for Harry Potter and the Shadow Legion1/17/2020 c20 
1PiBrain
It’s reasonably good, but it seems like magic is rarely used properly and is seriously limited in this universe. Like, a door gets broken and instead of just using Reparo, they remove the door and replace it.
1PiBrainIt’s reasonably good, but it seems like magic is rarely used properly and is seriously limited in this universe. Like, a door gets broken and instead of just using Reparo, they remove the door and replace it.
7/26/2019 c2 uzieh
"and never have they failed to protect the rightful ruler"
British history is full of rightful monarchs dying or getting killed
"and never have they failed to protect the rightful ruler"
British history is full of rightful monarchs dying or getting killed
5/20/2019 c1 16senawario
No idea if your beta is *also* a non-English speaker, but you have too many places where you say "safe" for "save" (and vice versa), life/live, relieve/relief and so on, not to mention "rapport" for "report". Worst of all you keep using the decimal point in place of the comma. If you want to write in French or German, that's fine, but no English speaking country uses the decimal point as a thousands separator.
I won't comment on ths story itself, since it's really just a mix of several other cliches, (about the only good thing I can say is that you do work hard at the details). I still kinda plodded through it, but the promise of the summary and the intro in chapter 1 never really came through in the finished product.
16senawarioNo idea if your beta is *also* a non-English speaker, but you have too many places where you say "safe" for "save" (and vice versa), life/live, relieve/relief and so on, not to mention "rapport" for "report". Worst of all you keep using the decimal point in place of the comma. If you want to write in French or German, that's fine, but no English speaking country uses the decimal point as a thousands separator.
I won't comment on ths story itself, since it's really just a mix of several other cliches, (about the only good thing I can say is that you do work hard at the details). I still kinda plodded through it, but the promise of the summary and the intro in chapter 1 never really came through in the finished product.
5/9/2019 c1 zeroi000
they did not notice someone like figgs following them dispite being some sort of super assassin's ?
also how do others keep noticing their facial exprecions they have masks on.
they did not notice someone like figgs following them dispite being some sort of super assassin's ?
also how do others keep noticing their facial exprecions they have masks on.
4/25/2019 c39 2Lordlexx
I have a long list of problems with the events of this chapter and how they were handled.
2LordlexxI have a long list of problems with the events of this chapter and how they were handled.
3/23/2019 c36 edhuffyahoo.co
Beta NOT doing too well. TWO misspellings in second sentence of AN.
Beta NOT doing too well. TWO misspellings in second sentence of AN.
1/21/2019 c10 Brightstone Keep
I keep tilting at this windmill, but every time I get to the video games and the GameCube magically existing in 1981 and I just can't...
I keep tilting at this windmill, but every time I get to the video games and the GameCube magically existing in 1981 and I just can't...
12/31/2018 c39 DontMindMe
I feel that that conflict was too forced.
They have no doubt been dealing with verbal abuse for most of the year, for a simple thing that has even had the evidence of who the real criminal was makes no senses.
Even with everything you have ssaid and shown this dues not add up nor dues the reactions of aurora or gabrielle, especially if they knew that there animagus form could couse this they would have dealt with it sooner (working of how they have dealt with everything so far) it feela like and excuse for you to a) not have them get the stone (or at least not yet) b) have them have a come back next year as some kind of military team c) to make up a reason for a really brutal and packed summer.
I was really loving the story up untill this and now i feel disappoint in you rather than the characters as there was not really even any kind of build up showen, very out of character for the characters you have written.
At least that is how i feel
I feel that that conflict was too forced.
They have no doubt been dealing with verbal abuse for most of the year, for a simple thing that has even had the evidence of who the real criminal was makes no senses.
Even with everything you have ssaid and shown this dues not add up nor dues the reactions of aurora or gabrielle, especially if they knew that there animagus form could couse this they would have dealt with it sooner (working of how they have dealt with everything so far) it feela like and excuse for you to a) not have them get the stone (or at least not yet) b) have them have a come back next year as some kind of military team c) to make up a reason for a really brutal and packed summer.
I was really loving the story up untill this and now i feel disappoint in you rather than the characters as there was not really even any kind of build up showen, very out of character for the characters you have written.
At least that is how i feel
12/29/2018 c2 DontMindMe
Just wanted to point out you said james mum as the queen's sister that would make james her nephew and not her cousin.
Loving then story so far
Just wanted to point out you said james mum as the queen's sister that would make james her nephew and not her cousin.
Loving then story so far
12/30/2018 c17 Rairi Valelira
Bringing guns to school huh? Actually, I can't imagine there even being any rule about guns in Hogwarts, or anyone knowing what they even are. In canon at least.
Bringing guns to school huh? Actually, I can't imagine there even being any rule about guns in Hogwarts, or anyone knowing what they even are. In canon at least.
12/2/2018 c6 N. A. Wennerholm
I love that Dumbledore is going to get a very public scolding and Humiliation and thus a Warning that his manipulation will be tolerated. Especially with him trying to control a member of the Royal family and a Founders Heir At that. And someone who Holds multiple Seats And this has the Power to dissolve the Wizengamont. Meaning Disband it. He has the seats of Potter, Peverell, Griffindore, Ravenclaw, Hufflepuff, And possibly Slytherin by By Pendragon by Blood and possibly Emrys my Blood Adoption.
I love that Dumbledore is going to get a very public scolding and Humiliation and thus a Warning that his manipulation will be tolerated. Especially with him trying to control a member of the Royal family and a Founders Heir At that. And someone who Holds multiple Seats And this has the Power to dissolve the Wizengamont. Meaning Disband it. He has the seats of Potter, Peverell, Griffindore, Ravenclaw, Hufflepuff, And possibly Slytherin by By Pendragon by Blood and possibly Emrys my Blood Adoption.