Just In
for Legion

12/6/2017 c24 Biblio388
This has been a pretty crazy ride. You have a ton of very cool ideas for the girls. Easy to see that you are detail oriented, as it comes through your writing. Makes for some slogs but is worth it for all the interesting bits of trivia you included. Learned some very cool things reading this. Really enjoyed the combat scenes, you did a great job describing them.
11/25/2017 c24 Guest
It looks like the mom/dad thing persists through all the chapters, and I doubt you want to go through and deal with fixing all of them, so for the future chapters there's a quick way to remember whether to capitalize Mom/Dad or not.

If you can replace it with their name ("Hello Dad." "Hello Daniel.") it should be capitalized. If you can't ("My dad." "My Daniel.") don't.

Hope this helps! Good luck with everything!
11/21/2017 c7 Guest
dad, like always
the danger to dad
dad has pretty much
embarrassed by dad's words
let go of dad and
dad left to bring
which time dad had pulled
dad finally asked me
dad started leafing
dad came out with the
dad gave me a
until dad and I were
dad asked as
When dad brought in
dad put away the

A handful more.
11/21/2017 c6 Guest
move on after mom died
while dad was at work
I just told dad that I didn't feel well
I brought mom's flute
mom's flute was gone, mom was gone again!
maybe dad could fix it
I could even ask mom about
and mom changed the subject

More 'mum' and 'dad's needing capitalization.
11/21/2017 c3 Guest
made dad breakfast
spray that dad insisted
the supplies dad had

More 'Dad's.
11/21/2017 c2 Guest
When I woke up the next morning, I found that dad had laid out clean clothes for me on the foot of my bed. I had to admit that, no matter how much I wanted to prove my independence, having my clothes laid out for me, along with my OT tools, made getting started in the morning much easier. Taking my time, I dressed and used the cane, instead of my walker, to get downstairs. I might ask dad to bring the walker downstairs before he left for work, so I had it if I needed it. As I reached the bottom of the stairs, the smell alone told me that dad had already started making breakfast.
(all of these 'dad's here should be 'Dad's)
After breakfast, I helped dad make lunch ahead of time
Mom and dad's college text books and references.
(here as well)
I couldn't see dad working anywhere else
Me, dad, maybe some of his friends from the DWA
and what dad had said about those papers they
Which ended up lasting until dad got home
lunchtime, dad would take me to the library
Thursday, dad would pack me a big lunch
in my own name rather than dad's
hospital, dad came home shortly
someone other than dad actually
as I finished that, dad started
leaving dad to do the dishes.
I showed them to dad and to my
since both dad and I needed
(yep, all these ones should be 'Dad')

Also, when you go looking for it you realize just how much Taylor thinks of her father. It's kind of sweet, even though it's sort of sad because there's no one else for her to think about in her life.

This is where he and mom met, fallen in love, gotten married, where I was born, this is where mom was buried.
(both the 'mom's here need to be 'Mom')

providing an old pc and some text books.
a relatively new pc
(as an acronym, 'pc' should be 'PC')
11/21/2017 c1 Guest
We pulled into the driveway about 15 minutes later, and dad helped me out of car and got me my walker

The 'dad' here should be capitalized as it's a proper noun. All the other uses of 'dad'/'Dad' in the chapter are fine.
11/21/2017 c1 Guest
*me sitting at home*
"Damn, no interesting new stories to read. Whatever, I'll go read Legion again!"

*24 chapters later*
"Now I've reminded myself there's no new chapters all over again!"

*weeks later*
"Nothing new to read... hmm, might as well read Legion again."

Stupid addictive story!
11/19/2017 c24 Guest
I really hope this story isn't abandoned, because I was quite enjoying it.

It's not perfect, but it's most certainly enjoyable, and I hope that you can still enjoy writing it again in the future.
11/14/2017 c6 Guest
Okay, I had to stop reading partway through here for several reasons:
1. WALL OF TEXT. There's so much bland dialogue and descriptions of the scene that anything interesting or relevant to the plot gets washed out.

2. Unrealistic reactions and out-of-character moments. For Taylor, being paranoid and mistrustful, especially where authority is concerned, is fine. But while you did show it in previous chapters, she suddenly and magically drops it in this chapter, no explanation given.

In addition, canon Amy had a terrible bedside manner and was extremely reluctant to spend more time than was absolutely necessary on any patient. She was also unable to form an attraction to anyone who wasn't her sister. Taylor and Amy became way to comfortable with each other in too short a time for it feel like anything but a heavy-handed contrivance.

3. How would Panacea detect second triggers? Coronas vary in size and complexity between capes, and Amy never touched her before her second trigger, so she wouldn't know what it looked like originally.

4. Lastly, even if this is an AU, that only solves the last one. Detectable second triggers could be explained away by making all coronas have a fixed size, but Taylor's personality is inconsistent even within the story. They are acting like OCs that got the names and powers of canon characters stapled over them, and that turns off a lot of readers.

While your writing is grammatically correct and technically acceptable, the above flaws drag it down a lot.
10/23/2017 c6 Snapdragon
Sorry, but I'm done here: Amy Dallon, the snarky, cynical grump on the edge of burnout, has been replaced by St. Amy the White, endlessly caring and sweet, and that's a character I just have no interest in. Add Robo-Armsmaster, Mom Militia, the "three days in the locker" fanon, and Taylor's willingness to just run at the mouth about it is too much of a divergence too fast on top of being seriously AU to start with. With the number of recs I've seen for it I'm sure it's decent in its own right, but it's not for me, and I know I always wonder why someone starts reading one of my stories but stops partway so here's my reasoning.
10/18/2017 c24 Mark a
I am really enjoying legion. I started by rereading form beginning. You have a great story I love it. Thank you
10/17/2017 c24 SaintMichael95
soooo is this abandoned? its been 8 months ffs.
10/9/2017 c24 drnoyes
I have always wondered about Carol's change in attitude regarding Amy after the Canberra Simurgh attack and if the change is because she is possibly a "Ziz bomb" now?
8/5/2017 c20 aRabidHobo
First off, this is a pretty decent story. It's gotten 13 hundred favorites in its two years for a reason. Unfortunately, it is not one for me. I enjoyed it for the most part, but by the time I finished this chapter I have been skipping paragraphs at a time to keep going, and I will unfortunately not be continuing to read this. I just want to leave some words before I do leave it behind.

My issue is that of the main defining points of this story, only one or two really appeal to me: I like butterfly effect/what if stories and I like the world of Worm. I don't really like social stories, stories focusing on the power gain/growth can get boring after a few dozen of them, and I think a story can be fine with a little romance but full on romances are tedious. None of these opinions are condemning, and each individual part was really well done, but just because a painting is beautiful doesn't mean the blind person (that's me) will want to sit around and watch it.

The detail of the food and the changes were amazing and had me wondering what I would have for dinner multiple times, but it also pulled me away from the story a little bit that added up over the 20 chapters (and eventually was the bulk of paragraphs that I skipped over). At times I wondered if there was a little bit of SI going on, and if the author was a really good cook including some of his/her recipes; since there was comparatively very little in the canon source material it drew me further away from the story again. And while I agree Pepsi is a better drink overall to Coke, the inclusion of the brand names and preferences once again made me wonder how much of this was the author writing what he/she knew (and liked) over what the characters knew/liked. I guess that is to say, I keep a very nebulously picture on what any character is and don't ponder the details; when the details were added by the author, it disrupted what was in my mind and shook my suspense of disbelief, unfortunately.

Why am I writing such a long review about a story that I don't like? Well, I wanted to compliment a story that I'm parting ways with. While I eventually got tired of the details, they were still there and strong enough that I could understand exactly what was happening. While I'm not a huge fan of how central the romance is to this story, it was (in comparison to so many other fics that are just about the 'finish' line) slow enough coming and had enough foundation that I can still believe it. While I eventually got tired of all the Mods and Changes and Powers and Ideas that didn't seem to get used, each of them were well thought out and fell within my suspension of disbelief (nothing was too OP).

To the author: Keep writing stories, keep writing how you want to, and know that I respect you. If you write another story, feel free to make changes that appeal to me or not. I'd still be happy to at least give it a look.
722 « Prev Page 1 .. 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 19 .. Last Next »

Twitter . Help . Sign Up . Cookies . Privacy . Terms of Service