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7/17 c11 noahmercado343
couldve been wynn Winter.
7/13 c29 bootypounder69420
Shirou is a grade-SSS moron in this story for some reason.

But the worst part, is the powerscaling. Shirou is able to fight on par with a servant and yet, Roman, RWBY's Level 1 crook, is giving him trouble? That's just bullshit I fully understand trying to make the Rwby cast stronger than in cannon so that their not hopelessly outmatched, but the introductory villain who always has to escape from a group of students because of how weak he is being strong enough to have Shirou consider using Excalibur of all things? That's too much. In your fear of making him too strong, you've made him far too weak.
7/12 c9 PSYCONIG
Okay i'm done this is retardet, i will not use noble phantasm, uses them anyway, i should keep my past life an secret, proceeds to hint it obvious as fuck, i was orphaned at the age of 10. This Shirou Emiya is dumber than a brick
7/12 c7 PSYCONIG
Yeah you totally are not insane if you say something like that...
4/20 c29 Reddevil142
The power scaling and characterization is all over the place. Shirou knows how mages act, he knows that the world would be a better place if they all disappeared, and even then he contemplates teaching magecraft. Still going on about that "their life is worth more than mine" drivel shows that there was zero character development throughout the HGW, which was apparently a mixture of all 3 routes.

Durandal, even if it was degraded to being an E rank noble phantasm would cut right through Torchwick's cane without difficulty (NP that specializes in sharpness and attains an A rank when NPs like Balmung existing on similar level and launch Anti-Army attacks. Try to imagine how sharp it would have to be in order to be ranked among Sealed Excalibur, Merodach, Gram etc). It's miracles aren't consumed when they are used.

Burial Agency members are NOT at servant level. Not even close. Ciel at full power can fight mediocre servant (no servants summoned in the HGW are mediocre, except maybe Astolfo in Apocrypha. Even those with low physical stats like EMIYA and Medea make up for it with skill and Medea wasn't even a fighter in life) until they decide to get somewhat serious and use their Noble Phantasms. Then she's dead. And even she is an exception among the Agency, being Roa's former host and all. Merem Solomon stands a chance, but he's a ridiculously powerful DAA and even then he would lose out to most servants. Chaos was a Top 10 level DAA and he died to Shiki even when trying his hardest. While Shiki could kill him conceptually, A servant could just destroy his body so thoroughly that all 666 beasts die with a casual NP release. And Arc said that she would have struggled to kill him even at her full power (although a lot of it was taken by Roa but you get my point). Arc is Archetype-Earth in the Tsukihime verse, and that's because Heroic Spirits are dead and impossible to summon in that world because of human history being weak. If someone like Saber got reincarnated fully, she would beat Earth-Arc without too much trouble, given she has both Excalibur and Avalon.

Shirou tracing Excalibur fully is impossible. No matter how close to Saber he gets or how powerful his Structural Grasping becomes. It's a divine construct. Using it as a broken Phantasm is even more impossible. And saying that people as weak as Roman and Ozpin will require multiple broken Excaliburs is stupid. Ozpin didn't even put a scratch on Cinder when they fought during Beacon's fall and Roman is terrified of her. Cinder herself would lose badly to Shirou. Even Fate route Shirou who is the weakest of the 3 will beat her in one shot with Caliburn (Magic in RWBY doesn't grant physical strength and her spells won't really matter when nothing she has would be able to block Shirou's NP which is too wide area to even dodge) and none of her attacks have a chance at penetrating Rho Aias.

No huntsman in the verse has even a fraction of the skill that Heroic Spirits do. Sasaki accessed True Magic through pure skill ffs. Ruby could go creating weapons for all her life and they wouldn't even hold a candle to Kanshou and Bakuya. The Mystical Empowering factor is just non existent in this verse. Comparing Dust to Rin's gems is incorrect, one of her Emerald shields was able to block the aftershock of Excalibur Morgan completely when Salter fought Herc at the Einzbern castle and dust at best creates and explosing that can kill 2 people without Aura if they are sitting together.

True Magicians like Zelretch aren't guaranteed a win against the strongest Servants. Even with infinite Prana, it won't do anything if they can't penetrate defenses like the Divine Aegis, Akhilleus Kosmos and Avalon. I can't see Aoko or Zel being able to block fully unsealed Excalibur/Rhongomyniad and Ea either (when all restrains are off, Excalibur killed Sefar who is on a completely different level than anything alive rn and Ea destroyed the world completely, killed Tiamat too). They might win, but they're more likely to lose. Archer Herc will probably beat them too.

Laslty, writing Shirou in the RWBY-verse isn't very smart. This is from the wiki talking about Kanshou and Bakuya - "The original versions of the swords that reached the realm of the Gods due to human sacrifice, rather than the imperfect projected versions, also have a strong affinity against monsters, allowing them to easily cut down creatures like the Gorgon form of Medusa and the extradimensional evil god summoned by Caster in a single strike". Grimm count as monsters (because if they don't then idk what will), consider the power of Caster's summon and GORGON of all things and compare it to any Grimm. The Grimm dragon during the invasion will be bisected before it can even get rid of the cowebs from being asleep for so long. Shirou is too OP on all counts, especially if you get rid of his Prana limitations and the idea was flawed from the start.

Posted this first on chapter 6 accidentally, my bad.
4/20 c6 Reddevil142
The power scaling and characterization is all over the place. Shirou knows how mages act, he knows that the world would be a better place if they all disappeared, and even then he contemplates teaching magecraft. Still going on about that "their life is worth more than mine" drivel shows that there was zero character development throughout the HGW, which was apparently a mixture of all 3 routes.

Durandal, even if it was degraded to being an E rank noble phantasm would cut right through Torchwick's cane without difficulty (NP that specializes in sharpness and attains an A rank when NPs like Balmung existing on similar level and launch Anti-Army attacks. Try to imagine how sharp it would have to be in order to be ranked among Sealed Excalibur, Merodach, Gram etc). It's miracles aren't consumed when they are used.

Burial Agency members are NOT at servant level. Not even close. Ciel at full power can fight mediocre servant (no servants summoned in the HGW are mediocre, except maybe Astolfo in Apocrypha. Even those with low physical stats like EMIYA and Medea make up for it with skill and Medea wasn't even a fighter in life) until they decide to get somewhat serious and use their Noble Phantasms. Then she's dead. And even she is an exception among the Agency, being Roa's former host and all. Merem Solomon stands a chance, but he's a ridiculously powerful DAA and even then he would lose out to most servants. Chaos was a Top 10 level DAA and he died to Shiki even when trying his hardest. While Shiki could kill him conceptually, A servant could just destroy his body so thoroughly that all 666 beasts die with a casual NP release. And Arc said that she would have struggled to kill him even at her full power (although a lot of it was taken by Roa but you get my point). Arc is Archetype-Earth in the Tsukihime verse, and that's because Heroic Spirits are dead and impossible to summon in that world because of human history being weak. If someone like Saber got reincarnated fully, she would beat Earth-Arc without too much trouble, given she has both Excalibur and Avalon.

Shirou tracing Excalibur fully is impossible. No matter how close to Saber he gets or how powerful his Structural Grasping becomes. It's a divine construct. Using it as a broken Phantasm is even more impossible. And saying that people as weak as Roman and Ozpin will require multiple broken Excaliburs is stupid. Ozpin didn't even put a scratch on Cinder when they fought during Beacon's fall and Roman is terrified of her. Cinder herself would lose badly to Shirou. Even Fate route Shirou who is the weakest of the 3 will beat her in one shot with Caliburn (Magic in RWBY doesn't grant physical strength and her spells won't really matter when nothing she has would be able to block Shirou's NP which is too wide area to even dodge) and none of her attacks have a chance at penetrating Rho Aias.

No huntsman in the verse has even a fraction of the skill that Heroic Spirits do. Sasaki accessed True Magic through pure skill ffs. Ruby could go creating weapons for all her life and they wouldn't even hold a candle to Kanshou and Bakuya. The Mystical Empowering factor is just non existent in this verse. Comparing Dust to Rin's gems is incorrect, one of her Emerald shields was able to block the aftershock of Excalibur Morgan completely when Salter fought Herc at the Einzbern castle and dust at best creates and explosing that can kill 2 people without Aura if they are sitting together.

True Magicians like Zelretch aren't guaranteed a win against the strongest Servants. Even with infinite Prana, it won't do anything if they can't penetrate defenses like the Divine Aegis, Akhilleus Kosmos and Avalon. I can't see Aoko or Zel being able to block fully unsealed Excalibur/Rhongomyniad and Ea either (when all restrains are off, Excalibur killed Sefar who is on a completely different level than anything alive rn and Ea destroyed the world completely, killed Tiamat too). They might win, but they're more likely to lose. Archer Herc will probably beat them too.

Laslty, writing Shirou in the RWBY-verse isn't very smart. This is from the wiki talking about Kanshou and Bakuya - "The original versions of the swords that reached the realm of the Gods due to human sacrifice, rather than the imperfect projected versions, also have a strong affinity against monsters, allowing them to easily cut down creatures like the Gorgon form of Medusa and the extradimensional evil god summoned by Caster in a single strike". Grimm count as monsters (because if they don't then idk what will), consider the power of Caster's summon and GORGON of all things and compare it to any Grimm. The Grimm dragon during the invasion will be bisected before it can even get rid of the cowebs from being asleep for so long. Shirou is too OP on all counts, especially if you get rid of his Prana limitations and the idea was flawed from the start.
4/18 c1 17Lerris
I read about seven chapters, but never really got interested. Shirou taking over Jaune's body just is about as anti Shirou as you can get. In the story he isn't really presented a choice, but still, its a bad start to a story with Shirou in it. Beyond that, you apparently gave him the potential to be all powerful at some point, even if you are arguing things are in conflict now. Shirou doesn't need and shouldn't have Aura abilities. He is more than powerful enough as is, and his thing is he has one ability. You were adding in bounded fields and hypnotism at one point, and then talking about teaching magecraft. It just didn't seem to fit. Also, when I left off reading you were comparing Crescent rose to legendary weapons. Ruby is good, but she is not going to be building masterpieces when she is that young. No one is, particularly when half her time is spend on learning to fight at least. One other thing that bugged me, is he took over Jaune, and then was getting his old body back? That was weird.
2/14 c10 Guest
Are you trying to make myrtenaster appear as a np ? Cos that idea sux.
10/12/2020 c1 1Panjason
Oof, from what a guest said and this chapter, this fic seems like potential squandered. Are you seriously having several broken phantasms of the sword of promised victory be even possible. It’s called the sword of promised victory for a reason. Saber alter is scary because the grail allowed her to basically spam or maintain her nuke like power. Only a master like Illiyasviel could even begin to supply Saber the amount of prana to make Saber the same level of danger. Shirou shouldn’t even be able to make a broken phantasm out of the frig*en “SWORD OF PROMISED VICTORY.” Saber was fricken part dragon, the pinnacle of might in Fate, and couldn’t overload her sword. You should have had Shirou use Caladbolg II or something instead.
9/21/2020 c5 Guest
So, you said earlier that shirou has magic resistance for the human spectrum of magecraft which is vastly inferior to the servant spectrum, and now you have a dust flare be a d ranked attack on the human spectrum so he tanks them, but the flares were also apparently far beyond anything in shirous arsenal and from this judgement he decided he would need multiple broken excaliburs to defeat roman and ozpin.
Im sorry WHAT THE FUCK!?

You can tell from the visuals and the effects of the dust train that blew during the breach, that a train full of dust is chump change compared to a broken caladbolg(just watch that clip seriously huge explosion).

While a character bias would effect their judgements so that readers should digest such comparions with a grain of salt, they still must be digested. Requiring multiple broken excaliburs to defeat ozpin and roman is an unstomachable, drop worthy sentence.
9/20/2020 c3 Guest
So, there are alot of minor problems, stuff like treating the diffrence between 16 and 17 like is 10 and 20 respectively, or the reason behind ea's untraceablilty being because its from the age of gods. (Which is ridiulous, rule breaker and durandal (durindana) are also from AoG and you used both). While im willing to believe will of the penniless swordsman turns the straight object into (the equivilent of) an e ranked noble phantasm as a low level effect of being a sword incarnation/effect of UBW, showing human level stats in servant format was a bad move, what do you mean he temporarily cannot see his noble phantasms?! I know you dont mean traced weapons, because then he couldnt trace them in the first place, but HE IS NOT A SERVANT AND DOES NOT HAVE NOBLE PHANTASMS. And dont even get me started on having percentage dodge chances on Eye of the mind, this isnt a videogame or quest mechanics, neither reality nor eye of the mind work that way, at rank D he has a level of combat and battlefield understanding beyond even servants who do not have EotM true/false/Instinct or a similar skill, this comprehension allowing him to make judgements and control outcomes to his favour, this is very very very diffrent from 25% dodge chance against someone of the same agility. And unless you are planning to roll dice every attack (please dont) then percent chances are only good for ruining SoD in a regular fic.
9/20/2020 c2 Guest
Calling a 16 year old a child isnt something a 17 or 18 year old would ever do.
Even if you consider that shirou never acted like a regular child, you throw around the term child far too much and in places that have nothing to do with shirous acting. At 16 most everyone has at least approached their final height, at 14 i was 5'11, and my final height is just over 6 feet. Jaunes 16 year old self is probably just shy of his 17 year old canon self, which is undeniably bigger than shirou.
9/18/2020 c3 maxmaximum
so you want Emiya to be strong or not. I mean jaunes father could give him problem when i am pretty sure that he wouldnt come close to it even with 27 (subpar) circuit shirou let alone 74 (exceptional)
8/16/2020 c9 hobbes319
that’s gonna come back to bite him, saying that he’s orphaned
7/6/2020 c2 kenroasher
fuck!, I knew it was going to be fucking jaune arc every last fanfic it's always fucking arc.
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