for Being a Main Character Sucks Ass5/28/2017 c17 DarkDust27
Kelis' Milkshake song? Really!? LoL! XD
And I thought her antics couldn't get anymore ridiculous. Anyway nice job with this chapter! :)
Kelis' Milkshake song? Really!? LoL! XD
And I thought her antics couldn't get anymore ridiculous. Anyway nice job with this chapter! :)
5/28/2017 c17 kiss and love
hahaha omg so funny...!
hahaha omg so funny...!
5/4/2017 c5 Guest
"Megalovania"
Ah, I see you're a man of culture as well
"Megalovania"
Ah, I see you're a man of culture as well
4/19/2017 c1 
6Steavatron
Wow. I don't even know where to begin.
Let's see.
Grammar. That definitely needs work. You should try and focus on getting the proper grammatically correct phrases and sentences going for your story. Make sure to read reread everything thoroughly before posting it. (e.g. What the f*#k just happened?) It may seem like a very small difference, but it's a lot easier to read a story that has been properly checked and written correctly (without even getting into the quality).
Sentence structuring. I think this is also an area to work on. Make sure that all your sentences have all their parts together, and that they work, not only by themselves, but with all the surrounding sentences. The part where you mention an appendage which you assume is someone's hand was quite disorienting for me. It really had no context with the rest of the story and didn't make all that much sense. I get that you were trying to emphasize just how disoriented and confused the character seems to feel at the moment, but I don't think that part was conveyed well.
6SteavatronWow. I don't even know where to begin.
Let's see.
Grammar. That definitely needs work. You should try and focus on getting the proper grammatically correct phrases and sentences going for your story. Make sure to read reread everything thoroughly before posting it. (e.g. What the f*#k just happened?) It may seem like a very small difference, but it's a lot easier to read a story that has been properly checked and written correctly (without even getting into the quality).
Sentence structuring. I think this is also an area to work on. Make sure that all your sentences have all their parts together, and that they work, not only by themselves, but with all the surrounding sentences. The part where you mention an appendage which you assume is someone's hand was quite disorienting for me. It really had no context with the rest of the story and didn't make all that much sense. I get that you were trying to emphasize just how disoriented and confused the character seems to feel at the moment, but I don't think that part was conveyed well.
4/8/2017 c15 DarkDust27
Yea he shouldn't have introduced them, Konoha can't handle that much awesome being to close to each other xD
Yea he shouldn't have introduced them, Konoha can't handle that much awesome being to close to each other xD
4/3/2017 c14 DarkDust27
Aww Kurama feels fluffy towards Naruto! :3
And I like her henge she can basically turn into anything she wants.
Aww Kurama feels fluffy towards Naruto! :3
And I like her henge she can basically turn into anything she wants.
3/24/2017 c1 Ninelotus
Having a grammatical error in the very first sentence in your story ins't a great way to start...
Having a grammatical error in the very first sentence in your story ins't a great way to start...
3/20/2017 c11 5MusicOfMadness
Gotta say, I loved the last chapter when her teacher was like "yo, this guy is annoying, prank him specifically". Also, gotta say the Hyuugas are a cute edition. Question though, is she the same age as the Rookie 9? Like, maybe she's just really self aware despite her age?
Anyway, keep up the good work!
5MusicOfMadnessGotta say, I loved the last chapter when her teacher was like "yo, this guy is annoying, prank him specifically". Also, gotta say the Hyuugas are a cute edition. Question though, is she the same age as the Rookie 9? Like, maybe she's just really self aware despite her age?
Anyway, keep up the good work!