for Amity Girl
25/12/2015 c4 Guest
This was awesome! it's cool that u r telling it from an amity view but u r still including real events form divergent . Can't wait for chapter 5
This was awesome! it's cool that u r telling it from an amity view but u r still including real events form divergent . Can't wait for chapter 5
4/15/2015 c1 Username95
"The weight and momentum of the dog nearly dragged me off me feet"
I know you're northern, but I'm guessing that's a typo.
"I'd never... so brusquely to her."
"I felt the hairs on the back of her neck prickle"
"I cracked... told her to go with happiness"
"I put her head down and concentrated on my food. The conversation she had overheard"
You've gone from first person to third person a few times. I think I got them all.
"Finally, we are there, and now I am nervous."
Wasn't she already nervous? Could just be being pedantic, I know.
"A doubt prickles in the back of mind."
I think you meant "my mind."
Well, considering that I didn't really like the film much, it's okay. I wanted to keep reading to the next chapter which is a good sign. I reckon that someone unfamiliar with the books/film will be able to pick up the concept as well. Although Amity people seem to have a lot of free evenings if they have so many kids.
6.5/10. You did ask for a rating.
"The weight and momentum of the dog nearly dragged me off me feet"
I know you're northern, but I'm guessing that's a typo.
"I'd never... so brusquely to her."
"I felt the hairs on the back of her neck prickle"
"I cracked... told her to go with happiness"
"I put her head down and concentrated on my food. The conversation she had overheard"
You've gone from first person to third person a few times. I think I got them all.
"Finally, we are there, and now I am nervous."
Wasn't she already nervous? Could just be being pedantic, I know.
"A doubt prickles in the back of mind."
I think you meant "my mind."
Well, considering that I didn't really like the film much, it's okay. I wanted to keep reading to the next chapter which is a good sign. I reckon that someone unfamiliar with the books/film will be able to pick up the concept as well. Although Amity people seem to have a lot of free evenings if they have so many kids.
6.5/10. You did ask for a rating.