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10/5 c6 The Hallowed Man
Why is the information important to Hermione, when it's not even concerning her?
10/5 c5 The Hallowed Man
Why does she want to know EVERYTHING L!
Really dislike her for that.
9/12 c3 14AnAnya Contd
maybe it's just me, but I doubt I'd remain friends with people who demand constantly that I give up my privacy. here, both George and Hermione seem to demand and invade Harry's right to privacy and the boy doesn't bat an eyelid? after the war, with the life he's lived, why is he still being pushed around by people like that and Ron and still not reacting? odd...
9/8 c7 keht.jelicho
isn't Hydrus' 65 million pounds going to be unusable in many cases? the dates and appearances changed a lot in 30 years (assuming he goes back to early 80s from 2010). if it is 65 million in various precious metals (doubt he could legally acquire that much in gold, at least not easily) then its a matter of what the conversion rate in 2010 is and how much it compares to the rates when he goes back, And how much inflation changed the buying power and how that effects what gold/etc is worth. Not that it matters too much (he has "future knowledge" to guide investments that should let him build back up quickly) but he could probably do good for this timeline by leaving what he can't take with him, maybe make big donations to the new muggle-born/raised school? or other philanthropic stuff? idk
9/1 c10 12Dark-Prince-of-Clowns
Suddenly I have a flashback to that telly show, "Three Men and a Baby"
9/1 c7 Dark-Prince-of-Clowns
Small tip I pass on directly from a YouTube video of JK Rownlin;

"You, as the author, MUST know everything. But it is equally important to not tell the reader everything."

(She also edited the trainride a bunch of times and removed about half of what she'd written because it gave away too much of the story. Stephen King does the same.)

7 chapters of this fic COULD have been chipped down to one chapter Intro, and left everything else a mystery... and it would have been a better story for it.

(Because I am so, SO bored with all the dregery details and pre-quell story at this point that I've given up reading more until he gets Harry and the story REALLY starts.)

From what I can see you're pretty good at the writing part, and your ideas are intresting...

But don't boggle down your readers with details on how Harry got a house, fixed money, and all those boring details.

KNOW it, but don't share it. Or at least only have it come out as a by-sentence later. Perhaps in a conversation where someone questions him about it.

Technical details are important...but boring. As is Prologues.

And all Prologues works better as a Prequell posted seperatly, and AFTER the Main Story.

The story "The Nightmare Man" is an amazing fanfic, and that is in no small part because you know NOTHING about what happened before the start of the story, and only gets bits and pieces.

And then, at the end of the story, you're DYING to know MORE, and THAT is when you find out there is a Pre-Quell (a sequel that goes back in time), and you learn WHY he ended up where he started.

Amazing story. Well worth reading.

I don't mean it as a criticism, mind you. You do do. And if you absolutely want to do it the way it is, then by all means.

I just figured you'd be happy with some good, published-author aproved advice that can make you become and even better writer. _

I look forward to see what happens. _
8/28 c3 primalparadox
This end of chapter about the mechanics of the time travel would make better sense if it was at the start of the chapter. At the current beginning you have him handing out gold and later giving out some of the research papers. If he's going back in time he'd be effectively destroying those resources when he goes back, leaving them behind in a time that never happened.

If you explain about the branching timeline method he's hoping for it'd make all the charity seem like actual charity instead of stupidity, which is kinda what it looks like if he does it all before looking into how he's going back in time.
8/26 c24 Guest
Well, Luna could STILL go to Hogwarts, right? RIGHT?
8/26 c21 Guest
I love this story, have read it several times, and always wished there was a "Part 2" about HH going to another Universe/TimeLine/plot point and doing it all again, maybe have after that a short where Harry goes on a vacation and Things Happen, etc. You could have a LOT of fun with this - some stories could be funny, others much more dramatic, maybe having HH popping into a story where "their" Harry had been killed at some point (also plot point) and Saving the World, etc.
8/25 c12 Guest
I like this HH is human in that he didn't think about the DEs being ghouled.

Most men AREN'T comfortable truly sharing their feelings because most men AREN'T raised to think doing so is a normal part of life. Men are traditionally raised to be "strong" and that showing emotions other than rage, anger, disrespect, condescension, bravado, etc. showing weakness.
8/25 c9 Guest
Oh, and if your muse is inspired by ANY of my Guest reviews, please, HAVE AT IT!

I think you could write an amazing Severus! No, maybe you couldn't write "Snape" - but SEVERUS is an amazing character if you look at him from a different angle. And bash Albus ALL...YOU...WANT. Srsly. The manipulative, delusional, uncaring character deserves a good bashing.
8/25 c8 Guest
I do think that HarryHydrus really was too harsh with Sirius but it also made "HH is just human regardless of his MoD status" and Sirius made sense being his vengeance-filled self - of course he wanted to run off and murder'ate That Filthy Rat! and naturally he trusted Hagrid...and of course Hagrid auto-trusted his li'l creepy-weirdo hero Albus...and naturally Sirius didn't stop to THINK about how Albus knew to send Hagrid, etc - he just wants to kill That Filthy Rat.

Would still love to read a version of this where Hermione was less "stick up her ass" and came with Harry (after figuring out a way to do so)...or maybe she figures out a way to follow him and pops up like a year after he does? That could be fun, too - especially if she brings George with her? Maybe George could 'adopt' Hermione the way Sirius did Harry - to change her just enough to stop the paradox - and maybe after that George could get someone - could totally see Xeno doing it! - to 'adopt' him, too?
8/25 c6 Guest
The only thing that would make this an even better story is if Hermione would go with him (and Sirius and Dobby would still be alive - and go w/ him b/c can you imagine 2 Siriuses and 2 Dobby?)
8/23 c1 Guest
The youngest Potter, the youngest Potter... is there some other Potter? The dark haired wizard, with a scar on his forehead and ugly glasses. Such extreme measures to avoid just calling the main character HARRY.
8/23 c1 Guest
I Googled... pulling hair is a mental health issue called Trichotillomania. Not a cool or admirable thing. I didn't find an actual name for smacking yourself in the head or slamming your head into a wall, table or other solid object, but I did find information indicating such aberrant behavior can cause brain damage and the behavior itself is likely caused by uncontrollable anger. Not a cool thing especially for a hero.
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