Just In
for Legion

5/7/2016 c21 TheProfool
I like this slice of life type stuff from time to time.

What you write is pretty good and most issues are small enough that they don't matter.

Hope you're feeling better.
5/7/2016 c21 2TigerCat
Brilliant, as always. The Changer mods - and more importantly, the Legion mod - was very interesting. Cauldron will be terribly surprised should news of that Case 53 hit their ears. As it undoubtedly will.
Badass!Panacea was pretty damned awesome. And I am very curious as to what was going on with Circus.

Tattletale now knows Legion and Panacea are connected, and can probably connect the dots pretty easily, but may also simply think Legion would of course have the healer tracked (or at least, that's what she'll tell people *cough*Coil*cough*)
5/6/2016 c21 Blackknight360
It's great to see a new chapter and I hope you are feeling better soon.

I would pitty Circus for making an enemy of Amy and Taylor, but s/he was very stupid in pushing for a fight.

Looking forward to further chapters.
5/6/2016 c21 19OrionTheHunter
I'm sorry to hear about your health issues, and hope you continue to feel better. I really enjoy reading this story, and I hope you still enjoy writing it even more.

Thanks for writing and sharing it with us.
5/6/2016 c21 Akuma-Heika
I had long, straight red hair, bright green eyes, a pale complexion with a dusting of freckles.
Lily Potter? Lol

make our digestion and metabolisms; they are already running at what, 90% efficiency? Maybe tweak our muscles to do more with less energy?"
considering the normal that any living being can do is 7%...that is already insane, like Bonesaw might start worshipping Amy insane

I think Amy qualifies as a high level bio-tinker now

…TayAmyLisa FTW! That is all.
5/6/2016 c21 1Addlcove
loved the short fight scene and even more that tats looses her cool, awesome chapter, glad to see you back in action.
5/6/2016 c21 1Indecisive Bob
Nice chapter! Amy did very well against Circus in their little scuffle, especially considering the fact that Amy's had next to no (or none at all) actual combat experience using martial arts. I suppose the ease of combat came with Amy's enhanced speed, strength, and reflexes? Keep up the good work!
5/6/2016 c21 6apeljohn
An enjoyable chapter, and a novel set-up of and resolution to the bank robbery scene. I can't help but feel that Director Piggot will be somewhat bemused by a cape *not* jumping at the opportunity to cause massive collateral damage in a fight.

A few of the criticisms I've made previously still hold:

1) The power testing parts of the chapter still read like a project plan in prose form rather than an actual story. In general, you only need to convey the theme that was being worked on, and optionally the abilities gained (although these can be left til combat to explicate). Plus any wacky hijinx that occurred, since it's not proper Mad Science without *something* exploding.

You do *not* need to list out the three voltages at which Amy's organic capacitors can function. Unless one of your readers develops bio-striker powers of their own, the only interesting fact here is that the voltage is variable, and even that isn't exactly "newsworthy". It's enough to just use phrases like "Taylor hit them with a higher voltage" once we actually reach combat.

Maybe thinking of it as a training montage would work better? When Rocky has a montage, you don't expect to see his complete workout, or have his full diet plan explained. You just see enough of what he's actually physically doing, and the pained sound effects he's making, to add colour and explain away any later improvements in his fighting abilities.

2) The dialogue is a bit stilted, with the primary indicator being a large average paragraph size. (A secondary indicator is syllable count: using "verify" rather than "check", for example.) Normal people don't list out all the options and contingencies they're exploring in a single monologue. Again, it comes across as less a dialogue than a project plan with quotation marks around it.

One new point of pain was the use of "s/he" for Circus. That's a mildly amusing in-joke in the narrated bits, but it really doesn't work well in the dialogue. When Amy says "Sorry, but s/he didn't give me any choice", I have absolutely *no* idea of how to pronounce that. I found myself sounding out half a dozen different options, which broke my immersion in the story.

Per your response to my last review, you're under no obligation to change your work, but hopefully this will provide an extra perspective on it :)
5/5/2016 c21 Bluesnowman
very nice work
5/5/2016 c21 5alebrewer
Glad you're doing better, but take care, that stuff can linger. Unlike other reviewers, I actually like your note about Walmart, it's the head-canon stuff like that which makes writing fanfic that much more interesting. Those details about the world we create for our stories are awesome.
I really like where this has gone. So now I'm wondering how much TT will be able to figure our once she doesn't have a power migraine and also wondering if TT will be able to figure out the alternate forms.

Can't wait to read more, thank you for sharing your work.
5/5/2016 c21 9Gremlin Jack
Great chapter, but the last Tattletale interlude was rather redundant, it gave us no significant information or insight.
5/5/2016 c21 Mingyu
Ooooh, the bank robbery. Are we that far already? It kinda sounds like Tattletale is going to need a new pair of pants. So did Dinah's kidnapping go through at least? If so, I wonder if that will give Coil enough of an edge to become a decent threat.

I realize that these mods are supposed to be subtle and sneaky, but I'm curious to see if anyone ever notices. There are some capes with enhanced senses...plus Tattletale. Anyway, thanks for the chapter!
5/5/2016 c21 2Jack Inqu
So the bank robbery got derailed. Wonder if that changes anything for Dinah, or will change things for Coil/the Undersiders in the future.

Take care, good luck, and I look forward to your next update.
5/5/2016 c21 1Bobboky
Very nice.
5/5/2016 c21 TheWickedTruth89
Great chapter, can't wait for more.
722 « Prev Page 1 .. 14 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 34 .. Last Next »

Twitter . Help . Sign Up . Cookies . Privacy . Terms of Service