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6/5/2015 c5 16angrbodagiantess
Oh, no, no, don't apologize for Loki's repetitive language, it works very well to convey his simplistic and damaged state of mind- and more so since Loki's typically so eloquent. But I'm getting ahead of myself here, I'll start from the beginning.

First off: WHY YOU SO CUTE LOKIIIII? He's so sad and pathetic and I just want to squeeze him! I mean, he actually starts to think that Natasha is *reading his mind*. He thinks that he might have THOUGHT something bad. Wow. He's really lost all sense of security, hasn't he? And then he's concerned for *Natasha* and would prefer that HE get into trouble instead of her. And he can't even remember proper words- OMG he is so cute! u I cannot. Just can't. I have lost the ability to can. (And you've reduced me to using social media-speak to adequately express myself. Yay.)

But, to get back to those repetitive thoughts of Loki. It's actually a great way to convey the emotional state of a character to simply *write out* exactly what's happening in their heads. I've found this works especially well with states of panic or forms of "insanity". It pulls readers right into their worlds and makes them feel what the character is feeling/thinking. Repetitive thinking has such a sharp contrast to the way a "healthy" mind works (hopefully, the reader's, lol) that it really drives home that "this person is not well in the head". You actually did it perfectly here, and without overdoing it. I especially like how he keeps thinking about broth, and that you literally ended the chapter with "He likes broth." So simple, yet it perfectly shows how his skewed thinking gravitates toward the simplest things, like food. I also liked (even though it's so sad) that he kept repeating that "Loki is dead". :'( The poor thing. It's actually kind of brilliant (evil-brilliant, of course) of Thanos to essentially "erase" Loki so he would basically be a new person. Scary. On that note, your usage of psychopathy/psychology is very well thought-out. I love that in a story.

Lastly, no hurries on "fixing" Loki! The long journey to recovery is always the crux of a story like this. I remember reading Syrgja by Lady Charity, and people would constantly ask (and here I won't mention what it is in case you haven't read it): "When is Loki going to start [doing that thing]?" And I finally just said in a review to her that I knew, with her being such an awesome author, that she was waiting for the perfect time to resolve it- and, thankfully, she did wait quite a while later, and it was perfection when it finally happened.

Since you wanted me to, here's some spelling errors I found, which weren't many: "Master" is spelled "Mater", and you said he's "pulling at him hair" which should be "his". That's all I found!

I look forward to more! (And wow this review got long. I am so long-winded. *smh* XD)
6/4/2015 c5 1pallyndrome
I really like this chapter. The repetitiveness isn't annoying, it makes sense. You write his point of view well. I look forward to more :)
6/4/2015 c5 9blueaqualily
I think the way you convey Loki's primitive, childlike state is stylistically brilliant. Another great chapter. The interaction between Natasha and Loki is so natural. I am predicting BlackFrost in the future.
6/4/2015 c5 Armand
I don't mind the repetitive language as not all the chapters are written from Loki's point of view and it is part of the story building process. Thanks for the update!
6/4/2015 c5 341Lokiismylife
I'm happy you updated, though it is a bit short.
6/4/2015 c5 11summerartist
Aww I'm glad Black Widow seems professional and yet very human here. *hugs* I really admire your ability to write even when you're not well. It's a trait I wish I had more of. Anyways, well done.
6/4/2015 c5 3ManyGamePlayer
Can't wait! This is so fascinating! ;)
6/2/2015 c4 341Lokiismylife
I really like this so far.
5/29/2015 c4 16ohmycroft
I love this! The only thing I want to see next is MORE! I really want to find out what exactly happened to Loki, and maybe even see him... Making friends? *grins in excitement* Please make that happen!
5/29/2015 c4 16angrbodagiantess
Well Odin is just clever, clever, isn't he? ;) Sounds like Loki has more of Odin in him than people would think. It's actually a pretty good plan, although, yes, it still really sucks for poor Loki. He's with a bunch of strangers who, for all anyone knows, would want to hurt him. I like that you kept with Frigga's words, that there's "always a purpose" to Odin's actions. TDW Odin almost seemed OOC to me, which is funny since it's canon. He didn't seem quite that callous in 'Thor' (if still not the best father). I don't mind evil!Odin fics, but I really love ones that nudge him in a more positive direction. I also want to say that you did a good job in keeping Thor very much IC. He still has the instinct to be rash and get angry, but you hold true to his more mature persona presented toward the end of 'Thor' and throughout TDW. Nice. Oh, and I love that last line. Frigga is awesome even when she's nowhere in sight, hehe.

As far as whose POV to see next, I'm sure whatever you come up with will be good! I guess I have no preference for the most part. I do want to say that while I get the impression that Thor won't be in much of the story, I'd love to see more of him at some point. Maybe just a short visit, or if he shows up toward the end for some reason. You write him very well and I'd love to see him interact with Loki. But in either case, I'm loving the story so far! ;D

Here are some mistakes/oddities I noticed:

You spelled "vaults" as "volts". "Heimdell" should be "Heimdall" (multiple times). This sentence is strange: "For a moment, Thor thinks his father will hit so dark does the anger fill his face." You used the word "bray" but the expression is "baying for blood". Braying sorta works, but I'm not sure if that's what you were going for. Braying is more of a loud shout (like the noise of a donkey) while baying is when people demand something loudly. Vanaheim is the home of the Vanir, not the elves (Alfar). Vanaheim is where Hogun comes from. I believe you meant Alfheim. And lastly, and it's small, but you forgot an apostrophe toward the end, where Thor says he's at "Asgards service".

Until next time! :D
5/28/2015 c4 9blueaqualily
Another great chapter! I would love to see Steve or Bruce's point of view next. Can't wait for the next chapter!
5/28/2015 c4 3ManyGamePlayer
This is an interesting story. I hope you continue soon! ;)
5/28/2015 c4 11summerartist
This is my favorite chapter so far. Thor was spot on and I could hear his voice exactly. It was just so Thor...fantastic! I like that he's completely in character with his compassion and his arguing methods.
5/28/2015 c3 summerartist
I really approve of your characterization of Steve Rogers here, and Natasha too. *nod nod*
5/27/2015 c4 1pallyndrome
Hmmm if you think Odin still flawed, you might have written him to be too good in this chapter lol - you've explained it all nicely as if Odin has done the right thing. But there better be a way to bring loki back to asgard sometime - Odin can't use the nobles as an excuse forever! But I like this chapter, and I hope to see more soon :)
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