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2/20/2017 c24 13troyguffey
Amy has changed classes: She went from Cleric to Paladin with a level of Artificer. Taylor is a Druid/Fighter/Artificer. (Luckily, this isn't a true class system, those are just templates)
2/20/2017 c24 TheWickedTruth89
Great chapter, can't wait for more.
2/20/2017 c24 2TigerCat
Yay, new chapter! Overall a pretty good chapter, though I'm looking forward to seeing a little more direct cape action with Legion soon. The bit with the Undersiders was good for now.

I liked your review of Sucker Punch - matched my own opinion pretty well. Adding the parahuman spin was appropriate, and accurate - There would have been some triggers for certain.

And I'm pleased to see more of the mine being planned for.
2/19/2017 c24 1SkyCaptain502
Shoot straight, conserve ammo, geek the m̶a̶g̶e̶ cape first, and never make a deal with a dragon. I love when a plan comes together.
2/19/2017 c24 1Bobboky
very good work
2/19/2017 c24 firelordeg
i love this story thank you for sharing another fantastic chapter as well as for all the time and effort put into this story please continue to update as soon as life allows
2/19/2017 c24 Sibiana
Not that I don't like your story, I really really do like it. But the storyline has soooooo much potential and it's a bit distracting having to dig through the daily humdrum to get to the real gems hidden in there. I could nitpick about a lot of little things: let your characters have inner dialogue, more feels, show don't tell, but it probably wouldn't help you as much as pointing you in the direction of two recent worm fanfics.

Constelations by UnwelcomeStorm It's slice of life at its best and most fluffy.

Taylor Varga by mp3.1415player Because Tuesday, because everyone is a troll even the author, but mainly because amazing powers deserve people to be amazed by them.

I don't remember if the stories are on FFN yet but they are on SV and SB.
Have fun reading them if you haven't yet and remember two things:
The only way to get better at something is to keep at it and
You do you, even if it means your readers complain, fanfiction is as much for the authors enjoyment as it is for the readers.
2/19/2017 c24 Renegade Resort
I always love it when this story updates.
2/19/2017 c24 odinlowejr88
Still loving this story :)

As others mentioned, the food descriptions are getting a bit off-putting. It's not so bad when it's even semi-plot related like when Amy and Taylor stopped to get food for their picnic or when she's making dinner to eat with her dad. However, when it's just something like the breakfast she eats in the morning while working on something on her computer it's just padding the word count without really enhancing the story.

Another thing that I didn't really get into was all the book references and discussions in recent chapters. One or two short mentions of books aren't bad but the long descriptions/quotes of the books and their plot lines didn't really do much for me, unfortunately.

I would also recommend interspersing a bit more plot between the pure slice of life sections to keep it from getting monotonous. There were a couple paragraphs I just skimmed cause I started to get a bit burned out. The plot parts don't need to be action related though, even advancing the minor plot lines works (such as the GED/AP Exams/College and the jewelry/clothes sales).

As I said at the start though, I'm still loving this story. The above criticisms are minor nitpicks in the grand scheme of things. Thank you for taking the time and effort to create and share this with us :)
2/19/2017 c24 19OrionTheHunter
Very good. This continues to develop very nicely, and this one even had a bit of action too. Thanks for writing and sharing it with us.
2/19/2017 c24 1nesquarx
Love the fic. Very nice fleshing out of the MCs and their interactions. However, lately plot progress Vs word count has slowed to such a crawl that every time I read another food description I'm starting to gloss over the paragraph. Those were fun when they worked to show her enhanced appetite, but that novelty wore off fast. I personally know what happens when you start to write grinding chapters, the details just keep popping into mind. But after a few complaints from readers I've learnt to keep the daily grind as short as possible. Just my two cents.

Anyway, keep up the good work. Thanks for writing this.
2/19/2017 c24 1Pietersielie
Great to see an update! Good bit of action at the end, and it'll be interesting to see what Taylia will do with their mine. Thanks for an awesome story!
2/19/2017 c24 Dyngari
I'm following your story because I enjoy your interplay between Taylor and Amy, and the potential insane things they can and are doing together. Ive read all of it, and for the most part enjoy it. But I definitely have some critique for your writing.

You have 24 chapters and over 270k words between them. However, that word count could easily be cut by at least 1/3 and be better for it. There should be just enough details in a scene to let your readers imagine it and fill in the blanks subconsciously. Details that have no relevance to the continuation of the story are filler, and should be avoided. All the details going into each and every food item all your characters consume is irritating and distracting to read. It is as bad as writing out in detail the brand and age of Taylor's toothbrush and toothpaste, then her mouthwash, then the exact order of things she does to take a shower, then use the toilet, etc. We don't care. Even though you're writing almost every day of the story out, it would be a huge relief to have you pare down the story to what's relevant.

All of your characters speak the same way and with the same vocabulary to the point that it's distracting in and of itself. Try to change it up, dumb some people down. Use synonyms as much as possible. A good rule of thumb is to never have a specific adjective, verb, or noun repeated within 10 paragraphs of itself unless it's an extremely important or relevant plot point being focused on. Even less if it's something you wouldn't hear spoken on the street, since it will stand out in your readers' memory. Not everybody can be The Smartest Person In The Room, and you could never pull three random teenagers together from different walks of life that would use "Mook" in a sentence.

Those two things are the biggest grievances that came to mind regularly while reading your story. Despite them, I still read it! I'm loving the creativity with extending Taylor's range with trees and other animals, I had some similar ideas when reading the original Worm. If Panacea could basically make Taylor the Deus Ex Machina to beat Zion with 5 minutes of reluctant depressed work, having them sane and happy girlfriends with weeks to brainstorm and experiment makes me a very happy reader. Can't wait to read the next chapter, thank you for your work!
2/19/2017 c24 1Alex DarkFire
nice chapter, lots of fun all around, hope to see more as soon as RL lets you get it done /laugh
2/19/2017 c24 goddragonking
great chapter , love the way this story is going, keep up the excellent work! Keep the good writing and hope for more update soon can't wait to read more:)
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