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11/13/2016 c22 TheWickedTruth89
Great chapter, can't wait for more.
10/20/2016 c20 11Arokhsteel
OK so I really like this story, not a lot happens but there is a ton of character development and we get to see the motivations and feelings of the people in it. While there are a few things in the story that I personally believe don't do much for it other than build a setting or create a routine for the characters and that in the end adds to the character development. The scene with Greg however was, I feel, poorly conceived. There was no point to it. He simply appeared said something stupid, as is the usual case for worm fictions he appears in, and Taylor chews into him. I always hate these scenes when they come up because rarely are they a case of Taylor shouting and yelling at Greg, it's a case of the AUTHOR using Taylor to yell at Greg. It never feels to me that the way Taylor is built that she would yell and rage at the boy in the ways she does in most other fictions. Now to your credit it is more believable that this Taylor would blow up at him the way she did as there is a history of this happening but it still felt like you were using Taylor to get your anger out on a sub-par character from the Original story. And I feel in the process of doing so you made a huge twist to Taylor's character. When she said to him that he was nothing to her, that if he was hit by a car or being tortured by Bonesaw she would do nothing and see nothing because to her he is nothing. This is what I feel to be a serious breach in character. The Taylor you have constructed would have certainly blown up at Greg but what she said I believe was out of line with who you have made her to be. Stating that she would feel nothing and do nothing if he were to be grievously injured or being tortured by a madwoman it a stretch. It feels to me like she didn't say what she said to teach him some lesson or to simply tell him that there is absolutely nothing between them and to leave her alone. It felt like she was angry and said what she did to HURT him. And afterwards when the boy is crying due to the fact someone has just said they honestly couldn't care less if he was brutally murdered in front of them he slinks off.
This scene made me feel bad for Greg, he's just some stupid kid who doesn't have any concept of social grace or the like and someone who he had placed on a pedestal tore into him and derided him. And then after wards the talk is never addressed again in the chapter making it feel that this was less a piece of story telling that occurred but a checked off box in a list of things to have in a worm fiction. Personally it soured the whole chapter for me. I know that this is a lot to read but thank you for taking the time to read it, it's just to me the whole segment felt forced and out of character for the Taylor you have built.
10/15/2016 c23 2DarthBill
Wow. That new communication system they have plus all the boosters they're creating are a big step forward.

Good chapter.
10/15/2016 c7 Hii-tan
This is the part where I point out that you don't "figure out" what your power is. That doesn't happen. Every parahuman instinctively knows what their power is and how to use it from the moment they trigger. Every. Single. One. That's how powers work in Worm. The knowledge may be incomplete or limited in scope, and they may not know all the details or what the limits of the power are, but it's always there. A parahuman not being consciously aware of their powers at all times would be like you not being aware that you have a left arm. You may not be actively using it right now but you're definitely aware of it.

Not sure if you're aware of this, but Taylor's power in canon, like most parahuman powers, didn't have an off switch. She was aware of all the bugs in her range at all times, and could feel all their senses at all times. In canon, the sensory overload she got from this is what caused her to double-trigger (second trigger immediately following the first), and it rendered her comatose for two weeks or so. Her brain and/or psyche just couldn't handle all the sensory input and the shard couldn't—or just didn't—alter it fast enough to protect her.

Honestly man it's like you haven't even read Worm. Or maybe you've read so much Worm fanfiction since reading Worm that it's corrupted your knowledge of canon Worm.

What the hell is "Serious Monkey's Fist" supposed to mean? Did you mean Monkey's Paw?
10/15/2016 c6 Hii-tan
All potential parahumans have a Corona Pollentia, but the Corona Gemma only forms when you trigger. A normal human who has the potential to trigger (Doctor Mother, for example) would have a Corona Pollentia, but no Corona Gemma.

Also, 'trigger' should not be capitalized, as it is not a proper noun; same with 'parahuman'.

Lastly, while it is conventional to italicize words in a sentence to indicate emphasis, bolding them in addition to this is just obnoxious.

Other than those things, I really like the story so far.
10/9/2016 c23 Jimm
Hiya, I'm still loving this story-in fact I'm currently re-reading parts again and came across something that struck me as a little odd.

Back in Chapter 7, Taylor thinks about her father: "I figured that I wouldn't tell him about being a cape until I had a good grasp on my powers, what I could do with them, as well as what I intended to do with them."

And that seems to be the last time she thought about telling him anything, despite the fact most of the canon reasons for keeping him in the dark (continuing bullying, villain, poor relationship) have been removed...

Just something to think about.
10/8/2016 c6 16LordsFire
So very unfortunate. This story looked promising, but then the entire sequence with Panacea came across as *incredibly* forced. I tried several times to push through it, but it kept moving further and further into 'forced character relationship development' territory, and my suspension of Disbelief failed.

I can see you have some developing writing skill here, but this chapter definitely over-reached the point your skill was at when you wrote it.
10/7/2016 c23 9Gremlin Jack
Another installment! The buildup continues. While watching Taylor prep has its good points, sometimes a bit more action might be needed. But I am kinda jumping for joy at the way Taylor and Amy are hacking their powers. The sheer possibilities!
10/6/2016 c23 2meja9201
Thanks,

Really like the story and appreciate the hard work.

Very interesting development with the girls link and it was tough to see Taylor relapse into her "locker" state of mind after Amy dropped out unexpectedly. The whole scene kind of took me by surprise.

Looking forward to the next update.
10/6/2016 c23 1Commanderxcom
That. Was alot of text. I liked the chapter. Quite nice.
10/5/2016 c23 rustyirongolem
I just wanted to say that I have enjoyed this story, but I'm going to step away for now. It has gotten to the point where I feel like I'm reading a food blog instead of a Worm fanfiction and that just doesn't interest me. I'll check back in later when I can skip the meal planning.
10/4/2016 c23 Guest
Keep waiting for the other shoe to drop...

Quick note: It's 'Brian', not 'Bryan'
10/4/2016 c1 3jdboss1
skip
10/3/2016 c23 5Luke Dragneel
Bryan? I believe you meant Brian considering the last chapter he was mentioned in had an 'i' in the wording instead of a 'y'.
Not a lot of action but definitely much needed plot progression. That just means more violence later on and I do like that you have Any actually looking at other anatomy and hope they go further with the aquatic elements of Taylor's swarm/potential swarm.

I am curious to was they could potentially due if they made an aquatic lair in the Bay(whether that be in the Boat Graveyard or further out to sea). Just thinking it is giving me ideas to write about.
10/3/2016 c23 1Faraway-R
Sooo, the duo are getting closer to anti-Thinker-migraine treatment then?
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