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6/20/2016 c6 demonicKitsune2
I've never seen a Shino/Hinata pairing before, that's a pretty good idea. Also the actual Orochimaru showing up that was unexpected for it to be so soon, I thought you would wait until the Forest of Death first.
6/20/2016 c4 demonicKitsune2
If this was a scene in the actual show I don't think Naruto would need to learn how to play poker, he has the Uzumaki luck! Many fan fictions have emphasized this.
6/18/2016 c31 Guest
Honesly I hate you, you pathetic peice of shit instead of quickly wrapping dog shit for Christmas so off you caneed get a present because this was good at first then rushed and shitted on fuck you and good day
6/16/2016 c31 10Rinnegan no Ozil
This was one hell of an amazing Naruto story. Eagerly awaiting for the sequel.
P.S. Since you'asked' so nicely, I will try my hand at another chapter of one of my fics.
6/13/2016 c18 Rinnegan no Ozil
That was one badass way to finish that bitch. Damn.
6/3/2016 c3 2RyuukTheHatter
im curious about something... naruto just played of exactly what his jutsu is supposed to do the kagebusion is a infiltration and replacement based jutsu and it specifically states in that anime that it gives its memories back to the original and its others. is this one of your alterations or has it just not registered yet? im only asking do to how much it played into narutos original training and how he developed.
5/21/2016 c31 4Bochord of Leaspell
Holy shit this is way worse than Kanabi Bridge
4/29/2016 c20 23Astiar
Pout. You are making me empathize with Orochimaru. The morbidly curious and clinical parts of me would probably join this version of him.

I do love this fic so far. Part of me is really hoping that Shino has an epiphany and develops feelings for Naruto too. That would be too cute. I also really want to see them return to Konoha. On one hand I want Hinata to kick her families backside on the other I want them to hurt her again and Naruto and Shino lose it on them.
4/22/2016 c31 Anonymous
Using this story as an advertisement for rationalist techniques makes it weaker as a story. While I realize that was your reason for making it, rationality and clarity of thought don't serve useful purposes in it - rather, thought in this story is portrayed as skewing threat and risk assessment, and leading to cooperations with unpalatable results.

As a story, this starts out decent, but underlines a lot of really significant mistakes on the parts of all people involved. A scouting run into a DMZ between two other powers is a MAJOR deal, not a simple milk run used to get neophytes away from home in a pinch. Anko chose the wrong tack to use with the genin while in Sound, as being divisive to draw in offers of defection is a bit too emotionally flensing to be comfortable. Hinata... she's just too mindfucked to be a proper heir, and her father should have realized that, unless he was setting her up to be his puppet (which is why I hate his character flaws being exaggerated for story purposes - in canon, he was just super-incompetent at raising children, and extremely uncomfortable around his own offspring). Naruto got suspicious, but after handling the obvious traps, got screwed over by a jerk-ass genie, not by his own lack of intelligence. Orochimaru's last catastrophe was too heavy on infrastructure demolition, weakening his own abilities to enact back-up plans without having ANBU appear out of nowhere. The Republic was a bit too developed to have come out of isolation - innovation tends to be a result of trying to overcome another, not because you stayed in your own corner of the world.

I'll admit that I assumed the gas main explosion was caused by Orochimaru, rather than being an actual accident, because it seems in keeping with just how callously he used up his forces earlier. Leaving the genin team alive after extinguishing the sixty-something people affiliated with the chuunin who were undone by Naruto and Hinata seemed counterintuitive, unless he wanted some gauge to use to measure team Anko's growth, especially considering how heavily grudges were borne in your work. Honestly, at the rate he was going, his village should be depopulated in a decade from his actions alone.

I don't expect this review to actually be helpful - it feels more like I'm just picking nits. I think you started in a good place, but I also feel as though you didn't plot this story out in advance. If you are still writing, you might want to try that some time. If you did plot this out in advance, I'd recommend trying to balance the scenes more between Konoha and the Outside, especially if you want to highlight a contrast between them.
4/20/2016 c31 rakaduani
Well shoot that is not how you expect a naruto story to end. Polyamory and leaving Naruto behind in the clutches of Orochimaru in this less crazy but still absolutely terrifying version. I also liked your summary of options with Shino.
4/16/2016 c7 hitman62189
Okay. This Orochimaru is perplexing. He seems more like a tragic help them a sick monster. I can guess he had a soft spot for Anko and has taken her, and her team, so he can help her "train" them.
4/16/2016 c3 hitman62189
I have read several fanfics and I must say, after only three chapters, this seems to be the most realistic depiction of Naruto I've ever come across. The fact that you took out the memory sharing ability of the shadow clones was upsetting. Mostly because it's so common for it to be exploited and I've gotten really use to it. When you used the characters to explain why you chose to change that ability ;it made a lot of sense and I agree. I look forward to reading the rest.
4/3/2016 c17 SpokenSoftly
"Crushed like an egg beneath a hammer" is a fundamentally-accurate statement, however it applies quite the other way 'round. Assuming the Republic is basically modern America in terms of techbase and infrastructure, and is the source of the canon schizotech in Naruto proper, a single canon Jonin, going by observed physical feats, using basic jutsu, could wipe out a platoon of well-equipped solders without trouble. Fire burns most military gear easily enough, lightning and cutting wind can be used to get past the fireproof bits and let the burning continue. As for large-scale destructive weaponry, it's made painfully clear that such things were the norm in earlier shinobi wars.

To put it simply, one Jonin, with their displayed average abilities, is as lethal as and capable of taking down without effort somewhere in the range of a hundred well-equipped soldiers outfitted with the best of modern protections, provided they have the element of surprise which is trivially simple to secure.
4/3/2016 c15 SpokenSoftly
I quite enjoy your characterization of Kurama here. However, my SoD went straight out the window when you had Naruto, up 'til now portrayed as fairly similar to canon, start talking about moral weight as if it were a casual concept. "Bayesian," as well, snapped the fragile suspension I'd managed to recreate as I read further. The Elemental Nations are blatantly patterned on Japan with some Eastern influences, but the language is pretty much exclusively Japanese. Unless you're proposing that "Bayes" was someone in your OC-country, this is just a ridiculous insertion.

Frankly, it's a fairly ridiculous insertion regardless. This fic is perfectly workable without the paragraphs-long lectures on morality and "rationality" from otherwise-fairly-typical teenagers.
4/1/2016 c31 FicitonalFicitonfan
Well, damn, this story was great. different from what i usually read, somehow...brighter? -for lack of a better word- it's really just good, it's good to read, it feels..right, in a sense. yea, i know, i'm being confusing, but you get the jist. thanks for the hard work.
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