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for A Rose by any Other Name

6/28/2015 c4 50bronc
It's very interesting how you got the currency conversions! You went so indepth and wow that's cool. Nice that you did some actual research on it :)

This one is a little more... dull. It shows off Myrtle's personality quite well, a little better than the wand chapter, but it seems like a filler chapter.

Your grammar is quite a bit better, and I'm impressed at how it improved in a month.

Your Hornby is really well-done. She sounds like a real person; the way she talks, her mannerisms. Myrtle's personality is nice, too.

Overall, I'm quite excited to keep reading. Great job on this c:
6/26/2015 c3 bronc
Your dialogue is a little awkward, but since it's your first time I'm sure you'll work on it and it'll become more natural :)

Your dialogue grammar is a little off, though. You don't need to capitalize your dialogue tags (for example, "No," she said. doesn't need 'she' to be capitalized), and instead of a period (or nothing!) at the end of dialogue, put a comma.

This is quite interesting and fun to read :) The little dialogue between Mr. Ollivander and Myrtle is cute and funny. It's entertaining while always shows off a little bit of Myrtle's personality, her happiness before 'the bathroom'. Good job :)

-Also for the Caesar's Palace Reviewathon
6/26/2015 c1 bronc
I haven't actually seen much about Myrtle, which is a little ridiculous. I like character studies a lot, and what you've done here seems pretty fun to read :

I'm probably a terrible person for this, but this first thing I noticed was that in the first line, 'no-one' doesn't need the dash - 'no one' will suffice.

And the next thing I noticed was the fourth paragraph - it's a little awkward. I suppose that being stuck in puberty would be a little awful, but one of the worst things is how it /changes/ (i.e., one day you're sweet and as you grow up a little you are a pissy demon from hell) from day to day - can't Myrtle have gotten used to it a little? The line is very funny, though :)

Myrtles emotions are very real, something a real human could experience. Good job on that :)

Hey :) This review was for part of the Caesar's Palace Reviewathon event. If you're interested in checking us out, we're under general forums with tons of friendly people c:
6/26/2015 c1 45octocelot
I can tell this was written with your own feelings taken into account.

The "Myrtle verbs" starting every sentence, I think, was intended to be stirring. It falls a little flat here. Usually, repetition is a powerful technique, but it is my opinion that it should used sparingly and not for an entire piece. That's just my opinion though.

Poor Myrtle. I really feel for her at the last paragraph.

-Reviewed on behalf of the writing forum Caesar's Palace for their reviewathon
5/15/2015 c2 3ColorMeMonochrome
I'm curious what the J.E. stands for! Guess I'll have to wait for the mystery to be solved :)

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