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for A Messenger's Angst

11/17/2015 c13 12jakey121
0/10
no stars
utter shit
should be ashamed tbh

and you arent my friend wtf. dont call me that. and its ok i hated caleigh too
11/16/2015 c13 Aspect
Savage
11/12/2015 c12 6Alecxias
Hello!

I know this review thing is long overdue considering you asked me to do it eons ago. I've been sort of busy the past couple of months and at that point was half way through reading another SYOT, which was quite gripping. I started reading this about a week ago and have caught up!

First of all it's a shame that you had to skip out on most of the Capitol events, I think they are the best moments at seeing the characters grow and to see their initial reactions with each other. We did see chariots and the banquet (Which I loved, it looked like a lame ass Prom or something lol)

I don't know if you want me to do a full review of the characters or not as I am far too late now as it is. I'm going to do it by their alliances. Makes it easier for me.

Auriga, Jude and Foster:

Auriga comes off as a badass to me but at the same time she's not very likeable. To me she seems irritable and hypocritical. I do agree with what Jude said that she was being snobbish despite judging for herself that the Careers were snobbish. It's like she's still a Career but she's not in the pack. Which is probably stating the obvious.
Jude and his obsession with coins. I didn't find Jude as annoying, I just found the way he would jiggle around his pockets for coins annoying. He seems overconfident with winning but I feel like he won't last that long in the arena.
Foster, he's different. Moody yet mysterious. I liked how he popped out of nowhere in the banquet and practically forced his way into this alliance. A* to him for the courage. Other than that I didn't see much of him, or at least I don't think I did. But I guess that's a good thing, because he's left unnoticed and would sneak in and win? Possibly.

Quentyn and Ayden

Quentyn is a mystery to me. I like his interaction with his mentor. It's funny. I found it funny anyway. He's sort got that allure of quietness that draws you in and I quite like that. There's nothing else I can say much about him really but him and Ayden seem to fit together like puzzle pieces.
Ayden comes across as weird to me. Like he seems to speak to himself more than to anyone but yet he's there and people listen to him. I have to admit that I didn't like him at all, I don't know why it's just the way he acts. Seems fishy to me, excuse the pun.

Jazzlyn, Corton, Jada, Kelsier and Demetrius

Jazzlyn. Where do I start with her? In short, she's amazing from the reapings to now. She had kept a positive outlook on everything she has done. It's a breath of fresh air seeing a Career be that positive. It's almost too creepy how she does it. Like an overcharged puppy asking for food, play and walks all at the same time.
Corton, I don't like. He's the complete opposite of his partner despite them joking about at the start. He does take the initiative more and I guess that's a good quality to have. He might do well but he might turn on his team a lot faster. I noticed that he doesn't like getting too close to people.
Jada, seems like the run of the mill Career to me. She likes to take charge, trains hard and looks for the best and only the best. Although with the tributes in this story, it's quite hard for her it would seem and she's left out of the limelight often by her comrades or the outlier tributes. I don't know how she would fare in the arena.
Kelsier almost seem desperate. She trained for the Games, yes, but if she wasn't in the initial Careers then I'm guessing she would've struggled with only her district partner. She seemed almost to excited to have been invited to be in the Pack which in turn can cost her dearly.
Demetrius also seems like another side character to me. Although I did like him during the Chariot stages where he and Kelsier had a moment. During which he was insecure about his scars too which initially perked my interest in him.

Aegis and Silo

Aegis has always been neutral to me. She's sort of in between being angry and then being grumbly. I'm going to guess that she's been through a lot of things. But I like her curiosity which resulted in that blackout scene (which was a weird concept but I loved it none the same). I have to admit her alliance with Silo was never on my radar. I didn't see them interact, or unless I missed it.
Silo, I don't know what to say. There isn't much to say about him. I hardly know him. All I remember of Silo was the reapings, where he was angry a lot but softened when his family came. I know that he'll do anything for them and that is often the drive people need in the Games.

Klaus and Sutter

Klaus to me is a loose cannon. I don't know what to think of him. He's all nice one moment and then sleazy the next. But I never liked him, I think his face claim goes well with his personality. That's all I have to say.
Sutter, wow. He's something else isn't he? The way he treated all those girls, is almost unfair to them. His best friend is right though. One of these days all the karma will come lashing back to him. This could be that moment.

Cerise, Arika, Codee and Kaori

Cerise, I felt so sorry for her. She clearly loves her parents so much but it's a shame they don't return the favour. It's like she's not even theirs. The way she tricks herself into still thinking they care for her is saddening. Her last moment change in the helicarrier though is something else. I'd like to see what happens to her and how her alliances handle that.
Arika is different. She's positive and caring but she has a certain bluntness to her that she can easily pass off as a joke. Which helps her in situations. The way she joined this alliance with Codee was quite funny, just the other two whispering about her. I think she secretly knows they didn't want her in the first place but she's going to persevere.
Codee is also different. He acts all nervous and afraid but at the same time he has a sort of genuineness to him that makes people calm. He doesn't seem approachable but once you get to know him he's a barrel of laughs.
Kaori. I didn't expect her to be this grim, when I saw the face claim I was all 'Aww' but she's quite cynical and pessimistic. It's like she silently accepts her fate but then at the same time she wants to be as bad as possible before she eventually dies. I can see her becoming that in the arena.

Kyran, Kiah and Solari
(Before I start can I just say that these three people are my favourite alliance ever! It's like they all gel together and make such a happy group of friends although somewhat built on awkwardness) (This bit will probably all be biased opinions for my love of these three)

Kyran thinks too much. He needs to speak out more because what he actually does think makes perfect sense. It's frustrating seeing him this flustered. I want him to go far but he worries too much. I like his interaction with Kiah.
Speaking of, Kiah is the glue that holds this group together. She may not look like a leader but she is that one person that both the other two relies on. She could breakdown though which would cause me to breakdown, and since I often read these on the Bus to Uni then I would breakdown in public.
Solari, I thought he was going to be another brute from district Eleven but boy was I wrong. He's quite something, his backstory is quite humbling. He has both the smarts and the brawn to face off the Careers if needs be. I'm not sure he's that confident though. Which is a shame.

Eilat, Devyn and Caleigh

Eilat, I simply found her annoying. She's too much for me. Everything about her is really annoying. I don't have much to say about her just what where the other two thinking when they allied with her.
Devyn. It's a shame about her little alliance with the Nine guys. I felt sorry when she practically got shoved to the side by Corton. She seems strong and I'm sure she'll make it far.
Caleigh is another where I think she'll make it far. She has an air of independence about her that makes me want to route for her. I agree wholeheartedly with everything she said about Eilat. She's too good natured to actually kill someone though. She is already having doubts.

Well there's what I thought about all of them. Your fic is quite good and I can't wait for you to update this!

Again sorry for the late review ~ Alec
10/30/2015 c1 Radio Free Death
Here’s my review as part of the review request! I hope it helps.

[Another year, another pamphlet.]

Quite an intriguing opener! It makes me want to read further. That’s why I think that should be the main priority in the next paragraph, and not necessarily Aldo’s wife. Her introduction is a bit clumsily added in. Perhaps instead of remarking on how beautiful Marissa is in the middle of an important scene, why not have her interrupt him later when she notices he’s still awake and writing and can’t sleep? Then it’ll feel a bit more natural and not shoehorned in.

Having a rebel POV in the opening scene is a nice change from the usual Gamemaker/President/Victor commentary. I do want to point out a few things about Aldo being a rebel that raises a few questions. So Aldo gladly uses Dalton for information, but doesn’t he realize that a Victor who can be so easily persuaded to reveal his secrets might also just as easily tell everything to the Capitolite he’s seeing? What about the notes he writes to the rebels, he mentions that he has no idea what they’re even working for, so why doesn’t he have close communication with them? The things he picks up from the other districts is really, really vague. ‘maybe a few more academies were built, maybe some people got richer and some poorer. Precious resource mining remains the main source of many people’s incomes’. The word ‘maybe’ is incredibly dubious as he’s basically just guessing, not even well researched in what academies or even what mining resource. All the other districts are just as poorly described.

It’s just that you can’t be vague, especially if he’s a rebel leader charged with getting extra information the others can’t get. If he’s being intentionally vague to ward off detection if he papers fell into the wrong hands, that’s what ciphers are for.

I really hope this rebellion leads somewhere. More often than not the planned rebellions waste resources on things such as giving Victors details on the arena, as opposed to attacking the regime directly.
10/8/2015 c12 7Jalen Kun
[2:04:53 AM] Jalen Kun: Kiah smiles through her pain, nodding and accepting my embrace.

[2:26:04 AM] Jalen Kun: Eilat, however, was a wild card. There was silence on every tribute's lips as she received a glistening 11. An 11. Even Eilat was surprised. She didn't think that sleeping with the Head Gamemaker the night previously would get her that good of a score. She was better in bed than she bragged.
[2:26:07 AM] Jalen Kun: I cant

[2:28:19 AM] Jalen Kun: Demetrius got a 7, which was more than he bargained for. Happy with his score, a warm fuzzy feeling inside his stomach, he smiled softly. why is my tribute such a bitch wtf

[2:37:07 AM] Jalen Kun: Demetrius was a wild-card for the Capitol. They weren't sure what to make of the boy who remained so silent - would he finally speak up and make some kind of move? But he chose to remain quiet, answering questions with "yes" or "no" answers, gritting his teeth all the while. what. DEMETRIUS WAS SUPPOSED TO SLAM TESS. AND WHY IS DEMETRIUS SO QUIET? KELLY WHAT ARE YOU DOING GURL

these were my basic thoughts while reading these past 3 chapters I was behind on. :) I really do enjoy your writing Kelly, a lot, but yeah I honestly do think the only only ONLY thing you need to work on is detail. like I know you're getting bored with SYOTs now, but some scenes did feel a bit rushed. I don't know. Overall, though, this has been a really enjoyable read! I can't wait for the Bloodbath next chapter, although I'm 99.9% sure Demetrius dies, so. yeah

byyyyeeeeeeee!
(Ander is in the chapter i'm writing now btw lol)

kiss kiss
10/6/2015 c12 2TitanMaddix
I really enjoyed this. The Capitol summary was a very neat idea! It still gave us the details we needed to know, without dragging through the long process of the Capitol chapters. Neat.

Alright, aside from the things we already knew from previous chapters some stuff I found interesting was training scores and the interviews.

Did Jude ask for some coins to jingle for his private sessions? :P

Holy fuck Eilat. 11? That's neat. How she did it is... damn. Well she's going to be targeted for sure.

The interviews were fun. I enjoyed Foster's was my favorite.

Okay well. I hope the Bloodbath comes soon! I can see the arena being a city like many others have said. Buuuuuuuut. Maybe like. A unique twist with it? I don't know. MY brain isn't working today. Anyway, update soon. You're great and wonderful! All that good stuff. Don't kill Jude. Byeeeee :)
10/3/2015 c12 31li'l fat necrosis
Basic thoughs; eilat is a filthy fake hoe, just like her, solari is a bae, and jazzlyn may be bae?

Tbh i imagine that the arena will be a town? maybe a cigeratte?
9/28/2015 c12 11BamItsTyler
a CaPitOL Summary... that's actually smart WTF, although that kinda skips on POV's that some tributes might've lacked but Idk.

The alliances we already went over right? I'm 100% positive we had- no that was the chariot rides, but the Careers splitting up was notified.

Jazz with dat 10, eyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy omg. Why the fuck is Eliat with a 11, get out plz.. stop that's witchcraft. How though?!

Tess the albino ey? And u like to see people cry while you bitch. Hahhaahah. I can imagine Jzzy's interview now. Just like how Corton and her was on the train, just on a much more funnier scale...WHY THE FUCK DIDN'T YOU WRITE THE FULL INTERVIEWS. ugh. you see what you made me do, I yelled at you. I dont like doing it either.

Foster drunk!? Ugh, wow, I wanna see that. Everyone seems to have survived Tess' bashing to some degree..although I would've loved to see some of those scenes. Gee, I wonder what the arena is if they had to be drugged instead of the same old same old. Interesting...

...You do not take care of us, stop lying.

But seriously, for the most part, this was a really smart plan, although I'd much rather prefer the whole thing. but then again, we dont all have the time to slave away. its better than to give up altogether.
9/27/2015 c12 SpaceAgeDino
Discussing the alliances, scores, and interviews in one chapter was a good way of recapping the events prior to the memory loss incident. I like how you used a common theme to describe each tribute.
9/27/2015 c12 9Aspect of One
ngl i thought of Melanie's song at first

can't wait for the bb xoxo
9/27/2015 c11 6LokiThisIsMadness
Kelsier: This twist is great... It's so much better than doing a summary, and I love how you came up with this. So what I got from Kelsier, is that she's kinds in the middle. She's not optimistic, but she's not a pessimistic either, and prefers to stay in the middle of things. I'm not getting much from her now, but yeah, I suppose it will get better once we get to the Games, and see how she deals with killing and seeing other people die. Kelsier seems to enjoy being in control, too, so it was nice to see how she was dealing with the memory loss and how'll she'll deal with the Games, where she won't be able to have control in every situation that happens. From now, I'll have her in neutral, but she might become a favorite or a like in a future, it depends on how she does in the Games. We'll see.

Ayden: District Four is great. Both Jada and Ayden have potential to get far, and both of them were great in this chapter. Ayden is quick-witted, and he knows how to play with words but that fight with Jada... it's not gonna turn out well for one of them. Most likely Ayden, since Jada is with what we can call "The Career Pack." Ayden, though, I like the devolopment that he seems to be having. Turning from selfless to selfish will be good for him in the Games, but he got on Jada's bad side, so I really don't know what will be happening. Jada, though, I still love her.

Caleigh: I liked her. However, if she doesn't realize what she needs to do soon enough, she'll get herself killed. The tributes are just people like her, yes, but she'll have to kill if she doesn't want to die. It's her or them, and I'm glad that she started to realize that by the end of the POV. She's rude, she's abrasive, but she's not okay with the idea of killing another human being and that's what I loved the most about her. She's great, and if she manages to make it out of the bloodbath, she might just devolop into a better person, but one that knows what to do. Love that she's with Devyn, too.

Codee: He was great. He really, really was. He's just thirteen, reckless and someone that wants to have fun, but that doesn't stop him from having an heart of gold. Even when Cerise was feeling down, Codee was there, to tell her that she was even braver than he was. He knows how to deal with adernaline, but like here, he was also nervous. Yeah, I really do hope that he doesn't die in the next chapter. He has so much potential to devolop, and ugh, I hope he doesn't die. Loved him.

Favorite: Caleigh, Codee.
Like: Ayden.
Neutral: Kelsier.

The arena... I have no idea. I bet it's something modern, though, since they were wearing sneakers and a hoodie. We'll see.
Great chapter!
9/27/2015 c12 LokiThisIsMadness
I was thinking, so I'm gonna review this first and then the previous chapter, but I'll add my list about who I think and what to die in here, since the last chapter is more about the POVs and this is about the Capitol. So, here we go:

Who do I think will die:
- Kiah
- Quentyn
- Arika
- Eilat
- Solari
- Silo
- Jude
- Aegis

Who do I want to die:
- Quentyn
- Solari
- Arika
- Silo
- Foster
- Eilat
- Corton

I think that some people might go after Aegis, because after all, she was the one that made them forget everything that happened in the Capitol. If she dies or not, I have no idea. I hope not, I liked her... Oh well. Tess, well, she's a bitch. Ruined the interviews for some, and only those that knew how to fight back managed to have a good interview... It's a nice contrast to Caesar, who preffered to help the tributes make a good impression.
Devyn got a 5, aw! It's a good score, not really bad but not really good either. She's somewhere in the middle, and yeah, that can be a good thing. She did well in her interview, so I'm happy! :D

Okay, it's gonna be a great bloodbath.
Update soon, please.
9/26/2015 c12 8My-Mental-Mind
This is gonna be a shortish review, because I'm sleepy soooo...yeah love ya bae! ;)

This was a nice little chapter here. I really like that you've still told us what happened so we don't have to worry about what scores they got and how the alliances were actually made. The alliances were great, most of them were obvious, because we'd already seen them, but it was nice to have a refresh to remind us. The scores were nice, I was surprised by Quentyn's 6, Eilat's 11, and Sutter's 3. Arika got a 6, yay! That's really good for her, so I'm thankful for that :D

Tess is literally a massive bitch, omg, I can't even handle her. I like how most of the tributes just owned her or sidestepped her questions. I feel bad for Silo, who tripped over! That must have been embarrassing for him aww! Foster, I expected, but that was crazy. Arika was just smiling through it.

Well done, Aegis, you fool, now look what you've done! Now everyone's forgotten everything. I'm not entirely sure how the gas got there in the first place, and what exactly that gas was, but I'm not massively invested in that right now. I just wanna sleep.

I'm looking forward to the bloodbath next! I can't wait to read it :D
Loving this story!

Over and out!
~Mental
9/23/2015 c11 4bobothebear
THIS SONG JUST PLAYED ON PANDORA...
it's a sign from our lord and savior jesus chrsit

i must review this.

ok foster is allied with the #idontlikeyournamesorry squad but hey it's ok i love auriga and jude is. ok. kiah and kyran are friKING SQUAD but solari eh sorry im not part of (his apparently large) fan club. caleigh devyn and eilat bring a weird dynamic but im hopeful! jazzy cort jad(e)a, kill sears and da meat ;] make a really interesting group that shows a lot of potential!

okAY BYE HSRYTHEYHSTR POST THE DEATHS :o
9/23/2015 c11 4Cosmic Corsair
hey you're cool dont ever change.

i don't even know how you managed to push through this, but i admire your tenacity. you know i wouldn't mind if you made this a summary, i dont really care but i guess some people do. I just want to be completely sure my character is dead you know? don't leave me hanging like Aspect

i read this awhile ago i dont really remember what happened actually.

want:
- aegis; i forgot who the fuck she is i keep confusing her with cleo from blood money
- ayden; i hate hippies
- kaori; where is she
- silo; come on man

think:
- curtain, he'll fall on a sword
- kiah, she'll choke on a hairball
- jude, he'll slice his adams apple
- foster, he'll trip off the plate and blow up
- kalsu, he'll slime himself to death

arena: highschool. thats pretty scary right

cum on step it up!1
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