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for RWBY's Little Monster

2/26/2015 c2 Guest
Last form? That sounds ominous...

2/25/2015 c2 Guest
Nice job so far. RWBY is in over its head now.

If another monster shows up, could it be Goliath? Mostly cause I want to see a Goliath curb stomp Ream CFVY. And, because it's funny, have Coco's clothes incinerated, seeing that she likes fashion.
2/26/2015 c2 2SteelWingAngel
One of the best evolve stories I have read so far. Can't wait for the next chapter.
2/26/2015 c2 Noob6
excellent story, my sugestion on the monsters is that since their babies, they could imprint themselves on the first beings they see, so goliath see's yang first, thus see's her as its mother etc. also i have an idea for behemoth, unlike the others, he is small, but eventually grows to be gigantic, towering over the other evolved, but he is a complete mama's boy and always tries to hide behind blake(who i think would be his mother-figure) and curling up into a ball when he's shy or nervous, just something for behemoths character quirk
2/25/2015 c2 zerochance117
Yup definitely is a good story I like I give five of five stars. Keep it up dude/dudet
2/25/2015 c2 4Krazyfanfiction1
lots of promise.
keep up the good work
2/25/2015 c2 8runemyth0
Great chapter, dude. The length was actually kinda surprising, wasn't expecting such a long piece of writing when I saw you had updated. Wonder whats gonna happen to Remnant when the eggs hatch, and who's gonna be the Alpha among our baby monsters? I'm guessing the first to hatch, but what will hatch is up in the air until you post the next chapter.

IMO the Goliath should be named Scruffy or Drei and the Kraken should be Howard Phillips (H.P. for short) or Sparky. Behemoth would most likely be something like Cliff or Rocky. Not sure what to call the Wraith.

Only a few discrepancies, in my opinion. It might be your authorial touch, but isn't the Wraith's ability called Supernova, not Blade Storm? IIRC Caira states in one of the pre-drop dialogues that monster eggs are just goop until they hatch, no actual baby monster inside. Again, author's touch, don't listen to me if you meant to do those. It only bothered me a small amount.

Also, if you are looking for a Beta, I would love to Beta your story(s). PM me if you want me to. Or don't. Whatever you want to do. It's your life.
2/25/2015 c2 Fire of the Void
I think you should have the wraith partner with ruby since she most likely inherited one of the wraiths powers, the goliath with yang sounds like a good idea strength with strength, the kraken with Weiss long range party, the behemoth would make a good distraction for Blake to be speedy or the awaiting designation if its like pure stealth. By the way good job on the First RWBY Evolve crossover I think it has a lot of potential the monsters teaming up with hunters against the lifeless.
2/23/2015 c1 Guest
Please update soon.
2/25/2015 c2 2XxoiIioxX
I love the story so far, the only thing I'd recommend is to start a new line when a new character starts talking, that way your reader can keep track of where they are easier, and it becomes more interesting visually
2/25/2015 c2 6Potat0s0Verlord
Behemoth - Rocky, or Tank.
Kraken - Cthulhu- XD just kidding, Sparky.
Wraith - Reapster (like reaper, except cuter) or Scyther
Goliath - Brutus, probs.
5th Monster - Bob. Because epic monsters need simple names.
Just keep up the good work! And a tip for correct writing on dialogue would be like this:
"Hey, Blake, do you know where we are?" Ruby asked.
Blake shook her head. "No, but you could ask the crazy guy over there."
"Wow," I say with a false irritated tone, "you guys are sure nice..."
"So, guys, what are we going to do?" Weiss questioned.
"Well, for starters, I'm going to finish this review. So, Leviathan, in dialogue, it helps to separate who's talking to avoid confusion like the example above, so I hope you continue with the good work!"
2/25/2015 c2 Zetta the Badass Overlord
I really like this fanfiction, I have the game evolve and I absolutely love the kraken. Also why would the wraith give the team information on the other three of the baby's are all wraiths, I think ruby will get a wraith and Weiss will maybe get a kraken, the others I don't know. But if you have a kraken you should name it chibithulu because the kraken was based of cthulu just given a species name instead of an individual's name. The baby wraith's name should be a type of pun based on its anatomy and Ruby's crescent rose. If one of the baby's is a goliath please make it have the savage goliath skin because if its just grey that's boring. Just a couple ideas but please keep making these. 10/10
2/25/2015 c2 GrimReaver257
Looks like team RWBY's in for a few headaches in the near future...and the Grimm's population is going to take a plunge once all the eggs hatch...
2/22/2015 c1 Guest
Please update soon
2/24/2015 c1 Potat0s0Verlord
Interesting. I would be curious to see *other* monsters like the Kraken, Goliath, or Behemoth in the story (perhaps for team RWBY to hunt due to their attacks on humans, then find their eggs to raise because... why not? A pet Goliath would be awesome for Weiss)
Keep up the good work!
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