for A Cadmean Victory9/15 c36 dragonheart117
Okay, thats enough for me. I'll stick this deep in the bookmarks folder so maybe one day I'll find it again and continue.
I'd also kinda prefer this to be an open ending here.
But review for reviews sake.
harry confessed first, which is a shame, she was the one interested, and him negatively viewed her for much of it, but you rush a few chapters to make him pine for her when convenient then bam... sad. She didn't even apologize.
So here where the creepyness comes in. She makes a portkey for him to come to her, but doesn't give him the word to return until he answers her questions, coercion btw. Then implies that she wont let him leave until he satisfies her and he literally says he's 14, and it literally says he is scared. her reply is she doesn't care about his age... reverse the geners for that one ay. So rape, but statutory (depending on the country not that anyone would care cos harry is male) She never apologizes for being a bitch, so much so that he literally rendered his soul in the aftermath. She doesn't care about him, she cares about herself and he makes her feel butterflies so he's hers apparently... this is unintentionally a horror flick.
other than the creepy romance the story is well written and quite high on the lists. Did quite a few things rather new, but other things annoyingly the same. so 7/10 if you don't account for the romance going weird. 4/10 if you include it. if you never noticed the creepyness the romance might actually increase the score.
Okay, thats enough for me. I'll stick this deep in the bookmarks folder so maybe one day I'll find it again and continue.
I'd also kinda prefer this to be an open ending here.
But review for reviews sake.
harry confessed first, which is a shame, she was the one interested, and him negatively viewed her for much of it, but you rush a few chapters to make him pine for her when convenient then bam... sad. She didn't even apologize.
So here where the creepyness comes in. She makes a portkey for him to come to her, but doesn't give him the word to return until he answers her questions, coercion btw. Then implies that she wont let him leave until he satisfies her and he literally says he's 14, and it literally says he is scared. her reply is she doesn't care about his age... reverse the geners for that one ay. So rape, but statutory (depending on the country not that anyone would care cos harry is male) She never apologizes for being a bitch, so much so that he literally rendered his soul in the aftermath. She doesn't care about him, she cares about herself and he makes her feel butterflies so he's hers apparently... this is unintentionally a horror flick.
other than the creepy romance the story is well written and quite high on the lists. Did quite a few things rather new, but other things annoyingly the same. so 7/10 if you don't account for the romance going weird. 4/10 if you include it. if you never noticed the creepyness the romance might actually increase the score.
9/15 c35 dragonheart117
wow. managed to fit two of the worst tropes in this one.
make harry strong, but nothing changes.
make harry strong, but everyone else stronger.
why.
then the heroes throw, but from the hero. Voldi inexplicably survived harrys super spell complealty unharmed. should have not foreshadowed the spell, or made it weaker and incomplete still.
also seems like he just gave voldi his spell... lame, esp when you had to slow down apparition to force it. also gave up the advantage of his butterflies being unknown... lame.
then admitting to killing people... that ain't gonna come back to bite him, why is he acting so weird.
Voldi said he didn't give them an obvious avenue to escape, but then the apparition wards go down without reason... should have just left the cup as is.
wow. managed to fit two of the worst tropes in this one.
make harry strong, but nothing changes.
make harry strong, but everyone else stronger.
why.
then the heroes throw, but from the hero. Voldi inexplicably survived harrys super spell complealty unharmed. should have not foreshadowed the spell, or made it weaker and incomplete still.
also seems like he just gave voldi his spell... lame, esp when you had to slow down apparition to force it. also gave up the advantage of his butterflies being unknown... lame.
then admitting to killing people... that ain't gonna come back to bite him, why is he acting so weird.
Voldi said he didn't give them an obvious avenue to escape, but then the apparition wards go down without reason... should have just left the cup as is.
9/15 c34 dragonheart117
seems a kinda lame way to kill the guy
also i can see harry confessing first... sigh. 0/10 right now
seems a kinda lame way to kill the guy
also i can see harry confessing first... sigh. 0/10 right now
9/15 c30 dragonheart117
dono why harry went on the attack on this hostage based competition. seems off. also fleur should have won that fight even If I vasty prefer harry to win.
dono why harry went on the attack on this hostage based competition. seems off. also fleur should have won that fight even If I vasty prefer harry to win.
9/14 c26 dragonheart117
wasn't expecting the missunderstanding trope, even if it was well written. it will only be worth it for the obvious darkening if he actually gets a real apology instead of yea, but if it fucked up the relationship isn't that a good thing, he got last time.
wasn't expecting the missunderstanding trope, even if it was well written. it will only be worth it for the obvious darkening if he actually gets a real apology instead of yea, but if it fucked up the relationship isn't that a good thing, he got last time.
9/14 c22 dragonheart117
ahh this trope.
if you took out all tags, you would still easily be able to figure out who the lead girl was. Whichever girl stepped on the main character with a real wrong, but has the main character apologize for.
bonus points for the woman scary trope.
You could have at least put the reactions of davis and co to hide the fact that you wanted this scene to happen more than sense.
I almost closed the tab when I saw what was coming... I can't belive you have done this and my day is ruined. :P
If there are no more comments you will know why. onwards
Also just in case, 9/10 so far. Well up until this point, but this is a personal pet peeve of mine so I won't let it affect the rating.
ahh this trope.
if you took out all tags, you would still easily be able to figure out who the lead girl was. Whichever girl stepped on the main character with a real wrong, but has the main character apologize for.
bonus points for the woman scary trope.
You could have at least put the reactions of davis and co to hide the fact that you wanted this scene to happen more than sense.
I almost closed the tab when I saw what was coming... I can't belive you have done this and my day is ruined. :P
If there are no more comments you will know why. onwards
Also just in case, 9/10 so far. Well up until this point, but this is a personal pet peeve of mine so I won't let it affect the rating.
9/14 c20 dragonheart117
don't like the never want to die crap. it seems this is pointing to a dark end rather than a grey one. :(
don't like the never want to die crap. it seems this is pointing to a dark end rather than a grey one. :(
9/14 c16 dragonheart117
quite well written chapter.
the only notices me when I'm invisible was funny. I loled
quite well written chapter.
the only notices me when I'm invisible was funny. I loled
9/14 c15 dragonheart117
giving fleur more points was a smart move.
although I hope she apologizes for being such a twat to him.
giving fleur more points was a smart move.
although I hope she apologizes for being such a twat to him.
9/14 c8 dragonheart117
I forgot to comment this, but I didn't think anyone else though of using a bug swarm to protect against unforgivables. nice. though I thought nats or something small so ur vision wouldn't be obstructed and they could form a tight enough swarm that a big bolt wouldn't get through.
I forgot to comment this, but I didn't think anyone else though of using a bug swarm to protect against unforgivables. nice. though I thought nats or something small so ur vision wouldn't be obstructed and they could form a tight enough swarm that a big bolt wouldn't get through.
9/12 c23 
2HarryPfanfic
So far, the story has been wonderful. This is my first review on this story; more will follow for future chapters.
First of all, I really liked that the changes are gradual in this story. Harry didn't just start hating his friends, the mistrust, the wand breaking, these things changed him. Many authors tend to reveal all the mishaps done to Harry in a very rapid way and it feels artificial. Kind of sad that Dumbledore is not helping him (I like mentor/good Dumbledore fics) but it's alright. As I said, things are gradual and make sense.
What didn't make sense was Salazar's portrait. How can a person who died a thousand years ago, know every modern spell and even modern English? I never quite liked the all-knowing-portraits thing. Salazar and Harry are parselmouths, so there should have been no problems in communication and I would have liked if Salazar had helped explore old magics (like how he helped him with that ritual) to Harry instead of the really modern ones that he just seemed to know.
There were some places where I found the writing confusing. I remember one specific part where Harry and Hermione were talking in class and suddenly they were out of class and I had to read it again to understand that I didn't hallucinate. So, there seemed to be a lack of information about the surroundings in some places, but it was not that bad.
Honestly, the first point means a lot to me, so I like the story very much and judging that I've only read about one-fifth of the story, I think things will become interesting in the future. Favorited and followed!
2HarryPfanficSo far, the story has been wonderful. This is my first review on this story; more will follow for future chapters.
First of all, I really liked that the changes are gradual in this story. Harry didn't just start hating his friends, the mistrust, the wand breaking, these things changed him. Many authors tend to reveal all the mishaps done to Harry in a very rapid way and it feels artificial. Kind of sad that Dumbledore is not helping him (I like mentor/good Dumbledore fics) but it's alright. As I said, things are gradual and make sense.
What didn't make sense was Salazar's portrait. How can a person who died a thousand years ago, know every modern spell and even modern English? I never quite liked the all-knowing-portraits thing. Salazar and Harry are parselmouths, so there should have been no problems in communication and I would have liked if Salazar had helped explore old magics (like how he helped him with that ritual) to Harry instead of the really modern ones that he just seemed to know.
There were some places where I found the writing confusing. I remember one specific part where Harry and Hermione were talking in class and suddenly they were out of class and I had to read it again to understand that I didn't hallucinate. So, there seemed to be a lack of information about the surroundings in some places, but it was not that bad.
Honestly, the first point means a lot to me, so I like the story very much and judging that I've only read about one-fifth of the story, I think things will become interesting in the future. Favorited and followed!
9/9 c53 3SatanSan53
Holy shit, the author literally read my mind. I wanted Harry to put an Imperio on Rita, and force her to write an article about Voldemort and Death Eaters, and once she sent the article off to print, Harry would kill her and put the Dark Mark. Pretty much what I wished for.
3SatanSan53Holy shit, the author literally read my mind. I wanted Harry to put an Imperio on Rita, and force her to write an article about Voldemort and Death Eaters, and once she sent the article off to print, Harry would kill her and put the Dark Mark. Pretty much what I wished for.
8/8 c1 romieX
Fucking hell man, same shit as 90% of others wannabe writers, 100 words to describe something meaningless, as oppose to 10 just to point out facts; for a simple purpose of having a larger word count. And this shit continues for like 100 chapters, are you mad? You have a compulsion charm placed on you? Just STOP, take a breath, and trimm this thing, take out useless descriptions and "nobody cares" reflection, what would've been left would be a great story for 40-50 ch.
I don't know how people can finish this "brick" without going to a Dreamland every 5 minutes...
Cheers
P.s. Fleur? Seriously? Just fuck off...
Fucking hell man, same shit as 90% of others wannabe writers, 100 words to describe something meaningless, as oppose to 10 just to point out facts; for a simple purpose of having a larger word count. And this shit continues for like 100 chapters, are you mad? You have a compulsion charm placed on you? Just STOP, take a breath, and trimm this thing, take out useless descriptions and "nobody cares" reflection, what would've been left would be a great story for 40-50 ch.
I don't know how people can finish this "brick" without going to a Dreamland every 5 minutes...
Cheers
P.s. Fleur? Seriously? Just fuck off...