
9/28/2023 c1 mb
this is cute!
this is cute!
10/5/2020 c1 Sakurenjidreamer
How can he not be valiant. He protected Mamori from Gaou, ready with weapons at hand.
How can he not be valiant. He protected Mamori from Gaou, ready with weapons at hand.
9/26/2016 c1
3AnonymousNavi
Cute and I really like how you worded the ending about Hiruma being a villain. :D

Cute and I really like how you worded the ending about Hiruma being a villain. :D
5/9/2016 c1
84Chronic Guardian
Long overdue review for you~!
Present tense... good, good. L will be pleased. Although, maybe try to not repeat "face" so quickly in the opening sequence. Y'know, just one of those things to get the flow moving better.
"That can be done after I send [off] the compilation"
Nice intriguing start. Mamori seems like the type who people don't really know because they're always talking over her lines. Or is it just Akari who does that?
"all seated tickets were sold [out] pronto"
You play up the dramatic conflict from Akari's perspective fairly well. I'm also curious as to who Mamori is with, but considering my lack of context I'm less inclined to guess at what he's like and just wait for the reveal.
...And what a reveal that turns out to be! Who is this curmudgeon? Why is Mamori going with him? Where did she even meet a guy like this? If she's /his/ manager, dating might sort of be off-limits. Oddly enough, I think this negative space approach is really just using the punk to paint a better picture of Mamori underneath the surface. My... if only Akari knew...
Anyway, I note that you took the X route of writing opposite the prompt. Good job with that! Have an [Inverse Matrix] award for your troubles.
Looking forward to reviewing your next story,
-CG

Long overdue review for you~!
Present tense... good, good. L will be pleased. Although, maybe try to not repeat "face" so quickly in the opening sequence. Y'know, just one of those things to get the flow moving better.
"That can be done after I send [off] the compilation"
Nice intriguing start. Mamori seems like the type who people don't really know because they're always talking over her lines. Or is it just Akari who does that?
"all seated tickets were sold [out] pronto"
You play up the dramatic conflict from Akari's perspective fairly well. I'm also curious as to who Mamori is with, but considering my lack of context I'm less inclined to guess at what he's like and just wait for the reveal.
...And what a reveal that turns out to be! Who is this curmudgeon? Why is Mamori going with him? Where did she even meet a guy like this? If she's /his/ manager, dating might sort of be off-limits. Oddly enough, I think this negative space approach is really just using the punk to paint a better picture of Mamori underneath the surface. My... if only Akari knew...
Anyway, I note that you took the X route of writing opposite the prompt. Good job with that! Have an [Inverse Matrix] award for your troubles.
Looking forward to reviewing your next story,
-CG
1/30/2016 c1 lolcano
Aww so cute~ Nice story!
Aww so cute~ Nice story!
8/27/2015 c1
120Aviantei
Tash! I'm so glad to see you could share some writing! Sounds like summer's been crazy, but there's always time to write, right?
Ah, Eyeshield 21: a series I'm interested in but just haven't found the time to get into. Fear not, I'm a master at staring down fics with zero context.
"... who [starts] to feel a migraine coming..." (no apostrophe)
"Akari [tilts] her head to the side...]
I like the banter going on here. You have some great strengths in dialogue here. I can really tell a lot about these two based on their speech. Plus, there's something about the persistence of not letting something go that's annoyingly endearing.
The twist on the prompt is nice as well. Not everyone is valiant, but that doesn't mean that can't make people happy. It's kind of a twist on the title, too, because we're looking at opposites, right?
You've got some good stuff, Tash. Looking forward to reading your other one shot and seeing how you grow!
Stay Saucy,
-Aviantei

Tash! I'm so glad to see you could share some writing! Sounds like summer's been crazy, but there's always time to write, right?
Ah, Eyeshield 21: a series I'm interested in but just haven't found the time to get into. Fear not, I'm a master at staring down fics with zero context.
"... who [starts] to feel a migraine coming..." (no apostrophe)
"Akari [tilts] her head to the side...]
I like the banter going on here. You have some great strengths in dialogue here. I can really tell a lot about these two based on their speech. Plus, there's something about the persistence of not letting something go that's annoyingly endearing.
The twist on the prompt is nice as well. Not everyone is valiant, but that doesn't mean that can't make people happy. It's kind of a twist on the title, too, because we're looking at opposites, right?
You've got some good stuff, Tash. Looking forward to reading your other one shot and seeing how you grow!
Stay Saucy,
-Aviantei
8/27/2015 c1 Xei
"head of the yakuza" was the closest, that cracked me up. LOL. but still, Hiruma is just a magnificent bastard with a heart of gold. Great fic! )
"head of the yakuza" was the closest, that cracked me up. LOL. but still, Hiruma is just a magnificent bastard with a heart of gold. Great fic! )