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for Eponine Thenardier and the Revolutionary's Stone

9/16/2016 c1 12Gracie Miserables
I love the story. I will love to see Gavin get trapped in the snake exhibit. You did an awesome job setting the scene. I can't wait for the next chapter. You did an very, very awesome job on this story.
9/25/2015 c1 MiserableRenthead
Les Mis and Harry Potter perfect!...update soon!
9/22/2015 c1 Guest
Please continue!
7/23/2015 c1 13Bleu Tsuki
This story made me laugh. On first impressions, I'd say this is your best fanfic yet. On second impression, did you reread parts of Harry Potter before writing this? It adheres to canon pretty well with the obvious substitutions. Good job!

My best advice I can give to you would be to plan some action. Make a story arc and plot how people act and react. Otherwise people get bored in the well-written description and intro and hit the back arrow and go fic hunting for another story. I liked the writing and voice though. You'd get an A in school but very little fanfiction traffic.
7/22/2015 c1 10Syncogon
Alrighty! Let's see how this goes. Mobile and unproofread, so bear with me.

If the red of the house is fading, then why are the garage doors/windows bright and newly painted? I do like the descriptions you used for that, though.
"A mere five foot seven" *thinks of who's writing this right now*
How did Achan get rich and powerful if he's stupid? Also I'm not a huge fan of the "vacuous toward his anterior-most region", just bc it could be stated directly more easily and with less confusion (anterior isn't a very common word, after all).
Hm. Overall I do really like your descriptions of the two Thenardiers. They're very nicely done.
Don't really like "gamin" since you could replace that with a more readily understandable word. I'm assuming understandability is your goal here, after all, unlike Hugo
"Miniature carbon copy" Is that an oxymoron? And adding "save for his hair and height" afterward is kinda redundant (the height part anyway). I just don't really like "carbon copy" here, since there's too much difference between them to really qualify...
"Soft blue eyes radiated sadness" ...Idk, something about this particular description just rubs me the wrong way, making me automatically dislike her. Maybe it's just kinda excessive on the "oh look at this poor pathetic (as in evoking pathos) character". Same for the puppy comparison.
Otherwise, though, I like Gavin's and Eponine's paragraphs.
"Thenardier's" should be Thenardiers' I think?
"The number of presents downstairs seems fewer than last year." I know you want to be grammatically correct but I guarantee you that a twelve year old as stupid as you portray Gavin would not use number and fewer. Heck even news anchors don't. Probably something like "there's less presents than last year" is more realistic. Same for "I will not". Unless you're really formal, you're going to use "I won't".
Not sure if this is actually a rule but "okay", not "ok".
"The Thenardiers sighed as Achan replied" makes it sound like Achan isn't a Thenardier.
Since this is a normal narrative story, don't use ** for actions and stuff. Rewrite it so it fits in the sentence.
"while he tried to add the amount of money his parents were going to spend on him to the amount of money they had already spent" is too wordy. You could probably cut it to "perform an extremely arduous mental calculation" (...I don't even know how serious a suggestion that was) (something more straightforward, you know)
I feel like it's not that bizarre that someone would fall on their face after jumping off a swing?
See if you can put a line break between the story and the author's note? Also, the author's note is interesting but kinda rambling and unnecessary. (I kinda do that too, though, so)

Personally, I think this lifted a lot in terms of wording and stuff from the original Harry Potter. I of all people probably should not be criticizing originality but even so, try to avoid sticking to the book too much, both plot and wording.
Try to plan! Not just plot but also character, especially since Les Mis itself wasn't that great in fleshing out the minor characters (imo). And decide on tone as well - mostly funny or mostly serious?

Oh I have a request! Include Les Amis! Somehow. Make them a club or something (quidditch?). And try not to keep it to just enj and r, either - let some of the others have their chance to shine (combeferre and courfeyrac would probably be easiest), even if you have to extrapolate their characters/do some research. Build their characters, try to give them important-ish roles. Let that be my request. :D

Anyway, good job, and good luck! I'm excited to see where you'll go with this!
7/22/2015 c1 Phoenix Tears of Fire
Hmm personally I thought it became a bit rambly at times regarding all the descriptions (though pretty sure having a lot of them are supposed to be considered good lol). Hmm the Author's Note includes very interesting information, but no need to sound...apologetic? Be proud of your work, it's well written haha
7/20/2015 c1 9Black Rose White Fire
Hiya!

I still don't understand what time period this is in... 90s, 00s, 10s? Also, why are they in California? How will they attend Hogwarts?

"[The Thenadiers] didn't give a damn about those living around them. However, the Thenadiers liked to compare themselves to the neighbours." contradiction? At the least, it’s ambiguous.

I like "the petals of a dying rose" and “Jean-pants” and “Colette” - those latter two made me lol. Also, I found it curious how M. Thenardier is like Petunia (in appearance), and Mme Thenardier is like Vernon (but more extreme). But if he were really so famous and influential, I don’t think he’d live in an ordinary house… think of the security that rich people have to have…people always want to meet and/or rob them. Maybe make him a rich businessman, but not like “4th most influential”? Being so important comes with a lot of baggage - press, privacy, security, having to deal with being in the spotlight, etc.. If you’re not planning to address that kind of stuff, don’t make the Thenardiers quite so important. Remember that the Dursleys were only upper middle class.

“obviously feeling superior” This makes it sound like we don’t know what they’re thinking, which doesn’t sound right because in other parts, we know what they’re thinking - “in his eyes, of course, the world was his” or “[they] liked to compare themselves to the neighbours”.

“though slovenly toward his anterior-most region” I’m probably being slow, but I don’t get what this means…

“left side glistened with oil” mm yes I like this description

“was like seeing a plump Barbie doll walking her dog” haha I love this simile

“sapphire blue eyes matched beautifully with her wavy dark-brown hair” ehh…this kind of overly loving description makes me hate a character… Eponine sounds too perfect - she’s small, pretty, doesn’t care about appearances…

Gavin said last birthday they spent “twenty-thousand five hundred fifty dollars” but I think you mean “twenty-four thousand five hundred fifty”? Anyway I find it amusing how he keeps such careful track

The “jumping to the roof” was exactly what Harry did…was the copying intentional? Since the playground scene, while nicely echoing Lily and Petunia, did have a significant difference in that Gavin’s jump ended badly.

Lol I don’t think “randomly teleporting” is usually purely psychological.

Anyways, do continue! I want to know more. What is this mysterious “Revolutionary’s Stone”?

-Fire

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