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for Cast Out of Heaven

7/8/2017 c4 3FicfansEverywhere
7/6/2016 c4 Guest
This is good hope you continue
3/22/2016 c4 Sdb5ss
Your writing style is amazing. I like how the story is turning out. It has the potential to turn into something epic. Keep updating. I want to see Hurricane!
8/1/2015 c2 13Shinigami of the Elder Gods
Goodness I really love this story! Your attention to detail is really amazing! At the same time your talking about the familiarity of the evil eyes to Pit, part of me is really hoping this'll turn into a Dark Pit, err... Dark! Pit story. I really love those and wish there would be more. Nevertheless, its your call not mine. Really looking forward to the next chapter, and great job! Cheers!
7/12/2015 c2 14Imperator Justinian
Well, pacing does indeed to seem to be a major flaw of this so far. In terms of the chapter itself, it was far better than the lest. It's ending was a bit abrupt, but better than the previous because at least it offers suspense and can pick up from where Dark Pit left off. However, the pacing of the plot, the enemy in particular, seems to be astronomical.

We don't even know the name of this foe, and only have a vague understanding of his goals, and already he has an army and magical powers that can completely and effortlessly overwhelm even the armies of the most powerful Gods, and has already captured almost all of them. Had it just been one or two to establish it as a credible threat and give an inclination towards it's goals, that would be fine, but it comes off as a bit of a Gary Stu because they already have completely isolated Palutena and Viridi, and not even Pit is able to do anything.

I would have at least expected Dyntos to survive, because, as Palutena remarked, he has the capabilities to copy and mass produce anything, meaning he has the capabilities to have an unbeatable army and could have easily repelled the invaders.

So, while I do enjoy all the effort you're putting into character, not to mention your writing skills, the plot and story in general is simply moving far too fast; there's no buildup for the villain because it's already been established even his minions are undefeatable by even the most powerful entities in the world, and there has been no theoretical discussion/suggestion on how to counter/defeat them.

I like what I've read of the story so far, but the pacing is making it difficult to do so seriously.
7/10/2015 c2 Guest
This is beautiful! I love this!
7/8/2015 c1 Guest
This is an very interesting story plot! I can't wait for more!
7/8/2015 c1 Imperator Justinian
Interesting; you have a very strong start and I like your writing style, though Viridi's sudden appearance felt a bit too abrupt to me. Now, though I am curious as to who this new foe is (seems to be a common theme in all Kid Icarus sequel stories), this chapter did feel a bit incomplete. I suppose it's the pacing that got me; I'm not really certain how I feel about two overtures (or, more aptly; this would be the prelude to the overture, which makes it a bit redundant).

Personally, I think the first half of this chapter would have served better as being a prologue since it sets up the events of the previous game nicely, and then the second half of this chapter could have been made into one of it's own or combined with the next. In short, it feels a bit incomplete and too abrupt.

However, you've done an excellent job with description and characterization, even if I feel that it can be a bit uneven at some parts (a bit too gratuitous sometimes, such as the fair, whereas too sparse in over parts, such as the lead up to, and the battle itself, the cloud) and I enjoyed reading through this. I've never been to keen on Pit x Palutena, theirs always came across more as a Mother-Son relationship, but you've still stuck true to their characters and that's something I can appreciate.

I'll be keeping an eye on this.

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