for The Human In Me (REWRITE POSTED 01-02-24)11/8/2015 c22 Liliannalove123
Wow,
This was really cute!
I love how the whole family gathered up like that.
Are we going to hear more about Alice's past, or is that not part of your story?
Where are Edward and Bella's relationship right now?
Lots of Love and Luck,
Liliannalove123
Wow,
This was really cute!
I love how the whole family gathered up like that.
Are we going to hear more about Alice's past, or is that not part of your story?
Where are Edward and Bella's relationship right now?
Lots of Love and Luck,
Liliannalove123
11/6/2015 c1 
4angelari7
I gave this a chance cause I was bored and so this on one of my reviewers favorite list, so decided to give this a chance.
My strength is not in seeing grammatically correct words or such but I do read a lot. Here in fanfiction what I noticed the most was that people are never fully truthful they either cajole a writer or hide behind guests and be harsh.
So I decided to be truthful and say from the first sentence you lost me. 'Running, Running' I understand what you want to say but you can do better and word this in a different way like 'I kept running, fast, without thinking I kept going' or something different. I'm not saying my wording is better but I felt that yours didn't look good for me.
The second one is frequent use of I, after few times my attention was finding where you have used that word.
The next thing is use of word 'that' try deleting it and saying the sentence again, if it doesn't change the context try to use it less frequently.
I can go on forever but for now let's leave with this. Hope you are not angry or disheartened, my sole purpose was to let you know what I saw and to see you improved. Best of luck!
Aria.
4angelari7I gave this a chance cause I was bored and so this on one of my reviewers favorite list, so decided to give this a chance.
My strength is not in seeing grammatically correct words or such but I do read a lot. Here in fanfiction what I noticed the most was that people are never fully truthful they either cajole a writer or hide behind guests and be harsh.
So I decided to be truthful and say from the first sentence you lost me. 'Running, Running' I understand what you want to say but you can do better and word this in a different way like 'I kept running, fast, without thinking I kept going' or something different. I'm not saying my wording is better but I felt that yours didn't look good for me.
The second one is frequent use of I, after few times my attention was finding where you have used that word.
The next thing is use of word 'that' try deleting it and saying the sentence again, if it doesn't change the context try to use it less frequently.
I can go on forever but for now let's leave with this. Hope you are not angry or disheartened, my sole purpose was to let you know what I saw and to see you improved. Best of luck!
Aria.
10/5/2015 c20 Guest
Just wondering why they are running if she is now a vampire? With it being so many of them against only James and Victoria why would they run. I look forward to finding out. Also wondering why she doesn't change back to vampire when with Edward then he wouldn't have to be careful around her. It just seems they would have more fun being equal. Being able to run, hunt, and the other advantages they can have.
Just wondering why they are running if she is now a vampire? With it being so many of them against only James and Victoria why would they run. I look forward to finding out. Also wondering why she doesn't change back to vampire when with Edward then he wouldn't have to be careful around her. It just seems they would have more fun being equal. Being able to run, hunt, and the other advantages they can have.
10/6/2015 c21 ffictionreader01
Even with the mistakes, I preferred your story that didn't mirror the book/film too much. I've just skimmed over large passages that are the same as the originals, so I feel a bit let down.
Even with the mistakes, I preferred your story that didn't mirror the book/film too much. I've just skimmed over large passages that are the same as the originals, so I feel a bit let down.
10/5/2015 c21 2TrillionSchiffer
I would've liked to hsve made my own opinion before u told me it wasnt the best. But there were some points to question, nut since bella gets automatic ansers that pretty much solved that. U really got to go in depth with how her power Em works if Victoria is going t come up next.
2TrillionSchifferI would've liked to hsve made my own opinion before u told me it wasnt the best. But there were some points to question, nut since bella gets automatic ansers that pretty much solved that. U really got to go in depth with how her power Em works if Victoria is going t come up next.
10/5/2015 c21 Yali.Page
Welcome back!
I hope the video will give us answers about what happened to Bella when she "saw red"...
Welcome back!
I hope the video will give us answers about what happened to Bella when she "saw red"...
10/5/2015 c20 eness
I don't really understand. Why couldn't she have just changed to a vampire when Alice had her vision?
I don't really understand. Why couldn't she have just changed to a vampire when Alice had her vision?