for Raised by Sirius6/8/2020 c25 Guest
I Love It! Can't Wait for Next Chapter!
I Love It! Can't Wait for Next Chapter!
8/26/2015 c22 Guest
Ok so if you already started school I understand why you are not updating but... If you do NOT start school yet you NEED to speed up the your work
Not trying to be mean or anything I just saying
Ok so if you already started school I understand why you are not updating but... If you do NOT start school yet you NEED to speed up the your work
Not trying to be mean or anything I just saying
8/6/2015 c21 Guest
Love how you update so fast even if the chapters are short
Love how you update so fast even if the chapters are short
7/26/2015 c18 Guest
Plz update soon fanfic is my life
Love the story so far keep up the good work
Plz update soon fanfic is my life
Love the story so far keep up the good work
7/24/2015 c15 Guest
Thought bill was the oldest
Thought bill was the oldest
7/24/2015 c17 Guest
What is with all the signs and stuff ? Ya know the signs and stuff
What is with all the signs and stuff ? Ya know the signs and stuff
7/23/2015 c16 Currahee506
Damn poor narcissa more please
Damn poor narcissa more please
6/29/2015 c9 Meegles
Hi, I love the idea behind your story, it's interesting and you write the characters rather well.. I agree with some other comments though, about spacing and spelling.. Getting a Beta would be a great help.. I'm looking forward to reading more.. Well done..
Hi, I love the idea behind your story, it's interesting and you write the characters rather well.. I agree with some other comments though, about spacing and spelling.. Getting a Beta would be a great help.. I'm looking forward to reading more.. Well done..
6/28/2015 c5 
50bronc
Your grammar is a lot better here! That's so great!
I recommend, when you write Harry dialogue, that you read it out loud first - see if it sounds right. What he's actually meaning doesn't sound off, but when you try to make it sound like baby talk, it doesn't sound right at all.
The last line is so sweet :)
I think one of the best things about this fic is Harry, Petunia, and Vernon's characterization. I'd like to see more of the latter two. They could/should be an integral part of this story but it doesn't seem like they've shown up enough.
Great job on this chapter. It's a good one :)
50broncYour grammar is a lot better here! That's so great!
I recommend, when you write Harry dialogue, that you read it out loud first - see if it sounds right. What he's actually meaning doesn't sound off, but when you try to make it sound like baby talk, it doesn't sound right at all.
The last line is so sweet :)
I think one of the best things about this fic is Harry, Petunia, and Vernon's characterization. I'd like to see more of the latter two. They could/should be an integral part of this story but it doesn't seem like they've shown up enough.
Great job on this chapter. It's a good one :)
6/28/2015 c4 bronc
It's funny and really telling how Harry calls Sirius Batman. Harry's descriptions are very childlike and nice. Your characterization of a young Harry is /really/ good. Good job.
One of the issues with this is Harry's speech - you said he was a toddler, and the toddlers I know have more refined speech. It's only common to insert a 'w' where an L would otherwise be for younger children in speech.
But your descriptions are good, Harry's confusion is good...you still need to improve on your grammar dialogue (new paragraph every speaker!), but you are steadily improving. Great job!
It's funny and really telling how Harry calls Sirius Batman. Harry's descriptions are very childlike and nice. Your characterization of a young Harry is /really/ good. Good job.
One of the issues with this is Harry's speech - you said he was a toddler, and the toddlers I know have more refined speech. It's only common to insert a 'w' where an L would otherwise be for younger children in speech.
But your descriptions are good, Harry's confusion is good...you still need to improve on your grammar dialogue (new paragraph every speaker!), but you are steadily improving. Great job!
6/24/2015 c4 Alexis
It's an interesting story and a good idea, but a few things you might want to work on:
- spelling and grammar
- paragraph spacing
- the overall pacing of the story. It's moving very quickly right now, which isn't a problem, but going at a slower pace often builds suspense and allows more room for description and plot details.
Something that can really help new writers (and old ones!) improve the quality of their work is to have a beta, so I would look into that as well.
Best of luck! :)
It's an interesting story and a good idea, but a few things you might want to work on:
- spelling and grammar
- paragraph spacing
- the overall pacing of the story. It's moving very quickly right now, which isn't a problem, but going at a slower pace often builds suspense and allows more room for description and plot details.
Something that can really help new writers (and old ones!) improve the quality of their work is to have a beta, so I would look into that as well.
Best of luck! :)