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5/29/2020 c9 1aaronmag
Okay - back for the final piece...

Where the god[s] forsaken storm came from or how it got pass[ed]the borders were questions that Malcolm Pace, Son of Athena and Vice Counselor of Cabin Six, was willing to wait to have answers for.

"Someone untangled me!" a camper shouted.

untangled-untangle

Percy breathed in deep. Exhale. He banished the thoughts of Tartarus back to the recesses of his mind - to the same place his math lessons always ended up in.

Ha!

Rachel Elizabeth Dare was not a person that quit as soon as things got though, but she was well aware of her limits and how far she could push them before she crashed.

though-tough

The Hunters had won.

What! Again! Ah well, I guess they get to keep their streak.

The campers moved in [a] fast and controlled pace.

“The way this works is that as far as anyone is concerned, Bianca di Angelo died years ago, she spend all her time in the Underworld until last year when she went through rebirth and was born into her next life. So to summarize, Bianca di Angelo no longer exists."

spend-spent

"How about a warning next time?" he asked. "And am I going to get in trouble for this? I rather not get shot somewhere sensitive cause of you."

Ha!

I don't think we know [him] all that well."

Hmmm so this is the end of this story. What comes next? This tie back to the series now?

My memory of Percy Jackson is not the best and I don’t think I read them all...
5/26/2020 c8 aaronmag
"Why are my siblings so violent?"

Ha ha.

Death Breath is good for something after all, Clarisse thought.

Love this.

He got up to a knee only to dived to the side

dived-dive

Clarisse La Rue sent fist after first
first-fist

Nico held his sword by the handle, and stab[bed] it into the ground.

The impact made her slid[e] back, but other than the slight dent in her armor, Clarisse was no worse for wear.

-Gods, I hope Father doesn’t hear about this.”
Ha ha!

“Soon,” she whispered. “Soon we’ll see each other again.”

Wow. I always felt Bianca di Angelo didn’t get to fully develop in the story. Nice.

I had no idea who Buster Blader was, but I could tell you were referring to specific moves. So I did a Google search. Still don’t know who he is, but I get it that he is an actual character in a game.
5/23/2020 c7 aaronmag
Okay, back for more. Commenting as I go:

“Time to see if the campers have gotten in my absence,”

I think something is missing here. Better?

Guerrilla warfare Barbie...

Ha ha!

She was slightly help[ed] by the fact that...

First your device leaves [me] blind and deaf...

We’re going to have to [make him] fight more of us at once.

Piper and [H]azel tightened their grips in their weapons.

“I don’t care about the gods’ position in the war...”

I was always under the impression Annabeth and her mom were closer than most parent/demigods.

...falling into a two feet [foot] pit...

Pretty exciting. I liked I didn’t have to switch back and forth between battles, but it is tough to keep the action straight.
5/18/2020 c6 aaronmag
Back for more. Commenting as I go:

He grinned. "In more ways than one."

Ewwww...it’s your sister dude.

Alexandra shifted her jaw then spit to the side. When she grinned again, her teeth were fixed and pearly white.

This has been a pretty exciting battle!

Alexandra laughed in mad glee at the concept.

Hmmm...I was rooting for her, but now I wonder if I should. Annabeth has undoubtedly been working hard on her plans to rebuild Olympus.

The capture the flag contest between Campers and Hunters had begun.

Exciting!

As you may, or may not have noticed when the island was created, Alexandra used a spell (fairy tail style) based on a yugioh card of the same name.

I am not familiar with yugioh. It will be interesting to see how this all fits together.
5/13/2020 c5 aaronmag
Percy couldn’t help it, the feelings he had for Zoe had resurfaced when he suspected her reappearance.

Okay, you are playing tricks on my memory. I didn’t think she and Percy ‘had a thing’. Nor did I think the Percy and Thalia were romantically inclined. Elizabeth Dare, Calypso, and Annabeth (of course) were the ones I remember.

She felt like she had too much Ambrosia and had also ran a marathon from New York to San Francisco.

Ooh. I like that. Technically that would be several marathons, but for the sake of simplicity in language this works.

“I love you too, boy…”

Ah, there is the Zoey I remember. :)

…and of course planning a way to somehow win Capture the Flag against the Hunters.

Yes! Like I said Thalia was committed to getting Camp Halfblood a win. So Annabeth, as her successor, will be the one to pull it off.

“I’ll kill you, Prissy.”

Yes! I was just wondering when Clarisse was going to show up.

Stop gaping you bunch of idiots…

Ha ha. I am liking your dialogue with Clarisse! :)

Pokemon... hmmm, interesting. I'll see where you are going with this.
5/13/2020 c4 aaronmag
Couldn’t resist moving to the next chapter.

I did find a typo: He tried to snap it but the shaft didn't budged.

I think it should be ‘budge’

He was about to just take [it] out completely when two arrow[s] flew out of the shadows and into his arms.

"I'll see you soon Nico, Percy," she said. "Try to stay alive, I would hate for either of you to die before you could see me again since my death and rebirth."

Nico’s sister? I guess I will have to read on to find out.

Also I must be obtuse. I didn’t know Percy was gathering a harem. I just thought he was reuniting with old friends. I did think the Rachel Elizabeth Dare references time ‘spending a lot of time’ were odd, but just assumed they were just hanging out. From what I remember Annabeth went from being kind of a bitch to Rachel to being her friend. I will have to look back at your earlier chapters.
5/13/2020 c3 aaronmag
Thought this all flowed pretty well. I do miss, however, the more antagonistic relationship Percy and Thalia had early in the series. “Bring it on pine cone face,” was a hilarious moment. And it will be interesting to see if they play a game of Capture the Flag. Thalia so wanted to win one for Camp a Half-blood back then.
5/12/2020 c2 aaronmag
I had to read some Riordan wiki stuff...my daughter and I never made it as far as Calypso meeting Leo. That is good! I always liked Leo.

I know Selene is a titan, but did she appear in Riordan’s work? Or is this your spin?

As I said in the first chapter you captured the character voices well. Leo definitely felt like Leo. I like the reference to a daughter for Artemis and how Athena had gotten away with it. Very intriguing...
5/11/2020 c1 aaronmag
Since I can’t review Phandelver yet I figured I’d look at some of your other work to repay you for the reviews. I do know Percy and crew so I went with them.

You’ve done a good job of nailing the mood. Especially when Leo says ‘most things’. That sounded very Leo like.

I was curious as to who is threatening them now? I will look forward to reading more.
6/9/2016 c9 2JustLucky05
nice, very nice. I really enjoyed that. keep up the great work.
5/17/2016 c9 Guest
where is the next chapter pleeeeaaase hurry
2/11/2016 c4 1RavenPuffPrefect1296
Is it Bianca?
2/11/2016 c2 RavenPuffPrefect1296
Say WHAAAAT?! Artemis had a daughter?!
2/11/2016 c1 RavenPuffPrefect1296
Ooooh...nice. The story is really good. It really captured my attention. Keep it up!
2/11/2016 c8 2JustLucky05
excellent! I loved it. It was nice to see this story updated. keep up the wonderful work!
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