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for Amidst the Two Graves

7/19/2016 c4 60RedTailedHawkens
Dear Starfiction123,
Okay, so I don't actually know what Minesweeper is, but I could kind of see Nolan playing some video game in his sleep and winning, though maybe not with the injury. Is his hand still injured? I can also see him snoring. He seems like a snorer. I'm not sure he would fall asleep if he didn't know how Emily is yet, but I guess he would have been waiting a while.
The sharp and tough line sounds exactly like something Nolan would say.
As Charlotte was talking about Emily freaking out, I remembered how the last chapter ended. It didn't exactly pick up where you left off I guess. I probably would have been more freaked out if I hadn't read this one before.
It's a shame that Charlotte is so out of the loop, even if it was for her health.
Her surprise about Emily and Jack makes sense. I don't think she ever knew that there was something there, which is kind of funny, because it was really obvious, but then, it's always easier to spot those things as a viewer than as a character. I liked Nolan's reference to him interrupting a moment, because I just loved that part in the show. It was so funny because he's their number one shipper and has been since day one.
It's nice of Nolan to fill Charlotte in though. There really is a lot.
I wonder how much Nolan knows and is able to tell Charlotte about Jack and Emily's past.
Ha. Ha. Sis-kabob. That is definitely something Nolan would say.
I like Emily's contemplation on forgiveness. It fits. And of course her and Charlotte being on good terms again makes me smile.
I get that Charlotte and Nolan are going for a romantic surprise, but I think saying "Jack's not dead" right away would be a little kinder, all things considered. Over the phone or not, Emily deserves to know and be not devastated.
And then Nolan with the "her heart was damaged beyond repair" when he knows what Jack will think. A simple "Emily's okay" would have been great. At least it seems like Nolan is trying to tell him, but do they really deserve this?
Jack's emotion is so raw in this scene, which is good, if tragic.
Aw. The bit about Amanda's smile is so beautiful and so sad.
I like how she knows that he would appreciate the scenery, just like it said he would be.
The reunion scene is perfect. I really have no words. I still think it was kind of mean for Charlotte and Nolan to not put their minds at ease before, but I get the big dramatic reveal you were going for.
Nolan's line at the end is pretty good, and I like how Charlotte was the one who came up with how to help David. As we know from the deleted scenes, she's going to law school!
Thank you for this chapter, and this story.
Have a good day.
Regards,
~RedTailedHawkens
7/10/2016 c3 RedTailedHawkens
Dear Starfiction123.
Yea! It's the Charlotte chapter! Long Live The Sisters Clarke!
I think it was right that David called Charlotte. I don't know if you get cellphone rights in those places, but, maybe. David was a little harsh with her at points, but considering his daughter was dying, and he was waiting to be arrested, I guess I can get him being a little cranky. I'm not sure about how Charlotte is. A part of me feels like the anger is right on, but another part of me feels like her time away getting clean helped her get some perspective. Still, she hasn't had a chance to really have it out with Emily yet, so it makes sense. It would have been better if they'd showed us her progress in that place, how she reacted to Daniel's death (assuming she was told) and everything else that happened in the outside world (again, assuming she was told. And someone really should have told her about her dad being sick too). They could have had a nice sub-plot,, where we saw Charlotte get better, and maybe even meet someone. It would have been a nice relief from the intensity of what was going on back in the Hamptons. And then her head-space would have made more sense when we saw her again in the Finale, because we would know how she got there, and where she stood. Obviously, she couldn't finish healing until she had it out with Emily, but still. But I like that David asks her to forgive. I feel like maybe she's the Clarke who can. (Side-note, I just got an idea for a story. Charlotte in rehab! Unless you want to take it, in which case, it's totally yours. I don't know when I'd have time to write it anyway. Anyway, let me know.)
I like how you start off Charlotte's conversation with Emily. She's all awkward, and Emily thinks she's just there because of the dad, and Charlotte saying it isn't true. You can tell she wants to forgive Emily, for David, and her own sake, and maybe for Emily too, but then there is still this anger and stuff that needs to get resolved.
I like how she says that Emily was always there for her, because it's true, and I'm glad she can see it. I'm not sure if breaking down is the right way to go, but I'm not so sure it's wrong either. Truthfully, I wrote a Charlotte/Emily scene for Two Graves, and I never posted it because it just wasn't good enough. I could never get it right. I think it's really complicated. But what you wrote seems to fit.
And Charlotte leads her to forgiveness! Yea! She is really so strong. I just love her. And I love their relationship. I am really glad you wrote this chapter.
The Nolan fighting a doctor scene was really funny. It was the perfect amount of comic relief after the Charlotte/Emily angst. Plus, it was totally in character.
I'm a little fuzzy on what exactly Charlotte did. Though I'm glad you left no doubt about the Victoria's heart thing. I was never in support of that.
And we get back to Jack. SOMEBODY TELL HER!
Thank you again for this chapter.
Have a good day.
Regards,
~RedTailedHawkens
7/10/2016 c2 RedTailedHawkens
Dear Starfiction123,
I like the way this starts. We switch perspectives to Emily's head, and we get that kind of out of it, floaty feeling, which we also had with Jack last chapter. Emily is a little more eloquent, but that fits, because she always was. Not that Jack didn't have his moments of course, like the 4th of July, and then when he professed his love the second time in season 4. (Also when he proposed to Fauxmanda, but that's not Jemily).
I like the use of quotes again, and then the phrase vicious storm. That works well with the chapter.
This really feels like what would be going through Emily's mind. Everything she thinks about Charlotte, and Nolan, and David. Everything she thinks about not being in control anymore, and what she's supposed to do now. It's all written beautifully, and just like Emily would think it.
The part where she remembers what happened to Jack, you used just the right combination of quotes and Emily's thoughts. It fits so well. And then she thinks of everything she lost, and you use, again, beautiful quotes.
I really like, "Little by little, loss by loss." It's very poetic. and then, of course, "But this was Jack."
I love that she cries, because, as Daniel said, real tears don't come easily. And yes, we've seen her cry, but still, it always means something. Poor baby.
Charlotte's opening line is so great. And I love that she's there, because I wanted closure and a relationship with them, and the show barely gave me that. It was a little scary though, because there was something ominous about how she said, "Hello sis." Or maybe that's just in my head, and how I read it. I really did not want you to make Charlotte the bad guy. I know some people see her that way, but obviously, that's not what I would want to read. I remember thinking this was the perfect cliffhanger, and being so frustrated that it cut off there. I also wanted someone to tell Jack and Emily that the other one was alive, because it is just so sad, and they both just need a hug. Poor babies.
Thank you so much for this story.
Have a good day.
Regards,
~RedTailedHawkens
7/10/2016 c1 RedTailedHawkens
Dear Starfiction123,
Hi. I'm finally reviewing one of your stories. I'll do each chapter separately, though I don't know if I'll be able to finish in one sitting.
I remember liking this one when I first read it. I totally agree with you. It should have been too hours. There was so much that needed to be wrapped, especially the Charlotte stuff. I know it was the best thing for Charlotte to go to rehab, and she's probably healthier because of it, but we really got robbed of Charlotte in season four. She and Emily had so much to work through, and they just sort of skipped all of that and were like, okay, they are all okay now. Or at least, she's in her wedding. I really enjoyed the deleted scene where everybody is at the wedding and talking about what they are going to do with their lives now, because it filled in a lot of blanks for me. As I write this, I realize it really has nothing to do with your story, so I'll get back to that. Sorry.
I like the use of the quotes. As I have read some of your other stuff, I know this is your style. It is interesting. It pays proper tribute to the show, and makes the stories uniquely yours at the same time.
I especially liked the quotes from all the people who loved Jack. Of course, we know very little of Carl Senior, but it is a nice sentiment. Declan! Aiden! Fauxmanda! Yea! The descriptions and the quotes are perfect.
And it was nice of him to think of Aiden, since he never liked him. But that's Jack for you.
Declan asking after Charlotte breaks my heart because he would, and because they should have ended up together.
And Fauxmanda. Oh, what to say to that. I love Fauxmanda so much, and she loved Jack, Emily, and Carl so much. What you wrote definitely fits.
And then he's drifting into consciousness. I liked how you had him hear what she said about needing him. I loved that scene in the show. It was so beautiful.
The moment where it all sinks in and he realizes what Emily is going to do was great. It hits him and he curses. It just fits. And then he catches Nolan in a lie, and he's like, I'm done with this shit and he curses again, and It's just awesome. He doesn't want to be treated with kid gloves. He wants them to tell him what is going on, which is so Jack, just like it's so everybody else to treat him with kid gloves, not that you can completely blame them.
It is very Jack to want to save Emily from becoming a murder, and I like how you tied in the end of season 2, and especially how you tied in when Jack shot Kate. I never felt like they went into that as much as they could have. I mean, Jack was the purest character on the show, and he took a life.
I like what Jack says about how when they were kids she was unpredictable and fun and never boring. It's so cute. It's not a lot of words, but I can still picture it. That's good writing.
Nolan/Jack bonding is always fun.
Then, Jack's reaction to what happened to Emily was perfect. The yelling, and ripping his stitches and trying to get to her. That's exactly what he would do.
That scene was so heartbreaking, and it would have been nice to have it in the show. I understand why they left it out, they wanted to fake us out, but this would have been great. Jack reacting to Emily being brought in … I just …

So, yeah, that's my review of your first chapter. I think when I first read it, I was worried you wouldn't be adding more, and I wanted more. I am glad that I was wrong.
Have a good day.
Regards,
~RedTailedHawkens
P.S. (Now you see why it takes me so long to review; because my reviews are so long.)
2/28/2016 c1 susanemily
Loved the first part of this story with filling in the blanks from the series finale. And it was funny that both of them were thinking the other one is dead and Charlotte and Nolan bringing them finally back together. And the cliffhanger at the end was really great. Because it always left me wondering whether Victoria was right about Amandas womb wounds or if she just lied. It bothers me a lot that this wasnt solved on the show. I myself prefer to see it like you did in your story. It was a horrible lie from Victoria to hurt Emily and she was just too torn and her mental state she was in didnt allow her to proof this lie and get a second opinion.
12/31/2015 c7 21Butterflysparkle97
Yay! I've finally finished you're wonderful story. It took me awhile, but I got there! I absolutely love the final chapter. It's perfect. My favourite part was the very cute flashback scene. Straight away it reminded me of a flashback between her and David. I wonder what the letter was about? You have me intreguied. You just can't leave me hanging like that. Who lied about what and how? :)
12/2/2015 c7 9InfinityxInfinity777
Awww Carl is unbelievably adorable, I'm really glad you wrote about the topic of being a mother and what it meant to Emily, Carl and Jack, because When you think about it, trying to explain their relationship and how it fits into what Emily is to Carl, is incredibly difficult...but you wrote it incredibly well. You tied up all the loose ends on that part, and in a really cute way.

Loved Nemily's phone convo, I don't know how you do it but whenever I read a Nemily scene in your stories it sounds EXACTLY like how it would go down in the show, you just have their dialogue, downpacked, with their interactions and Nolans quirky words and Nolanisms.

So incredibly happy you made Em's secretly pregnant...its exciting
11/29/2015 c7 Guest
Arrrrgh you can't leave it like that, you have to write that sequel and let us read about Amanda discovering she's pregnant and telling Jack etc! I knew as soon as she mentioned she felt unwell that she would be pregnant! I loved Amanda and Carl's interactions I always imagined he would eventually call her Mommy. Again another fantastic chapter, I love your writing you capture all the characters so well. I can't wait to read your next Jemily story you really are one of the best writers out there.
11/29/2015 c7 35karevsprincess
Ahhhh I loved this! I loved how you depicted Amanda's relationship with Carl - I picture it being exactly like that! The little peek into Nolan's life was also nice. I do like that you hinted at a Nolan and Louise relationship because Nolan deserves love and I feel like he and Louise could've been a good couple had the show done their relationship differently. And Amanda is totally pregnant, right? It's my headcanon that she and Jack end up having a baby together sometime in the future. I know that they said she couldn't have children on the show but they never said why that was, so for all we know it could've just been extremely unlikely for her to have children but not 100% impossible. And I'd love to read a fanfic about it if you want to continue...? I mean come on, you can't just end with a cliffhanger like that. I wanna know what Charlotte found out! Write more please!
11/29/2015 c4 21Butterflysparkle97
Aw! I loved this chapter! I love the Nolan and Charlotte scene, especially the part about the Chess and C.I.A. That was so funny! (Charlotte is my fave character. Especially in the first two seasons) I loved it when Amanda and Jack were reunited dispite nolan saying in the start that they both throught each other were dead. I'd leave a longer review but I'm falling asleep trying to type this. I love it and can't wait to read chapter five.
11/29/2015 c7 revenge.addicted
Okay this is really one of my favorite story ever! This last chapter was like an actual episode with that cliffhanger at the end, so I really really really want a sequel and I beg you to write more please! I was hoping to read about a future Amanda's pregnancy, but I didn't see it coming so it was a great surprise! Please write more dear! The world needs some #jemily good writing like yours, you know how to make us dream about them 3
11/28/2015 c7 Kayla1Wright
NO! Not the end! Please keep going!
11/18/2015 c6 9InfinityxInfinity777
OMG this chapter...so many love feels, it was so cute I loved it from beginning to end.
Like I love the flashback you wrote when she was running away from and her pain on the beach and she stumbled and he caught her (Aww). And then I loved in the present when he hugged her from behind and she turned towards him, and let out her emotions.

But most of all I LOVED the proposal, it was just so PERFECT, and I love how he did it in that location from S1 (that scene still tears me up every time, Jack's feelings not being able to be reciprocated). So I'm glad Emily referenced that when she accepted. And I loved all Jacks super sweet words.

Romance overload and I loved every bit!

*And then Nolan, he always knows what to do, he's the sweetest, the fireworks was such a Nolan thing to do, he's always supported them. The true MVP!
11/15/2015 c6 Guest
Ha I agree about how Disney their wedding was, in fact I always thought there was something similar to The Little Mermaid about their story; a guy with a boat and dog falls for a girl knowing nothing about her but then someone comes and steals her voice (in Revenge it was her identity;Fauxmanda) and he falls for the wrong girl but once the spell is broken he ends up with the right one.

Anyway you should be as overly romantic as you like I love it and I wish we'd had more of it in the show. Once again I love your writing you capture them so well. I was so glad you had him propose where he did his 4th July speech I always imagined he would do it there or on the beach. I love how Amanda brought up what he said and how he wasn't alone in how he felt I was always waiting for her to rectify that moment (I know she kinda did in the show just not in so many words). I loved Nolan setting off the fireworks that is so him. I also loved that you brought up the countless times Nolan had mentioned to Amanda it was her dream to marry Jack he did it several times in the show and you could tell he was right even though she wouldn't admit it. Great job this is my favourite Jemily story on here and I hope this has many chapters to go I'm really enjoying it!
11/13/2015 c6 35karevsprincess
That was so beautiful! I loved it so much! Great job - and thanks for the shout out, also. :)
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