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for Cartoon Network Universe: Earth One - FusionFall

6/25 c8 107AnimeGirl 144
It literally took me the end of the chapter to remember this chapter title is a mission title. Next chapter being focused/about "Hands on a Hard Drive" is super exciting. MEGAS XLR was one of my favorite shows as a kid, and I appreciate seeing it get representation (hopefully more than the OG gave it).

Anyways, getting ahead of myself.

I mentioned on Discord that I liked seeing the various news stories at the very beginning. It gets a feel for what's being shown in-universe, and is also the best form of exposition. I had a brief flashback to TRON Legacy.

Moving on from there, it's good to see fan characters (and I'm guessing Liam is the sword teen in the promo art?). It helps flesh out the universe, and it hits at the heart of this game: YOU, the player, the ordinary player, helping save the world alongside your favorite (or least favorite) heroes/villains/inbetweens.

Poor Double D. His poor paranoia gets in his way more often than not, but at least it wasn't a major hindrance here. I always figured, given Double D's skills, that he and Dexter would have been in the same circles, though I think in the game they had a vague knowing of each other. I'd have to recheck.

I like seeing Mandark and Dexter be frenemies. It's a good dynamic for the two. Mojo's blackmailing was just... wow. I'm partially surprised he got away with it and partially surprised Solomon didn't end his simian life. I so have to see how others deal with him.

Fusions are being formed, and I'm going to skip ahead real quick to talk about why Fusion Jack was slow to form. I like this theory Double D pushed forth because it's a magic sword and after doing research into the FusionFall lore, I found that magic is one of Fuse's weaknesses. I can't wait to see what else the magic in this universe does. Back on the subject of Fusions, having the Fusion Lair transport them somewhere in the world is a new concept. Wonder where other lairs will take them.

The fighting was fun to read, and it was good seeing the team's dynamic. How they worked off each other and with each other (though you knocked out my favorite guy, but that's fair because the sword would have probably dealt with it quicker). Also, Mojo running off was on point, but the idea of installing Skyway Agents is planted and we'll get to see what comes from it.

Double D gaining confidence and being brought into the group was so sweet to read. Also, we get our favorite Rolf. Seriously, I'm sad Legacy was shut down before we got to see him in action. It's a crime that OG didn't have him leading the Rangers, but I guess it's because Double D needed to be put in charge of the group.

Coop and Steven teaming up is a really interesting idea. It makes sense, since the two are loveable and easy going, but I wonder what Steven will do with MEGAS. I'm really excited to see what comes from their team up.
6/25 c2 9Buttercrush
Piggybacking off what I said in the last chapter’s review, your descriptors could come a little earlier than you have them. Example being, up until now, I thought Dexter was alone in his lab doing the time travel experiment, only to have a chorus of scientists suddenly groan at him. It implies they’ve always been in the room, but I couldn’t find a piece beforehand that stated they were there.

When Ben is screaming at Finn and Numbuh Five, he says “he or she” twice. While older English teacher will argue that is correct English, it’s not reflective of our modern world. In the future, you should say “they” in place of that to be truly correct, and inclusive! (Not everyone fits into that he or she bubble!) “They” should always be used when referring to someone who’s gender is unknown or non-conforming.

I’m glad Ben’s Omnitrix is still in working condition. I do like how FusionFall, (namely Retro), handles his watch and his inability to use it, but I always get excited to see people write the watch as unphased. Plus, seeing “obscure” aliens like Lodstar is also exciting.

Seeing this chapter and the last as a retelling of the Worlds Collide Manga and the games own tutorial is fun. It’s a story we already know, but there’s plenty new and altered stuff happening to stay invested.

I know Earth One is full of changes to not just the story, but also to the characters. I think it would be beneficial to the readers to better explain some artistic and writing changes to these characters, like Dee-Dee suddenly being named Diva or Finn’s general existence. It’s important to help the reader understand the changes you’ve made, alongside why you made the change to begin with, or I feel it seems to just be confusing. Even if it makes sense to your grand design, it’s important to help key the reader in on that design.

I think it’s important to always leave your reader with questions, but I feel those questions should be rooted more so in the plot rather than the existence of xyz character.
6/25 c1 Buttercrush
Finally hunkering down and reading Earth One. Here’s hoping it lives up to the hype you bring about it to Discord!

First of, wow. This is a busy chapter, which isn’t inherently a bad thing. So much was going on for just a single situation. I like long chapters, so the length was not a problem. The only parts I struggled with were the flipping between time periods, which was confusing at first, but I was personally able to wrap my head around that more near the middle of the chapter, and the convenience.

Now, by convenience, I mean that it seemed Dexter and Mandark already knew basically everything, alongside Mandark’s lackies being where they need to be before they’re mentioned. I would’ve loved some explanation on why the two were already so well versed, despite just being smart individuals. I think your descriptions are good, but could come a little earlier in your story structure. One example would be Mojo’s appearance at the end of the chapter. We know he’s there and that he’s not in good shape, yet the characters verbally react to it before the reader itself is described to them.

All tentative points, as I know this is just the first chapter. Excited to see where this goes.
5/10 c7 Guest
Wow, so many places, It seems you have things really planned out! I also have a question, are you going to add The Amazing World of Gumball/Elmore as apart of this world, because I can't really see Gumball, Darwin, or anyone else in Elmore really contributing to the war besides maybe Penny, Bobert, or Carrie.
2/16 c6 107AnimeGirl 144
Ben is back in the present and so is Otto, technically (although probably since he was from the present time before being taken in by Buck and Larry).

Awh yeah, Bradley is here. He could have worked in FusionFall, along with Bullet. The two could have even worked together. But that's neither here or there.

The KND being apprehensive of Providence is actually pretty smart since they're both para-military operations, and Providence is an adult organization. Wonder what the KND think of other organizations.

Jack comforting Ben is my favorite thing. Jack is pretty much the dad of the FF universe and I accept no other headcanons. I loved seeing him help Ben through his struggles, and that Ben decided to help out.

(Larry almost went on my "have to hurt list" for referencing Ashi to Jack, but Otto pulled him back from it, so the bot lives).

He was a good person to choose for the speech. In terms of popularity, him and the Girls would be up there in recognizability, and so it feels natural for him to be the one to call the Earth to arms. (And honestly if a story doesn't have the mandatory "the time is now the hero is you" is it really a FF story?)

Oh ho ho. Mojo is being let out of prison? And by Mandark? Interesting...

Good job with this! Can't wait to see where the story goes from here.
1/29 c1 1RayO1
Worry not, random guest below this comment. Megas and all three of his pilots are coming.
1/29 c7 Guest
7/10 not enough Megas XLR
1/23 c1 35lightning bird
This was a fun start. For my taste the chapter was on the long side, but the dialogue kept it moving along at a brisk pace. Odd as it may sound, I'm not actually too versed in the initial FuFa time travel story line, so it's all fresh and interesting to me. On to chapter two!
9/30/2019 c5 Guest
Please update I love this story
12/10/2018 c5 107AnimeGirl 144
Huzzah, Jack is now in use. Quite an interesting name you gave him. Any particular meaning behind the name? Historical meaning or such?

I noticed that there were a few sentences that just abruptly ended. I don't know if that was on purpose or not, since it seemed that some information was missing from those sentences. Could just be missing punctuations, though.

Still not a major fan of Johnny Test, but the way Dexter handled him and promptly moved on was hilarious.

The operative that went to the Saturn Base's experience was something almost out of Alien. A traumatizing experience for the three Sector V operatives indeed. And on the note of Sector V, considering Numbuhs Three and Five are the only ones still at the Treehouse when they started to prep it for battle, will they be calling in Numbuh Six to help out?

How the Past will be effected with Ben and Otto's return will be a delight to see, especially since it sounds like Fuse's approach to Earth is close.
12/1/2018 c4 AnimeGirl 144
Sorry this took so long to get to. This chapter is pretty lengthy for me to get through in a work night.

It was fun to see the different characters be in the lead in their respective sections of the story, and the hopping back between the future and the past.

The only thing that caught my eye was the trial. I feel for Numbuh Two here because the arguments against him were actually pretty bogus, but I guess that's just because in the show's universe, the KND are acknowledged as a thing, but only the evil adults actually take their threat seriously. To every other adult, the KND is just an afterschool thing their kids go to. Then again, to make all these shows work together in one universe, some things would need to be nicked.

Good way to bring the Regular Show in. I'm not a fan of the show, but I respect that a lot of people like it and are happy it's in Legacy. Plus, it's a great way to utilize the temporal vortexes.

Yes, time for the best character to make his appearance. Putting Jack's appearance after the end of Season 5, with the knowledge that he walked the future's surface for over 50 years just adds more to his character that will be beneficial to his fellow comrades in the war against Fuse. I'm incredibly excited to see this in action, and I'm already thinking of several ways this could work out.

Does this mean that Jack will be appearing in the Future to help the group against Fusion Eduardo and to help send Ben home? It would be a great Big Damn Hero moment from him.

Another well done chapter.
11/15/2018 c4 3TheRedsBluesGreens
I have to say that out of all the fanfictions written about Fusionfall, this is definitely my favorite. Its so well written and not a single character is OOC, at least for me.
Also! When you mentioned Ben Buttoncoyote I have to admit that I laughed cause I've been watching his (yours? If you are him and that's why you chose the name? I dunno,,,) playthroughs of the game on YouTube to make myself feel jealous that its taking me so long to level up cause I barely have any time to play the game, haha.
Though I'm really happy that Buttercup is in this story I have to admit that I am kinda sad that her Belladonna character wasn't in here cause I found the Powerpuff's story in the FF universe to be really tragic. Buttercup is Belladonna in the past and when she's back to normal in the future her sisters are dead? I personally love expanding on that concept cause I find it interesting.
But! Like I said, that's just me and I'm loving the story how it is so far. Fusionfall has such a small, almost non-existent fan base which is honestly a shame because the concept and idea for it is actually really, really cool. But I'm super happy that talented writers like yourself make content for it! Hope you continue this story soon!
11/6/2018 c4 1StarryNightPrincess
- I really like how you show what is happening in both the present and the future with both the KND working hard to get their communications back online and Dexlabs trying to cover up the time machine mishap due to Dee Dee's button pressing. These both seemed so real, since such an accident could ruin Dexlabs, and without any communication, the Kids Next Door would have a lot of trouble even figuring out what to do. (Having Numbuh Four as an attorney made me laugh)

- Showing us how Fuse's monsters hurt and killed Earth's heroes was very scary for me. Between seeing Numbuh Two almost die and Mandy actually dying, it gave me the chills. This would also be a real threat since almost anything was toxic in this Future. With limited supplies and nearly all natural water sources corrupted, it is very likely that this could be the real killer here, not the monsters.

- I really liked the conversation about the Adaptium, Blastons, and Cosmix types. The fact that you gave traits to the Heroes as well was very good in my opinion.

- Like I said earlier, Mandy's death gave me the chills. However, it was mostly her telling Numbuh Five that she saw Grim holding up her hourglass. We didn't really see Grim in the Future (That is, until the Acadamy update) so I can see him leaving the overworld for the Underworld or maybe even Limbo. If the Underworld is in a different dimension or plane of existence, then the state of the Earth wouldn't really mean much to him. With Billy and Mandy dead, he wouldn't have any ties left. He could just leave when it was obvious that the Earth was going to lose.
8/19/2018 c3 107AnimeGirl 144
I liked the chapter. It allowed for more world-building. Sure, this Future falls in line with the Original's while adding Legacy's take on it, but it's also different from the game's.

Ben's brief monologue on statues was very interesting. Not a bad comparison.

(Did Mandark change his name from Susan?) I'm probably that one person who is actually glad that Mandark didn't cave in to Ben's anger. Sure, Ben has a right to be angry, but I identified with Mandark's utilitarian outlook. And I'm happy he not only stood his ground but fought back. It would have been easy to make Mandark the bad guy in the situation, but seeing that times are tough and so are the choices that have to be made.

The conversation of Adaptium, Blastons and Cosmix was very interesting, especially since you've allowed the population of the story to have these traits, instead of just Nanos and Monsters. Very interesting concept.

I'm so happy you used Otto. It's sad he wasn't utilized more in the game properly. Will he and the Squad be making an appearance in the Past?

Mandy and Numbuh Five are an interesting match up. I feel Mandy's portrayal was a little off, but I figure it's because this Mandy would be much different given the circumstances of the Future. Mandy's actions to Otto were well in character, though. I'm surprised she didn't do it sooner.

Her death didn't exactly move me, but the conversation on Grim and where he was did make me pause. Considering Grim's Resurrect 'Ems are a gaming mechanic, it's just generally believed he's around and keeping players alive. But considering you have to translate it into a story with no gaming mechanisms whatsoever, making Grim disappear is an interesting concept. I wonder how he got out of his contract with Mandy.

Numbuh 363 as an attorney (a prosecutor at that) is incredibly laughable, perhaps more so that Numbuh Four is the defense attorney. Was Numbuh $1.50 an Hour unavailable (or did he just decline to represent another member of Sector V after what Numbuh Four did to him last time)?

I don't watch Johnny Test, so I can't say much there. The idea that all the experimentation caught up with him is quite interesting.

Overall a fun read. I liked it.
7/12/2018 c2 AnimeGirl 144
Another excellent chapter done.

Dexter flying off the handle at the start was quite an emotional scene. I feel for DeeDee, but I perfectly understand Dexter's anger. To add to this, the emotions felt by the characters was on point.

As for Ben, his journey through the tutorial - I mean Tech Square - was fun to read. And I too enjoy Legacy's depiction of Tech Square a lot. Ben interacting with the various characters was fun to see, especially with Finn. Sad to see their dynamic cut short.

The only nitpick I have for this chapter is the operatives being referred to as Numbers instead of Numbuhs. Nothing that damages the story, just my own personal nitpick.
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