for Harry Potter and the Shadow Legion1/2/2016 c32 Delta3950
Something you may wish to take into account that I can't believe I keep forgetting about. When one is in the military they don't use terms like nine thirty or nine o-clock, you have the hour usage correct to a degree. In the military they say Oh Nine hundred hours or half past Oh nine hundred, eight at night would be 20 hundred hours etc. Just something I only now remembered to bring up.
Something you may wish to take into account that I can't believe I keep forgetting about. When one is in the military they don't use terms like nine thirty or nine o-clock, you have the hour usage correct to a degree. In the military they say Oh Nine hundred hours or half past Oh nine hundred, eight at night would be 20 hundred hours etc. Just something I only now remembered to bring up.
1/2/2016 c28 Delta3950
How can mermaids be used as sex slaves, the ones used in the Goblet of Fire movie are hideous(with the exception of the "Painting" let's face it that's not a painting but an enchanted window.).
How can mermaids be used as sex slaves, the ones used in the Goblet of Fire movie are hideous(with the exception of the "Painting" let's face it that's not a painting but an enchanted window.).
1/1/2016 c22 Delta3950
You've got something off in your Authors note, the Blacks are an Ancient and Most Noble house, Malfoys are only a noble house.
You've got something off in your Authors note, the Blacks are an Ancient and Most Noble house, Malfoys are only a noble house.
1/1/2016 c21 Delta3950
I just thought of something, year two will most likely still have the Diary, but Aurora, or Gabriel, will most likely be at Hogwarts. So will Melody be answering to the Shade, which will most likely be in Ron's possession, or will Aurora, or Gabriel discover the Horcrux before it has a chance to begin using Mel? Also do you have any intention of cleansing Rowena's Diadem, Helga's Chalice, or Salazar's Locket? I got a crazy thought in regards to the Locket(since the Diadem is said to bestow increased wisdom the Chalice is an unknown numerous authors have used the theory that it increases the potency of potions by 10 times.) because it belonged to Salazar who was renowned for his ability of talking to snakes perhaps the locket is imbued with serpentine translation magic enabling a witch or wizard to hear what snakes are saying so long as they wear the locket and also be able to speak to them as well.
I just thought of something, year two will most likely still have the Diary, but Aurora, or Gabriel, will most likely be at Hogwarts. So will Melody be answering to the Shade, which will most likely be in Ron's possession, or will Aurora, or Gabriel discover the Horcrux before it has a chance to begin using Mel? Also do you have any intention of cleansing Rowena's Diadem, Helga's Chalice, or Salazar's Locket? I got a crazy thought in regards to the Locket(since the Diadem is said to bestow increased wisdom the Chalice is an unknown numerous authors have used the theory that it increases the potency of potions by 10 times.) because it belonged to Salazar who was renowned for his ability of talking to snakes perhaps the locket is imbued with serpentine translation magic enabling a witch or wizard to hear what snakes are saying so long as they wear the locket and also be able to speak to them as well.
1/1/2016 c19 Delta3950
There have been asses who did that, provide a character with a character pairing only to kill off the paired character. One such example of that was a Naruto and Pakura pairing, it hasn't been updated(far as I know) in at least 4 years, maybe 6 and the fool of an author decided to kill off Pakura just so he could have Danzo force Naruto to Marry Hinata. Anyways there are plenty of authors who did that including from what I've been told the author of Red and Yellow makes it's a NarutoxTayuya story. I've only read one Harry Potter crossover story that had something similar it's called Lord of Light, with the exception to the Ending the Author made it was a good story, in the end the five women Harry bonded to had their bonds removed though it was there decision to do it since Harry was allowing other worlds to be destroyed while he protected them.
There have been asses who did that, provide a character with a character pairing only to kill off the paired character. One such example of that was a Naruto and Pakura pairing, it hasn't been updated(far as I know) in at least 4 years, maybe 6 and the fool of an author decided to kill off Pakura just so he could have Danzo force Naruto to Marry Hinata. Anyways there are plenty of authors who did that including from what I've been told the author of Red and Yellow makes it's a NarutoxTayuya story. I've only read one Harry Potter crossover story that had something similar it's called Lord of Light, with the exception to the Ending the Author made it was a good story, in the end the five women Harry bonded to had their bonds removed though it was there decision to do it since Harry was allowing other worlds to be destroyed while he protected them.
1/1/2016 c18 Delta3950
Well considering the summary has Harry in a three way with Hermione, Ginny, and Fleur, I assume she lives.
Well considering the summary has Harry in a three way with Hermione, Ginny, and Fleur, I assume she lives.
12/31/2015 c14 Delta3950
Question, what's the Anti-LBGT Movement? Personally for those of us in the dark an Authors Note explaining that would have been nice.
Question, what's the Anti-LBGT Movement? Personally for those of us in the dark an Authors Note explaining that would have been nice.
12/31/2015 c13 Delta3950
In a way I know what you mean after having read a crap load of other stories I'm actually more familiar with fight scenes, that and my M rated games like Prototype 2. You know I kind of wonder what a cross over between that game and the Dead Island games would be like(that is to say Dead Island and Riptide, to hell with Escape Dead Island that game is crap I mean the 3 characters that were introduced at the beginning all get killed at one point or another. First was the girl who was infected by a Pouncer, then it was the guy friend and finally the dude you play as, like I said crap. Anyways think about it this way James Heller, Dana Mercer, and Amaya Heller are all relaxing in Banoi when the infection spreads James and Dana get mauled like the 4 playable characters, mean while Amaya managed to get outside and was able to make it to the life guard and the others. James recovers before the other 4(let's face it the black light virus takes that which can make the body stronger and adds it to the gene pool of the evolved, add on to the fact that a fully upgraded James Heller can regenerate his health you got someone who's damn near invulnerable) and when he see's Dana with a Fever and muttering deliriously he steels himself and injects her with the Black Light Virus thus giving her a fighting chance. The story focuses between James, and Dana, and Xian Mei's POVs. I happen to like the women simply because unlike Sam and Logan they're kind hearted and understanding not dumbasses who care only for themselves.
In a way I know what you mean after having read a crap load of other stories I'm actually more familiar with fight scenes, that and my M rated games like Prototype 2. You know I kind of wonder what a cross over between that game and the Dead Island games would be like(that is to say Dead Island and Riptide, to hell with Escape Dead Island that game is crap I mean the 3 characters that were introduced at the beginning all get killed at one point or another. First was the girl who was infected by a Pouncer, then it was the guy friend and finally the dude you play as, like I said crap. Anyways think about it this way James Heller, Dana Mercer, and Amaya Heller are all relaxing in Banoi when the infection spreads James and Dana get mauled like the 4 playable characters, mean while Amaya managed to get outside and was able to make it to the life guard and the others. James recovers before the other 4(let's face it the black light virus takes that which can make the body stronger and adds it to the gene pool of the evolved, add on to the fact that a fully upgraded James Heller can regenerate his health you got someone who's damn near invulnerable) and when he see's Dana with a Fever and muttering deliriously he steels himself and injects her with the Black Light Virus thus giving her a fighting chance. The story focuses between James, and Dana, and Xian Mei's POVs. I happen to like the women simply because unlike Sam and Logan they're kind hearted and understanding not dumbasses who care only for themselves.
12/31/2015 c11 Delta3950
Harry when you finally get to that point will most likely be updating his aunt/second cousin the Queen as well as his guardians about what's going on when he gets to Hogwarts. I mean seriously why wasn't Amelia or someone high up informed about what was going on at School Susan should have messaged her about the Basilisk but never did, just like when Harry's name came out of the Goblet of Fire she should have gone to her Aunt. Perhaps Harry will befriend more people than just Hermione and that idiot Ron.
Harry when you finally get to that point will most likely be updating his aunt/second cousin the Queen as well as his guardians about what's going on when he gets to Hogwarts. I mean seriously why wasn't Amelia or someone high up informed about what was going on at School Susan should have messaged her about the Basilisk but never did, just like when Harry's name came out of the Goblet of Fire she should have gone to her Aunt. Perhaps Harry will befriend more people than just Hermione and that idiot Ron.
12/30/2015 c7 Delta3950
On the one hand it's a good story, on the other a bit too much build up for my preference. On a third hand the delivery, despite how long it's taking to get to canon, is unbelievable.
On the one hand it's a good story, on the other a bit too much build up for my preference. On a third hand the delivery, despite how long it's taking to get to canon, is unbelievable.
12/30/2015 c1 Defender
Well, first I'd like to congratulate you for the fit posted fic. It certainly outdoes my first fic in a LOT of ways. However, that being said, writing is a type of music, setting the tone, beat and cadence are all important steps to draw in an audience. Like HP writing is magic. Weave the spell that enthralls your audience. That being said, watch out for simle grammer and formatting mistakes. A single comma or period can work wonders. Anyway, my advice for writing is this: each work should have ONE major improvement each time. For example, you decide to focus on character development the first time and it's p decent, so you focus on setting the second time while keeping up the development as the same level as last time.
I hope the suggestions helped!
Well, first I'd like to congratulate you for the fit posted fic. It certainly outdoes my first fic in a LOT of ways. However, that being said, writing is a type of music, setting the tone, beat and cadence are all important steps to draw in an audience. Like HP writing is magic. Weave the spell that enthralls your audience. That being said, watch out for simle grammer and formatting mistakes. A single comma or period can work wonders. Anyway, my advice for writing is this: each work should have ONE major improvement each time. For example, you decide to focus on character development the first time and it's p decent, so you focus on setting the second time while keeping up the development as the same level as last time.
I hope the suggestions helped!
312/27/2015 c1 Daredevil
I'm coming for this too
I'm coming for this too