Just In
Community
Forum
V
More
for Kamen rider drive With something else

8/29/2015 c1 Miss Whatshernam
You've stated that this is set during episode 33, then episode 3 ... yet from your description of what happens, it should be set during episode 30. I would advise not continuing it until you can decide exactly when during the show this is supposed to take place.

And, while you can ship what you like, Chase is not Kiriko's nor Gou's brother. He shares no genetic material in common with them (and neither do any of the other Roidmudes.) At best, he might be considered an adoptive brother; but don't make up nonsense and claim it's canon.
8/29/2015 c1 ignitedblue
Your fixation with pregnancy and rewriting basically the same fanfic over again for multiple Kamen Rider series is a little creepy. (Next year will we be seeing "Kamen Rider Ghost with something else! Akari is pregnant with Takeru's child"?) But if you're serious about this story, a few words of advice:

- You don't need to include asides like "Rinna, Drive's and Mach's technical support." If the reader knows who Shinnosuke, Kiriko and Gou are, they probably know who Rinna is.

- What you've done here is recap the plot of episode 30 (yet you claim this is set during episode three?) but with characters occasionally stating that Kiriko is pregnant. That's barely a story or a plot. It's not interesting to read. If you're going to use pregnancy as a narrative device, at least try to do something with it.

- Your author's note is both irrelevant and bizarre. Chase is not Kiriko's brother, nor Gou's brother, nor the other Roidmudes' brother. He doesn't share DNA with anyone. He's a robot! Imagine that Banno designed washing machines instead of robots. Would you say "Those washing machines are siblings!" or "That one over there is Kiriko's brother?" It's the same thing.

- You have written Chase out of character. Nowhere in the show does he refer to the other Roidmudes as "brothers" or "family." He doesn't understand even basic concepts about humans - it's unlikely he would know the signs of pregnancy.

- Your grammar and sentence structure are all over the place, making your story difficult to read or understand in places. If English isn't your strong point, that's perfectly understandable. But it might be a bit easier on the reader for you to use a beta reader.

Desktop Mode . Twitter . Help . Sign Up . Cookies . Privacy . Terms of Service