for Harry Potter and The Junk11/16/2020 c1 Guest
It's a beautiful day out side birds are singing people like you should be living in hraven
It's a beautiful day out side birds are singing people like you should be living in hraven
12/7/2018 c2 KrisB-71854
He should have gone for simple vengeance. Mental compulsions to exercise and do a basic 10 mile morning run and a 10 mile evening run for all the Dursleys. He could even pat himself on the back that he wasn't harming them and was actually vastly helping their health.
I could understand not killing them off or anything. He was stuck there the first time around, he knows what it's like. He can improve things there. Just getting the Dursleys to leave the house and doing daily heavy duty exercises would have been fun vengeance for him.
He should have gone for simple vengeance. Mental compulsions to exercise and do a basic 10 mile morning run and a 10 mile evening run for all the Dursleys. He could even pat himself on the back that he wasn't harming them and was actually vastly helping their health.
I could understand not killing them off or anything. He was stuck there the first time around, he knows what it's like. He can improve things there. Just getting the Dursleys to leave the house and doing daily heavy duty exercises would have been fun vengeance for him.
6/5/2018 c3 NikolaTheSerb
Hahahahahahahahaha, Roberts a Croatian! I haven't heard anything funnier in my whole relatively long life :) :D
Croats are Slavs, and as such do not have Anglo-Saxon last names, nor first names at that. Now, if the man was, for example, called Ivan Mikulić, or Zvonimir Mažuranić, he'd be Croatian...
Hahahahahahahahaha, Roberts a Croatian! I haven't heard anything funnier in my whole relatively long life :) :D
Croats are Slavs, and as such do not have Anglo-Saxon last names, nor first names at that. Now, if the man was, for example, called Ivan Mikulić, or Zvonimir Mažuranić, he'd be Croatian...
8/30/2015 c1 
11reinforced hell
I'm definitely liking this so far, and I can honestly say that if it weren't for you telling me that English is you FOURTH language! I would not have known. You have brilliant imagery in your work, and it leads me to believe that this is a work of art.
I always admired those that could stomach the learning of another language, as I simply do not have the talent for other languages; not to mention I'm too set in the ways of my current language. I wish you luck in the learning of a fifth or a possible sixth.
If I ever require a translator, I know who to contact, eh? ;)
As for the Grammar, personally I haven't found anything story-breaking or fundamentally wrong. However, if you wish I could probably find some Grammar packets from when I was in highschool that helped me understand the rules for the English language. Send me a PM if you want me to do that for you and we can go from there. I don't know if I might send the titles of the worksheets and you can find them, or if I'll send them, either way it would take time to actually FIND them. Weather you take the offer or not does not bother me any, but I would be interested to hear your answer.
Though like I said earlier I have not found anything Grammatically incorrect so far from my read through (of not actively looking for errors), but only time will tell.
11reinforced hellI'm definitely liking this so far, and I can honestly say that if it weren't for you telling me that English is you FOURTH language! I would not have known. You have brilliant imagery in your work, and it leads me to believe that this is a work of art.
I always admired those that could stomach the learning of another language, as I simply do not have the talent for other languages; not to mention I'm too set in the ways of my current language. I wish you luck in the learning of a fifth or a possible sixth.
If I ever require a translator, I know who to contact, eh? ;)
As for the Grammar, personally I haven't found anything story-breaking or fundamentally wrong. However, if you wish I could probably find some Grammar packets from when I was in highschool that helped me understand the rules for the English language. Send me a PM if you want me to do that for you and we can go from there. I don't know if I might send the titles of the worksheets and you can find them, or if I'll send them, either way it would take time to actually FIND them. Weather you take the offer or not does not bother me any, but I would be interested to hear your answer.
Though like I said earlier I have not found anything Grammatically incorrect so far from my read through (of not actively looking for errors), but only time will tell.
8/10/2015 c3 3NikkiF91
Yeah. I stop to read right now. Do figure ov what's wrong with those sentences yourself.. gosh this is exhausting.
"There must be other magical stations and trains"
"There Had to be/there should be"
"What kind of cost would it need"
What the fuck?
"Light was easily had with"
I couldn't read further. Not once have I felt so much pity for Severus Snape at having to teach thunderheas. Now I do.
Despite that: good luck with "learning" more languages
3NikkiF91Yeah. I stop to read right now. Do figure ov what's wrong with those sentences yourself.. gosh this is exhausting.
"There must be other magical stations and trains"
"There Had to be/there should be"
"What kind of cost would it need"
What the fuck?
"Light was easily had with"
I couldn't read further. Not once have I felt so much pity for Severus Snape at having to teach thunderheas. Now I do.
Despite that: good luck with "learning" more languages
8/10/2015 c2 NikkiF91
Here we go. You seem to have learnd the word believe wrong. It's BELIEVE not "beleifs".
Here a few wrong sentences (-and how they should be written):
"To gasp any new thing"- "to gasp new things/concepts/spells"
"Another discovery in Harry's time was his meeting with Aliens"- "in Harry's life/ harry even met with and discovered the existence of aliens/ during his life he discovered..."
"Through his advent in Magical particle physics"-"because of his studies in Magical Physics/ though his reasearche/ through his ADVENTURE"
"Of course he would be scoffed if he were to vent his discovery" you do have trouble with the fact that some words can't be used in a certain context. To vent- is used with emotions! To vent anger, for example. What you meant(at least it's what I think you meant) is "to publish/to share/ to demonstrate or explain" and to be scoffed doesn't belong here. It's "hunted/harassed/disliked/shunned" what you should have used.
"Through this very group of Magans" I can't even begin to guess what the fuck you meant with that. Aren't per your discription Mangans special/powerful people? What has a group of them to do with travel?
"This same universe"-"in this universe/from this universe"
"Besides that, he really wanted to right the wrong that Hogwarts had made him into" WRONG! To right the wrong is meant for situations. And that means you could write " he wanted to right the wrong Hogwarts caused/to right the wrong caused by a staunched education" and certainly not 'had made him into'!
Something was turned into, some had been turned into, forced into, made out to be.. had made someone into works. Just NOT in this context! He is powerful now. He knows things now. They just were unable to teach. They hindered him and surpressed his potential- according to your description.
Be careful you contradict yourself rather often! Keep in mind what you want to say, what you wrote to explain three sentences ago and don't forget details.
And please, please find someone to talk or chat with in english. A dictionary, especially google, is not nearly all you need to learn a language. Use in context is learned through use!
"Reteiving all funds" retrieve, what you probably meant does not fit the context
"Besides that, he was ready for"-doesn't fit with the context about the junk being sent/stashed elsewhere.
"Damaga"-"damage"
"In a few hours"- "a few hours later"
"Time was nearing dawn"-"it was nearing dawn"
"And a some equally, perhaps more, damnable old wizard" what ever the hell that's supposed to mean
"Buy the Unifrom later" the first excuseable, amusing mistake. It's uniform.
Here we go. You seem to have learnd the word believe wrong. It's BELIEVE not "beleifs".
Here a few wrong sentences (-and how they should be written):
"To gasp any new thing"- "to gasp new things/concepts/spells"
"Another discovery in Harry's time was his meeting with Aliens"- "in Harry's life/ harry even met with and discovered the existence of aliens/ during his life he discovered..."
"Through his advent in Magical particle physics"-"because of his studies in Magical Physics/ though his reasearche/ through his ADVENTURE"
"Of course he would be scoffed if he were to vent his discovery" you do have trouble with the fact that some words can't be used in a certain context. To vent- is used with emotions! To vent anger, for example. What you meant(at least it's what I think you meant) is "to publish/to share/ to demonstrate or explain" and to be scoffed doesn't belong here. It's "hunted/harassed/disliked/shunned" what you should have used.
"Through this very group of Magans" I can't even begin to guess what the fuck you meant with that. Aren't per your discription Mangans special/powerful people? What has a group of them to do with travel?
"This same universe"-"in this universe/from this universe"
"Besides that, he really wanted to right the wrong that Hogwarts had made him into" WRONG! To right the wrong is meant for situations. And that means you could write " he wanted to right the wrong Hogwarts caused/to right the wrong caused by a staunched education" and certainly not 'had made him into'!
Something was turned into, some had been turned into, forced into, made out to be.. had made someone into works. Just NOT in this context! He is powerful now. He knows things now. They just were unable to teach. They hindered him and surpressed his potential- according to your description.
Be careful you contradict yourself rather often! Keep in mind what you want to say, what you wrote to explain three sentences ago and don't forget details.
And please, please find someone to talk or chat with in english. A dictionary, especially google, is not nearly all you need to learn a language. Use in context is learned through use!
"Reteiving all funds" retrieve, what you probably meant does not fit the context
"Besides that, he was ready for"-doesn't fit with the context about the junk being sent/stashed elsewhere.
"Damaga"-"damage"
"In a few hours"- "a few hours later"
"Time was nearing dawn"-"it was nearing dawn"
"And a some equally, perhaps more, damnable old wizard" what ever the hell that's supposed to mean
"Buy the Unifrom later" the first excuseable, amusing mistake. It's uniform.
8/10/2015 c1 NikkiF91
Hey!
This is not meant as negative review but a constructive one. Even though I find the "review as negative as you can" kind of bothersome. Maybe, befor you start learning more languages a more in depht study of those you already know would be prudent? I personally learn better when I have someone that speaks it as native/first language. Like through chats.
Whatevd
Hey!
This is not meant as negative review but a constructive one. Even though I find the "review as negative as you can" kind of bothersome. Maybe, befor you start learning more languages a more in depht study of those you already know would be prudent? I personally learn better when I have someone that speaks it as native/first language. Like through chats.
Whatevd
7/4/2015 c8 ak
bizarre et amusant!
bizarre et amusant!
6/27/2015 c1 Guest
I really like the premise of your story, and I don't have any problem at all with you inventing terms like Magons and Chronons. Obviously whoever the jerk was who criticized you for that also by their own definition must consider a vast majority of all sci-fi and fantasy literature to be crap, including but not limited to stories by authors like Heinlein, Asimov, Bear, Card and on and on. That kind of says it all about him or her I think. However...I can't possibly believe that English is your first language because your grammar, punctuation, capitalization, and sentence construction (or the lack thereof), is absolutely appalling and makes what is a good premise nearly impossible to read. I would be glad to proofread this for you if you like because it is a good idea and deserves more recognition than it is going to get in the condition it's in now. I can't get past the errors to enjoy the story, so I'm dropping out after barely making it through the first chapter.
I really like the premise of your story, and I don't have any problem at all with you inventing terms like Magons and Chronons. Obviously whoever the jerk was who criticized you for that also by their own definition must consider a vast majority of all sci-fi and fantasy literature to be crap, including but not limited to stories by authors like Heinlein, Asimov, Bear, Card and on and on. That kind of says it all about him or her I think. However...I can't possibly believe that English is your first language because your grammar, punctuation, capitalization, and sentence construction (or the lack thereof), is absolutely appalling and makes what is a good premise nearly impossible to read. I would be glad to proofread this for you if you like because it is a good idea and deserves more recognition than it is going to get in the condition it's in now. I can't get past the errors to enjoy the story, so I'm dropping out after barely making it through the first chapter.
6/28/2015 c8 6Hathowda Jun
I'm sorry to say that the practicals, the rote learning, the enforced dress code when the norm is already decent...These are all really done in my school. Generations of students in my area have been taught thus. This is one of the severest blows education receives in my area. Grammar is worse, true knowledge is as rare as diamonds. That is the thing that actually inspired me to write... Thank you, once again, for reading the fanfic.
6Hathowda JunI'm sorry to say that the practicals, the rote learning, the enforced dress code when the norm is already decent...These are all really done in my school. Generations of students in my area have been taught thus. This is one of the severest blows education receives in my area. Grammar is worse, true knowledge is as rare as diamonds. That is the thing that actually inspired me to write... Thank you, once again, for reading the fanfic.
6/27/2015 c8 10oniforever
Honestly this story made me laugh so hard. It was brilliant! I'm so glad you wrote this story, it really was a fun read! And the plot twist with the council was so funny!
10oniforeverHonestly this story made me laugh so hard. It was brilliant! I'm so glad you wrote this story, it really was a fun read! And the plot twist with the council was so funny!
6/23/2015 c1 Celticknight
In any fiction where the author has to invent more then 1% of used words, the fiction is shit.
This is no different.
The first chapter is bloody hard to read, with Magons, and brain centers and alien runes and ... Like seriously what the actual fuck?
Naah skipping this one, Poorly thought out, poorly written, one to avoid.
In any fiction where the author has to invent more then 1% of used words, the fiction is shit.
This is no different.
The first chapter is bloody hard to read, with Magons, and brain centers and alien runes and ... Like seriously what the actual fuck?
Naah skipping this one, Poorly thought out, poorly written, one to avoid.
6/17/2015 c4 1daithi4377
I bit hopscotched here and there but an interesting chapter . Will miss Dobby though he was such a cute elf with his hyper hero worship. Lol fish food for the Dementors that's a new one!
1daithi4377I bit hopscotched here and there but an interesting chapter . Will miss Dobby though he was such a cute elf with his hyper hero worship. Lol fish food for the Dementors that's a new one!
6/15/2015 c3 daithi4377
Lol Harry has rather a sarcastic bent to him and with him not even trying to blend in GE us really screwing with the teachers...quite funny actually. Interesting that Dumbledore noticed the missing cloak but not the wand?
Lol Harry has rather a sarcastic bent to him and with him not even trying to blend in GE us really screwing with the teachers...quite funny actually. Interesting that Dumbledore noticed the missing cloak but not the wand?