for Legend of Prince12/4/2015 c5 Guest
Love this concept! Wouldn't it be hard to explain why "half dark elves" worship the God of Light?
Love this concept! Wouldn't it be hard to explain why "half dark elves" worship the God of Light?
11/10/2015 c2 
7the freelance dreamer
I really, really like where this is going. The concept is extremely creative, and I like that you're creating a sort of continuity between the two series.
7the freelance dreamerI really, really like where this is going. The concept is extremely creative, and I like that you're creating a sort of continuity between the two series.
9/8/2015 c5 4Grinning Wolf 24
:) Still here, sister! I am following right along, and it is all going swimmingly. ;D I can't wait to see what happens next. Keep on writing~
4Grinning Wolf 24:) Still here, sister! I am following right along, and it is all going swimmingly. ;D I can't wait to see what happens next. Keep on writing~
9/7/2015 c5 4Anonymess
That monologue at Ai Rou gives about Prince hopelessly wandering the wilderness for eternity... I swear that was one of the most beautifully written things I have ever seen about her sense of direction.
"Even though we had been married for years, he still made me want to punch him." I can totally relate! I've been with my fiance for eight years and I still feel that way about him... xD
I like how Ugly Wolf separated everyone into "couples", because everyone knows that Arctic Fox will wear down Kenshin eventually.
Prince doesn't usually call Ugly Wolf with the suffix gege, which means older brother. Instead he uses Wolf-nii or Wolf-dage depending if you follow the manga or novel translation (I think the -nii suffix is more Japanese, anyway?). If I recall -gege was only really used for Wicked, they mean the same thing but I think -gege is more informal compared to dage, which is more comparison to a "mentor" kind of elder brother than necessarily affectionate.
Keep up the good work!
4AnonymessThat monologue at Ai Rou gives about Prince hopelessly wandering the wilderness for eternity... I swear that was one of the most beautifully written things I have ever seen about her sense of direction.
"Even though we had been married for years, he still made me want to punch him." I can totally relate! I've been with my fiance for eight years and I still feel that way about him... xD
I like how Ugly Wolf separated everyone into "couples", because everyone knows that Arctic Fox will wear down Kenshin eventually.
Prince doesn't usually call Ugly Wolf with the suffix gege, which means older brother. Instead he uses Wolf-nii or Wolf-dage depending if you follow the manga or novel translation (I think the -nii suffix is more Japanese, anyway?). If I recall -gege was only really used for Wicked, they mean the same thing but I think -gege is more informal compared to dage, which is more comparison to a "mentor" kind of elder brother than necessarily affectionate.
Keep up the good work!
8/31/2015 c4 Anonymess
It might be good to work on your dialogue change in the incoming chapters. Don't be afraid to do "She whispered" "He said hastily" kind of things to show tone of voice and whatnot. Otherwise it can sound a bit monotone, and helps the reader understand who is talking when.
Oh Prince, oh Prince... I'm surprised Ai Rou let him navigate at all. They're probably like 20 miles off course. And God of War? Violent? Prince, I'm pretty sure you fit all of the above!
Keep up the good work, I definitely see improvement in your writing already. And I like that you are giving some brief refresher on some of the LoSK lore (Cause I kind of need it to be honest...)
It might be good to work on your dialogue change in the incoming chapters. Don't be afraid to do "She whispered" "He said hastily" kind of things to show tone of voice and whatnot. Otherwise it can sound a bit monotone, and helps the reader understand who is talking when.
Oh Prince, oh Prince... I'm surprised Ai Rou let him navigate at all. They're probably like 20 miles off course. And God of War? Violent? Prince, I'm pretty sure you fit all of the above!
Keep up the good work, I definitely see improvement in your writing already. And I like that you are giving some brief refresher on some of the LoSK lore (Cause I kind of need it to be honest...)
8/24/2015 c3 Anonymess
Wontons in hot chili oil? I actually made that with my brother-in-law once, it's just as delicious as Prince claims. Now I find myself experimenting with hot chili oil in almost everything I cook, at least once anyway...
1/2 dark elf? Does that mean Prince's in-game appearance has changed as well, since elves don't have light phenotypes like hair or eyes? Or does the half human make that up? That might need some clarification, but the idea itself is very interesting to me.
Keep up the good work!
Wontons in hot chili oil? I actually made that with my brother-in-law once, it's just as delicious as Prince claims. Now I find myself experimenting with hot chili oil in almost everything I cook, at least once anyway...
1/2 dark elf? Does that mean Prince's in-game appearance has changed as well, since elves don't have light phenotypes like hair or eyes? Or does the half human make that up? That might need some clarification, but the idea itself is very interesting to me.
Keep up the good work!
8/22/2015 c2 4Grinning Wolf 24
...and then Meatbun pipes up from his hidden place in Xiao Lan's pocket: "But Mama is Prince!" XD I have never read Sunknight things, and have no idea of what it is about, so as your blind representative to ensure continuity and understanding, you are doing a good job. :) So far everything that is explained makes sense and doesn't seem like you are grasping for ideas or making jumps that don't make sense without background information.
4Grinning Wolf 24...and then Meatbun pipes up from his hidden place in Xiao Lan's pocket: "But Mama is Prince!" XD I have never read Sunknight things, and have no idea of what it is about, so as your blind representative to ensure continuity and understanding, you are doing a good job. :) So far everything that is explained makes sense and doesn't seem like you are grasping for ideas or making jumps that don't make sense without background information.
8/22/2015 c1 Grinning Wolf 24
Ha, so you did edit it! You added Meatbun-bun! Of course you know I support you wholeheartedly in your first posted fanfiction. :) My only true advice: good luck with the updates. The only reason I never made an update schedule was because I knew for sure that I would never be able to keep it. So, good luck! I know that you can do better at it than I can. ;)
Ha, so you did edit it! You added Meatbun-bun! Of course you know I support you wholeheartedly in your first posted fanfiction. :) My only true advice: good luck with the updates. The only reason I never made an update schedule was because I knew for sure that I would never be able to keep it. So, good luck! I know that you can do better at it than I can. ;)
8/18/2015 c2 4Anonymess
So I didn't review on the first chapter because I wanted to wait to see where you were going with the story. It's hard to gauge on a lot of things with a first chapter so short.
I like where this is going, it seems interesting. I read the original fic that this was based off of and so it's nice to see you didn't try to copy it word for word to try to continue you it. You took the idea and made it your own, which I find really important because it makes for better quality story telling than trying to parrot someone else's prose. I've seen that too often, so it makes me really happy to see that.
I'm definitely going to continue reading this, because I'm interested in seeing where this is going to go. I know the importance of reviewing as well as how sparse it seems to be now-a-days (From first-hand experience, trust me) so I will also try to review (I'm a great hypocrite because I ask for reviews as well, but I always tend to forget to give them...)
There are some things you could improve on, as well as some possible canon compliant issues if you're big on that kind of thing. If you want to hear them, just P.M me. I ask for critiques in my reviews as well, but I just personally prefer to talk more privately when I give them.
Keep up the good work! Don't ever think someone isn't reading!
- Anony
4AnonymessSo I didn't review on the first chapter because I wanted to wait to see where you were going with the story. It's hard to gauge on a lot of things with a first chapter so short.
I like where this is going, it seems interesting. I read the original fic that this was based off of and so it's nice to see you didn't try to copy it word for word to try to continue you it. You took the idea and made it your own, which I find really important because it makes for better quality story telling than trying to parrot someone else's prose. I've seen that too often, so it makes me really happy to see that.
I'm definitely going to continue reading this, because I'm interested in seeing where this is going to go. I know the importance of reviewing as well as how sparse it seems to be now-a-days (From first-hand experience, trust me) so I will also try to review (I'm a great hypocrite because I ask for reviews as well, but I always tend to forget to give them...)
There are some things you could improve on, as well as some possible canon compliant issues if you're big on that kind of thing. If you want to hear them, just P.M me. I ask for critiques in my reviews as well, but I just personally prefer to talk more privately when I give them.
Keep up the good work! Don't ever think someone isn't reading!
- Anony