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11/12/2015 c2 4eagle eyes98
A healthy amount of cursing in this, I would say to try limiting that a little bit, while these words can very much display and intense emotion very quickly, an overuse is distasteful to the ears. Curse words are very powerful when used correctly, they allow most readers an instant connection with the feeling of the characters, but using too many too fast makes a character just seem bratty really.

Your writing is good, it's grammatically sound, but I'd say to try working a little on syntax. Your sentences don't seem like they connect smoothly. It's akin to listening to music and pausing and playing the song at random times.

Other than that, the story is interesting, and I'd like to see it continued, even if that's the most hypocritical thing I've ever said in my life.
4/21/2015 c2 55NebStorm
This is awesome, please continue! :)
3/29/2015 c1 UnkownSoul
A really short prologue, but I will still keep an eye on this

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