for Harry Potter and the Shadow Legion11/11/2018 c41 Seanthiar
Oh god, you do not have only a problem with grammar. You have a problem with the meaning of words and the spelling.
your, you're is not the same and you don't love someone from the bottom of your hearth, you love them from the bottom of your heart. That are only two examples. And I still believe the kids got bracelets not armbands because depending if you are british or not an armband is an aid for kids to learn swimming or for the not british the red/white/black things with swastika that were worn on the upper arm by the Nazi.
Oh god, you do not have only a problem with grammar. You have a problem with the meaning of words and the spelling.
your, you're is not the same and you don't love someone from the bottom of your hearth, you love them from the bottom of your heart. That are only two examples. And I still believe the kids got bracelets not armbands because depending if you are british or not an armband is an aid for kids to learn swimming or for the not british the red/white/black things with swastika that were worn on the upper arm by the Nazi.
11/5/2018 c15 BelfryBats
Okay, it is highly unlikely that the kids would be able to get to those hand guns from a military armory and if even if they could such things would be noticed sooner than later. Also it is a horrifically bad idea for them to even have those as most wizards barely know what a gun is let alone proper gun safety. Sure they probably know all that, but they are kids at a boarding school and if someone gets into their trunk somehow or the weapons gets left out it could end up disastrous.
Okay, it is highly unlikely that the kids would be able to get to those hand guns from a military armory and if even if they could such things would be noticed sooner than later. Also it is a horrifically bad idea for them to even have those as most wizards barely know what a gun is let alone proper gun safety. Sure they probably know all that, but they are kids at a boarding school and if someone gets into their trunk somehow or the weapons gets left out it could end up disastrous.
11/4/2018 c10 BelfryBats
I do like this story, lots of details, the characters are nicely developed, and the history and world building can be interesting. However there are a number of things that are off. Dan reacts quite calmly to his first view of magic and then riddles the rat with bullets. Which while cool and the rat totally deserved it, I sort of feel like that would not have gone down quite that way. Additionally the boot camp would need to be at least twice as long to allow new recruits to get properly acclimated to everything. Then some of the technology that was mentioned just doesn't fit in with the story as things like the game systems are way out of the time period. It is an unnecessary break in the world just for a "cool" scene plus the explanations behind it are weak. It is still rather good overall.
I do like this story, lots of details, the characters are nicely developed, and the history and world building can be interesting. However there are a number of things that are off. Dan reacts quite calmly to his first view of magic and then riddles the rat with bullets. Which while cool and the rat totally deserved it, I sort of feel like that would not have gone down quite that way. Additionally the boot camp would need to be at least twice as long to allow new recruits to get properly acclimated to everything. Then some of the technology that was mentioned just doesn't fit in with the story as things like the game systems are way out of the time period. It is an unnecessary break in the world just for a "cool" scene plus the explanations behind it are weak. It is still rather good overall.
9/18/2018 c7 WhimsyAndMalice
just on chapter seven and I'm loving it! I can't wait to see what happens later on
just on chapter seven and I'm loving it! I can't wait to see what happens later on
8/27/2018 c41 
1Eagle-Eyes
I have thoroughly enjoyed this story...
Looking forward to the sequel
Keep writing as life allows
1Eagle-EyesI have thoroughly enjoyed this story...
Looking forward to the sequel
Keep writing as life allows
7/30/2018 c4 Guest
balance? u just slaughtered an army lol
balance? u just slaughtered an army lol
5/23/2018 c26 tammgrogan
Hello, I just wanted to tell you how much I am enjoying rereading your Amazing story. It is so sweet, but also has a lot of exciting parts in it also. Thank you again for writing it. Take care.
Tammgrogan
Hello, I just wanted to tell you how much I am enjoying rereading your Amazing story. It is so sweet, but also has a lot of exciting parts in it also. Thank you again for writing it. Take care.
Tammgrogan
5/15/2018 c41 BillBrink
Well done and very enjoyable. Thanks for sharing it.
Well done and very enjoyable. Thanks for sharing it.
5/13/2018 c41 BillBrink
Thank you for a very entertaining story. Your last beta really helped. I look forward to reading the remainder of your series.
Thank you for a very entertaining story. Your last beta really helped. I look forward to reading the remainder of your series.
5/9/2018 c9 RonRR
“...We delve more than 20.000 pounds of gold each year, more than the rest of the world combined.”
Wow, those numbers are out by a lot. In 1982 world gold priduction was around 1400 metric tons, approximately 3 million pounds. Against that the Gringott’s production is a drop in the bucket.
If you are going to use numbers, please make an effort to ensure they are at least close.
Thank you for writing,
Ron
“...We delve more than 20.000 pounds of gold each year, more than the rest of the world combined.”
Wow, those numbers are out by a lot. In 1982 world gold priduction was around 1400 metric tons, approximately 3 million pounds. Against that the Gringott’s production is a drop in the bucket.
If you are going to use numbers, please make an effort to ensure they are at least close.
Thank you for writing,
Ron
2/4/2018 c1 1013yearsagediff
If they know sirius is innocent why isnt harry goignt o live with his godfather
1013yearsagediffIf they know sirius is innocent why isnt harry goignt o live with his godfather