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for Fox Lord Naruto

10/10/2019 c7 21Spidey2
Love this! Keep going!
1/13/2018 c7 1inuyasha16451
Omg. Please update this awesome story soon.
9/25/2016 c7 4Jacklvmage12
Ho boy, where to begin? Well here goes nothing.

This story, while masterfully executed, could be better. There are some flaws here and there that I feel no need to point out seeing as how nobodies perfect. The chapters are a little short in my opinion. While I read I felt like it was only a page on Microsoft word. Perhaps slightly longer chapters? It also seemed a bit wordy. While I cannot judge that much seeing as how I have quite a bit of dialogue in my own I feel that there isnt enough action in this story. All I have seen so far is some smut, the story line if Naruto was a god and some cheesy romance sprinkled in for effect. I think you could perhaps inhace the experience with some fights that are non-cannon to the anime and make the enemies a true challenge for Naruto and Hope combined. Show some teamwork between them. Naruto could have easily done an S-rank on his forst year of training. Hell, he could easily defeat the entire elemental nations if he wanted to. He is to strong for his own good. I do not hate the aspect of what you have done, quite the contrary. I love how people come up with different renditions of him and the Kyuubi inside of him.

Now for some positive feedback.

While I bashed the chapter length a bit, its not that bad. I must admit that it is certainly enthralling to read. The description of Hope is beautiful and could even be seen as real. I do truely hope this continues. It has potential. To much to waste. Try to come back to it, ok? If you want help then just come to me at anytime.
5/16/2016 c1 Banjo the Fox
Short and in need of better structure, but interesting looking plot.
5/8/2016 c6 1NARUTO11
That was so cool I hope that this story keep going as good as it is. Your work is very excellent I think it would be great if naruto was with both hope and Hinata. I loved how you mad Naruto able to see the future like he did giving him a warning but not being able to know completely what it's about. Well still be able to try and prevent it.
4/2/2016 c1 1Naruto Uchiha Lucifer
You do know that kyuubi is not a demon
3/27/2016 c3 hardiman9229
I am sorry i dont normally flame people but for this chaper you deserve it, i mean what kind of bloody idiot are you to write a sex scene between naruto and hope yet not have him know what she looks like the next morning, assuming you didnt write bestiality and have him fuck her whilst she is in fox form, seriously your writing is disconjointed.
3/24/2016 c5 1NARUTO11
This is very good update real soon.
3/20/2016 c5 Guest
Please update soon ok it's getting really interesting.
3/19/2016 c5 1thegodofanime
Not vad and i am gald u took my idea about haku
3/19/2016 c1 Tsukoblue
Will this be a harem story or just Naruto/femKyuubi?
2/20/2016 c5 redwolf23456
Great story so far
2/20/2016 c5 4ShadowImageComics
Still a good job, but you need to go thru and break every thing down some for easier read. When someone talks and then how they spoke is one paragraph. But still, it was a good read. Keep up with the good work.
9/8/2015 c2 2jormander2012
Ok no offence to your story and I mean everything I say in the nicest way possible. I can't get into it. The first chapter just killed me on it I read all these on my touch screen phone and it was a small flick on the first chapter from top to bottom and while the second chapter was better the taste of the first just kind of killed me on it. I'd really look into revising your first chapter and adding a lot more detail to it. I get that that was kind of like your pilot episode for your show but think about it like this your sitting at home and a new anime comes on but the first episode sucked major my and just kind of rambled and made no heads or tails of itself would you keep watching or stop? I'm not much to say anything bc I'm not a writer my brother was and this is his account bc I was to lazy to make another but I am an avid reader on here and so far this just died before it started on me and I'm afraid most readers will feel the same way. I'm not trying to diss your story at all I'm just saying you got a good idea but your intro is just to quickened to catch anyone's eye. That and I know it's an anime but even in those terms it's a bit unrealistic. I'd look for a beta and a co writer if anything one to fix grammar issues aka the beta and one that does the filling in parts if u have problems with them I'd offer to help but I don't check my stuff often enough but if u give me a bit I might be able to type a prototype of a first chapter that might work just so u can get some ideas maybe I no this is probably sounding really rude but your story has potential but with the starter chapter like that I feel it's going to flop badly let me know if you would like to see that prototype chapter and I'll try to get it to u asap if u do
9/8/2015 c1 jormander2012
Ok 1 u have a good base to go off of but the chapters rather small. I'd make each chapter a bit longer like maybe 2k per chapter to start with and as the story progresses add a little more. Most stories that people tend to like a lot range from 5-10k words a chapter because it's kind of like the more words there are the more people will look at it. I know that I personally, when looking for new fix a to read look at chapters and then total words so if there's 60 chapters but barely breaking 100k total words I no it's not going to keep my interest same with the opposite though if there's 10 chapters and already 400k words the chapter will take to long and again I'd loose interest. Just a heads up and a reminder that yes it seems like a good idea to try to get a chapter out a day it's unrealistic. Take your time and work at it, don't overflow it with Uneaded filler stuff but don't just go from one point to the next because then it's less a story and more of a PowerPoint. 2nd I'd look harder on your punctuation and grammar, and this is the pot calling the kettle black I know, but if your sentances, like at the beginning of this chapter don't have breaks in between them or periods at the end it will confuse some of the younger readers and they'll stop reading as well as the, no offence, less literate people out there. For now that's all I got ill look over the other chapters but like I said I'd slow down on it. To be honest here if it was me I'd redo it, no offence. The reason why I say that is that if you tried to fix the bugs now than your reader base is going to be messed up because if the first three chapters don't entrap me I stop reading and I have the feeling the format is going to be the same on the other chapters as well. Keep the name and the idea and just kind of amp it a bit. Now about the chapter itself best place to put a bit more into it would be kyuubi talking to naruto. Basically naruto just found out he had a demon inside him he's being beaten abd he don't know where he is but all he's going to say is ok but can you help me train? Best advice I can give you is put yourself in the situations you Wright about. At 6 year's old wouldn't you be a bit more freaked out if that happened to you. Also the kyuubi was all like I can't do anything without turning you into a demon at 6 year's old any kid is going to be like no demons are bad. I'd just add in a bit more detail is all. Instead of kyuubi said that and he says ok try something like kyuubi explaining in childlike terms what and how that would happen and then naruto freaks out a bit about how demons are bad and all that remember they're in the mind scape so time can work differently there if u the writer want it to. Again though just ideas it's your story
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