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2/6 c2 Faery66
Hope to read more soon.

=D
11/23/2020 c2 Wishfull-star
This story is breathtaking and I hope that you continue it one day stay safe:)
9/18/2020 c2 7NightBringer325
I know this hasn't been updated in a long time but now that Dragon is here would be the perfect time for the HP idiots to kidnap a pregnant Cheshire although you have marked this as her deaging to whatever year she will be returning to so I'm not sure how well that will work unless your setting up a miscarriage situation to absolutely piss her off at the wizards cause if that's the case I will have to admit it's a little dark for you.
10/27/2019 c2 alicia7788
UPDATE PLEASE
12/26/2018 c2 11sondowth
Please update
7/14/2018 c1 Guest
This is some gay nigger shit. Glad you stopped.
12/31/2017 c2 Guest
what cmon whyyyy?
12/5/2017 c2 Carol542
Please continue and update soon this story I really really like it
12/5/2017 c1 Carol542
Love it
7/22/2017 c2 Guest
come back and finish this PLEASE! D:
4/19/2017 c2 7TurboDragonQueen
Please update!
4/8/2017 c1 340fringeperson
Please take this as constructive criticism, not flaming. I clicked on the link to read this story because the summary presented as an interesting premise. I think the story has potential. I have also, however, been reading a book about Mary-Sues. I've noticed a few of the symptoms here and... well, you did ask what your readers thought.

She's a metamorphmagus on top of what she had already canonically (magic, pastletongue). Okay, I can buy that. You're not the first, you won't be the last, there's even a case for it because it was mentioned that Harry did re-grow his hair overnight after Petunia shaved it off (book 1).

A specifically shaped birth mark that apparently runs in the Evans family. A recognisable shape, even. Okay, you say you borrowed that from somewhere else and you seem to have a reason for it. It's stretching my willingness to accept a bit, but okay.

Her new name doesn't fit the context of her new family (Makino, Hikaru, Tatsuki...if Eclair named her other three kids, why would she name the new baby something so different? If her husband named their children, and Eclair just gets to finally pick a name, surely she'd pick one either like her kids' names, or like hers? Cheshire Nemesis doesn't fit).

She's picked up a pet previously believed to be extinct with NO explanation for how it's alive. Seven paragraphs later, said remarkable pet - which can apparently grow to be the size of a Sea King - vanishes. No mention of town-wide panic as she walks home with it, no moments of pet maintenance, no fear from the customers who come into Partys and see the little girl curled up in the corner playing with the dangerous snake, just "okay, she can talk to it, I guess it can stay then". No mention of it being five foot long already (which is big, okay!?), and no concern about what's going to happen as it gets bigger. I'm a reptile-lover. I have spent hours going over what legal hoops I would have to jump through to own a pet snake of any kind, as well as what needs the snake itself would have. This rankles. A lot. A really, really lot.

Wild and adventurous and a tomboy, to the irritation of her mother, who does *nothing* to curb the behavior she disapproves of - and later, just shakes her head and smiles at her adopted daughter playing poker with bandits. Always getting into mischief and trouble with her pranks, but apparently no consequences, as the word 'trouble' implies, which would teach her *not* to behave that way. A disapproving parent is a disciplining parent. I am not seeing this happening.

An 'expert' at poker, an adult's game that no adult would let her play - bandits wouldn't indulge a kid, upstanding citizens wouldn't want to corrupt a kid, and a good parent wouldn't stand by and watch as their kid risked their pocket money - at an age when she'd definitely have no poker face. I don't care if you're calling her a prodigy at it. Nami's obsession with money had a basis in her circumstances. Allen's skill with poker was something he learned when there was no parent around to drag him away, and he learned fast by necessity. He also cheated very well and very carefully, and did not have the happy childhood that Cheshire has been given - even at a young age, he'd have had much more *reason* to develop a poker face, even before he played his first poker game.

Martial arts training at seven I can buy, and somewhat skilled by nine... well, that does depend how much effort the kid puts into it, but that is, at least, a believable time frame to start learning and be recognised as 'skilled' - though definitely not as 'really skilled' or 'mastered', so I'm glad you didn't go that far, at least. A master from South Blue is a little bit unbelievable though... Also, if her mother disapproves of her tomboy ways, I can't see her approving (or paying for) lessons in martial arts.

And a devil fruit. Growing in the mango trees. That turns her into a dragon. Which she managed to deliberately make work in the time between falling from a tree branch and hitting the ground. And not just any dragon, but into Toothless.

Also, you said you tried to make her like Luffy, by having her do dangerous things like climbing high into trees and befriending the dangerous giant snake. What you actually did was make her self-centered and irresponsible. Luffy as a kid was a bit brave, a bit stupid, and hadn't quite grasped all the consequences of his actions yet - but boy did he ever when he was faced with them. And he was.

Cheshire's actions seem to have no consequences. It is Makino, not Cheshire, who is stated as the one who would get into trouble for Cheshire's climbing. Makino, who she loves, and should therefore want to *not* get in trouble. And (as previously stated) the snake is a case of "oh, well, if she can talk to it, then that's okay", and we don't see it again for the rest of the chapter.

Also, it's interesting that the two were described as 'inseparable', but Makino wasn't there to talk Cheshire out of bringing home a five foot long, deadly, supposedly extinct, snake.

Even if she turns out to *not* be a Mary-Sue, just reading this chapter makes me feel like you're trying too hard to make a character extra-special and extra-interesting, when just the premise of "the story of Luffy's mother" would be interesting enough all on its own. That she's also Fem!Harry and going to be called back to Hogwarts makes it potentially Really Interesting and Really Run.

That you felt the need to add on all the extra-extra bits... I'm put off the whole story by that already, so I'm never going to find out if you *do* flesh her out into a proper character. Actually, I was put off by the extras and un-believable-ness by the point where you made her an expert poker player at seven. I really had to force myself to read the rest of the chapter, and that just so I could give you a properly analytical review. Because you did ask.

And because, apart from the Mary-Sue-ness of Cheshire, you seem to be a good writer. Spelling, grammar, plot premise, all good. But Mary-Sue-ness in a character can (and will) ruin a whole story.

I wish you the best of luck.
10/15/2016 c2 salsas100
That was interesting.
6/13/2016 c2 StrongGuy159
Cool 2 chapters continue please.
5/26/2016 c2 1Alexzandria747
Love this hope you update it really good and interesting
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