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for Percy's Hidden Pain

12/4/2019 c5 wintze
yes continue please it is a amazing story
6/18/2019 c5 JustBook
Please continue this story.
6/17/2019 c5 WhiteEagle1985
Reboot if ya want to, else try to continue where you left off!
6/17/2019 c5 the guy that loves all gunpla
pls do
6/17/2019 c5 Thundergil
I would say to reboot this story because it has quite some potential
6/17/2019 c5 12Multiple-Fandom-Writer
You should honestly.
6/14/2019 c2 Cecilia Harper
Hey dude!
One, great concept. Overall, I love your story!
Just picking up the vibes I got from this piece, I think you’d be a natural screenwriter. You don’t have to listen ; I just thought I’d point it out.
Stay Strong,
Cecilia Harper.
5/21/2017 c1 Guest
beudegard alguma coisa assim
11/21/2016 c1 monks ninja
silent boulreguard or something similar
8/10/2016 c4 Zero Uzamaki Kryze
This chapter ended on a good note, already listens to Beautiful by Eminem good song by the way, and loving the fan fic so far plz update soon
6/15/2016 c4 GodzNo
beaurogard...dont know for sure if it is spelled like this, but it is the last name of Silena.
also...please return to us, i want to read more
5/4/2016 c4 TheReaderofWarsaw
If you edited this it would be much more fun to read. Right now truthfully the large walls of text and sudden changes in POVs are disconcerting. You should get a would improve this greatly. Anyway I'll be keeping track. Lets see where this thing goes.
Hope you write on.
8/28/2015 c4 WhiteEagle1985
An interesting story so far!
8/16/2015 c1 9Scaevus
Your story is a good idea, but your chapters are very short and lack grammar. Instead of using '(sighs)' or '(chokes up a little bit)' try actually putting it into the sentence. It is Percy speaking, right? So try to say, 'Percy sighed, "I can..."', or '"I know why and that was me," he says sadly.' It would help the piece flow and really help the readers understand the story better.
For your grammar, make sure abbreviations have the apostrophe. For example, instead of 'ill', have it as 'I'll'. It can get confusing, because it could be saying 'I will' or that you are physically 'ill'. Anyway, it is a good theory but these things would help develop that idea into a well-written story.
P.S. This is not a 'flame' it is constructive criticism, designed to advise you on how to improve. I'm not 'hating' on you or your piece.

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