dangerous and... slightly zany new world. Honestly, I try not to consider it this way but it seems this story has a more... grounded feel to it? It's got a whole lot more Slice-Of-Life elements to it, that's for sure.
This is not a bad thing. League fics that take the sterner, more politically massive approach often end up being either grimdark to the point of being suicidally depressing or complicated to the point of shaming rocket science.
Anyways! On the O.C:
What most authors - specifically those in the League of Legends - tend to forget about writing is that development is a crucial part of the journey. Characters who suffer no development tend to be boring, and characters undergoing too *much* development tend to come across as spastic, jittery and generally ill-or-misunderstood. Miss Sparrow subverts these two great sins so far. She has her flaws - something which is a rarity in in this section - and unlike most, she does not *just* sit about moping - despite vocal protests she quickly decides to make the most of the lot she's been handed, and to fight tooth and nail despite her fear and hesitation to do so in this 'new world'. It's a wondrous sight, really - she's so far out of her depth and yet she's not simply throwing in the towel.
Another crucial fragment of an O.C is the presence of a dualism in their perception by canonical characters. It is, literally, impossible to create an O.C who will get along with every League champion and their mother without seeming like a Mary Sue. There will be allies, enemies, acquaintances and irksome meetings - there must be. Such is life. And such is displayed in this very chapter: While Liz is viewed as a mistake and a liability by the High Council at first, another Champion seems quite intrigued by her, even going so far as to offer help. Dualism in perception: (S)He who one views as an enemy, another will view as a friend. If that makes sense.
That said, I will admit I am a bit irked by Ahri's appearance. Make no mistake, she's a wonderful character and all, but the amount of character butchery and over-sexing she's received at the hands of the fandom has jaded me towards her, to the point I can't even read her name without thinking "Aw, blimey, here we go again." Nonetheless, going by how you are writing - and going by the command you have over the canonical characters so far (Kalista's "Soft are the targets of our spears" line comes to mind - absolutely beautiful), I dare say there's just a glimmer of hope we'll be averting the whole "Hi - Hello - Let's P00n-P00n! - Okay! :D" cesspool this fandom has created.
Ah. A man can hope, can't he?
In any case, I'm happy to see this story has made such progress, and I'm equally happy to see just how interesting it's turning out to be. I'm off the next chapter - I've started viewing this story as a treat, dear me.
Until then,
-Chaos
9Chaos ProductionsWell! This story has taken flight nicely, I dare say.
So after a long hiatus, I come back to FFN and see one of the League stories I was so interested in has taken off and started snowballing, consuming everything in its path, from snowmen to skiers and snowboarders. How delightful.
I must say, the plot is still a tad buried for me to actually comment on it - this *is*, after all, just Chapter 2. So instead of cracking my skull open focusing on what *could be*, I would rather focus on what *is* - namely, your O.C and how she fits into this brave, dangerous and... slightly zany new world. Honestly, I try not to consider it this way but it seems this story has a more... grounded feel to it? It's got a whole lot more Slice-Of-Life elements to it, that's for sure.
This is not a bad thing. League fics that take the sterner, more politically massive approach often end up being either grimdark to the point of being suicidally depressing or complicated to the point of shaming rocket science.
Anyways! On the O.C:
What most authors - specifically those in the League of Legends - tend to forget about writing is that development is a crucial part of the journey. Characters who suffer no development tend to be boring, and characters undergoing too *much* development tend to come across as spastic, jittery and generally ill-or-misunderstood. Miss Sparrow subverts these two great sins so far. She has her flaws - something which is a rarity in in this section - and unlike most, she does not *just* sit about moping - despite vocal protests she quickly decides to make the most of the lot she's been handed, and to fight tooth and nail despite her fear and hesitation to do so in this 'new world'. It's a wondrous sight, really - she's so far out of her depth and yet she's not simply throwing in the towel.
Another crucial fragment of an O.C is the presence of a dualism in their perception by canonical characters. It is, literally, impossible to create an O.C who will get along with every League champion and their mother without seeming like a Mary Sue. There will be allies, enemies, acquaintances and irksome meetings - there must be. Such is life. And such is displayed in this very chapter: While Liz is viewed as a mistake and a liability by the High Council at first, another Champion seems quite intrigued by her, even going so far as to offer help. Dualism in perception: (S)He who one views as an enemy, another will view as a friend. If that makes sense.
That said, I will admit I am a bit irked by Ahri's appearance. Make no mistake, she's a wonderful character and all, but the amount of character butchery and over-sexing she's received at the hands of the fandom has jaded me towards her, to the point I can't even read her name without thinking "Aw, blimey, here we go again." Nonetheless, going by how you are writing - and going by the command you have over the canonical characters so far (Kalista's "Soft are the targets of our spears" line comes to mind - absolutely beautiful), I dare say there's just a glimmer of hope we'll be averting the whole "Hi - Hello - Let's P00n-P00n! - Okay! :D" cesspool this fandom has created.
Ah. A man can hope, can't he?
In any case, I'm happy to see this story has made such progress, and I'm equally happy to see just how interesting it's turning out to be. I'm off the next chapter - I've started viewing this story as a treat, dear me.
Until then,
-Chaos
3/21/2015 c5 A Reader
To be honest, I've never been much a fan of OC (self)inserts in stories. Oddly, though, I kind of like this story, and I hope it continues.
To be honest, I've never been much a fan of OC (self)inserts in stories. Oddly, though, I kind of like this story, and I hope it continues.
3/17/2015 c4 WhenTwoTearsFall
This was an interesting story to find, if a little cliche. I enjoyed an alternative explanation for the summoners and our world etc. It might be easier to create a rift (no pub intended) between the other champions due to the fact that Elizabeth is just a normal person trying to learn and she is far less experienced, this udually isolates a lot of people. I have an itching feeling that Ahri is more manipulative than she seems.
Can I suggest thay Elizabeth undergoes some sort of proper training? You know, weight lifting, running, exercise to go along with the magic training? Maybe a few more interactions while shes training hard would be great. I wonder how Elizabeth would be scrutinized under the gaze of people like Thresh, Gnar, Sona, or even Singed. I thought Lux and Ezreal were a couple? Oh well.
Elizabeth seems slightly privileged. That seems like a huge flaw that should be developed and changed as her training is persued. If she successfully becomes a leagur champion, will she want to go back to a life of stress and work? After all, Runeterra is exciting and dangerous.
It was an excellent read, keep writing! I enjoy it a lot.
-Kiyoshi-baka
This was an interesting story to find, if a little cliche. I enjoyed an alternative explanation for the summoners and our world etc. It might be easier to create a rift (no pub intended) between the other champions due to the fact that Elizabeth is just a normal person trying to learn and she is far less experienced, this udually isolates a lot of people. I have an itching feeling that Ahri is more manipulative than she seems.
Can I suggest thay Elizabeth undergoes some sort of proper training? You know, weight lifting, running, exercise to go along with the magic training? Maybe a few more interactions while shes training hard would be great. I wonder how Elizabeth would be scrutinized under the gaze of people like Thresh, Gnar, Sona, or even Singed. I thought Lux and Ezreal were a couple? Oh well.
Elizabeth seems slightly privileged. That seems like a huge flaw that should be developed and changed as her training is persued. If she successfully becomes a leagur champion, will she want to go back to a life of stress and work? After all, Runeterra is exciting and dangerous.
It was an excellent read, keep writing! I enjoy it a lot.
-Kiyoshi-baka
3/6/2015 c4 Nunas The No Name
for her training you could go with thing that in earth are easy to master:
guns are easy to use, the hard part is aiming and pulling the trigger
poison and smoke/fire/blast bomb are easy to use, just trow away, hard part, make them
now for the rest, she is a normal human and even if she work out the 10 year she will no be in the level of most champion, therefore she should focus in evade/speed/no being hitted, the power of her could help here (i think i need to see more of that)
for battle or still training i will say the sentence of jean reno in the movie, the professional:
"the more experience you have, you can be closer to you target" signaled by training the girl with a snipergun and saying the last weapon to mastery is the knife
for her training you could go with thing that in earth are easy to master:
guns are easy to use, the hard part is aiming and pulling the trigger
poison and smoke/fire/blast bomb are easy to use, just trow away, hard part, make them
now for the rest, she is a normal human and even if she work out the 10 year she will no be in the level of most champion, therefore she should focus in evade/speed/no being hitted, the power of her could help here (i think i need to see more of that)
for battle or still training i will say the sentence of jean reno in the movie, the professional:
"the more experience you have, you can be closer to you target" signaled by training the girl with a snipergun and saying the last weapon to mastery is the knife
2/19/2015 c1 Guest
Very good! Keep going!
Very good! Keep going!
2/17/2015 c1 9Chaos Productions
Hum. I digress, normally I veer away from the whole "Real Person Gets Sucked Into Game" shtick - while it may be a concept that can be done really well there's just so much that can go so horribly *wrong* it beggars belief. Nonetheless, against what I thought to be my better judgement, I followed the link to this story...
...and now, I digress, I do not regret doing so.
Above I mentioned stories like this one are a concept that *can* be done really well. Well, I don't want to go plucking the dam out from under the duck, seeing as there's only one chapter out so far, but you've got one of the things that can contribute to being "done well" down pat: your OC. In a fandom where we get everything from overpowered policemen with obscure names to overpowered incubi who can instill carnal desire at a glance, it is downright *refreshing* to see an OC start out as humbly as this one. No weapons, not much in terms of skill, getting outright slaughtered in their first match and, most importantly, allowing the temporal displacement to affect her in some way?
Forgive me if I sound sociopathic, but this is downright delightful.
Now like I said, seeing as this is only the first chapter (of hopefully many to come) I won't go praising this as "amazing!" or "the bomb!" just yet. However, I am highly intrigued by what you've written so far and, dare I say it, I'm downright excited to see how this plays out. Whether you are aware of it or not, you've created something with a *lot* of potential here. In terms of actual chapter content, story arcs, character development, relationship structures - it's one of the stories with *the* most potential I've seen in the section thus far.
I am eager to see where this goes, and that says something considering my innate hatred of stories like this. That you've actually converted me into not only reading but *following* this story stands testament to what you've achieved. Nonetheless, a review can only go on so long before it turns into blatant arse-kissing so I think I'll cut it off here.
Many thanks for the delightful new find, and best of luck with all your future chapters - may they be many and magnificent.
Sincerely,
-Chaos
9Chaos ProductionsHum. I digress, normally I veer away from the whole "Real Person Gets Sucked Into Game" shtick - while it may be a concept that can be done really well there's just so much that can go so horribly *wrong* it beggars belief. Nonetheless, against what I thought to be my better judgement, I followed the link to this story...
...and now, I digress, I do not regret doing so.
Above I mentioned stories like this one are a concept that *can* be done really well. Well, I don't want to go plucking the dam out from under the duck, seeing as there's only one chapter out so far, but you've got one of the things that can contribute to being "done well" down pat: your OC. In a fandom where we get everything from overpowered policemen with obscure names to overpowered incubi who can instill carnal desire at a glance, it is downright *refreshing* to see an OC start out as humbly as this one. No weapons, not much in terms of skill, getting outright slaughtered in their first match and, most importantly, allowing the temporal displacement to affect her in some way?
Forgive me if I sound sociopathic, but this is downright delightful.
Now like I said, seeing as this is only the first chapter (of hopefully many to come) I won't go praising this as "amazing!" or "the bomb!" just yet. However, I am highly intrigued by what you've written so far and, dare I say it, I'm downright excited to see how this plays out. Whether you are aware of it or not, you've created something with a *lot* of potential here. In terms of actual chapter content, story arcs, character development, relationship structures - it's one of the stories with *the* most potential I've seen in the section thus far.
I am eager to see where this goes, and that says something considering my innate hatred of stories like this. That you've actually converted me into not only reading but *following* this story stands testament to what you've achieved. Nonetheless, a review can only go on so long before it turns into blatant arse-kissing so I think I'll cut it off here.
Many thanks for the delightful new find, and best of luck with all your future chapters - may they be many and magnificent.
Sincerely,
-Chaos