9/4 c53 heart.dramione
That not Remus? What! Great plot!

8/15 c1 2calihiker
First: Thank you for writing and for putting yourself out there. That takes guts and it is what makes this site work. Again, thank you.
Second, your premise interests me greatly. A few comments (specific and general):
Re my comments and notes: [] Whatever is inside is changed or added. If nothing is inside, it means I deleted something. a,b I am suggesting alternatives for you to pick. () general comment on grammar
•Even though it is clearly an alternative universe, your note/description of the story should state AU as of … Did the events of the first book take place or not? Did only some of them take place? E.g., AU, no philosopher’s stone. Completely AU. AU from end of PS.
•Harry began his first year of Hogwarts on 1 Sept 1991. He ended his first year on approximately 9 June 1992 (He was unconscious in the hospital wing for 3 days, stayed one more day, and went after the stone on 4 June 1992. Leaving feast was 8 June 1992. While hp-lexicon says they did not leave until 20 June 1992, that makes zero sense given the day of the LEAVING feast. However, 20 June 1992 is more consistent with the rest of the books). As the stories progress, JKR uses more and more of June.
•There are several grammatical errors in the first chapter.
•Each time you change the speaker or the topic, you start a new paragraph.
“I want my godson’s custody Albus.” Straight to the point.
“He is living with his aunt and uncle and I assure you he is perfectly safe there[,]” answered the old man.
(Thoughts are in quotes, too.) [Sirius’s thoughts raced. ]“Aunt[? A]s in Lily’s sister? Had Dumbledore completely lost it? Sending Harry to live with such a family?” [Sirius] had met that woman and her walrus of a husband for the first time at James and Lily’s wedding. [S]aying that he didn’t like her would be a huge understatement.
“Well[,] let me get, make something clear[,] will not be living with them for even a day more. As his godfather, I am his legal guardian[! Not you] and not some anti-magic muggles[!]” []
[F]or once[,] Albus Dumbledore realized that this wasn’t a discussion he would or could win.
•In general, when talking about current events, you want to write in the present tense: avoid so much past tense and using "be" as your active verb. For example, your paragraph starting, "Eleven year old Harry ..." is much stronger and holds interest better as:
[Eleven-year-old]* Harry Potter felt extremely nervous.** When his godfather offered him a home, Harry had readily accepted. Currently, his emotions were*** all messed up. He felt anticipation, eagerness, and joy at the thought of living with the man. At the same time, he also felt apprehensive and afraid. Harry did not (remember, know) his godfather at all. Yet Harry realized that his godfather had shown more kindness in an hour than his aunt and uncle had shown him in ten**** years. Still, he (feared, dreaded) that his godfather would reject him, shun him, or worse, send him back to ithem/i.
* Eleven-year-old is hyphenated because the entire phrase describes Harry instead of just the word “old.”
** You could rewrite that entire sentence as, “Eleven-year-old Harry Potter’s nerves skyrocketed, exploded, shot through the roof as he and his friends stepped down from the Hogwarts Express, the Hogwarts Express began to slow.
*** I would use “felt” here. Using “were all messed up” leaves the questions “by whom? or by what?” Either change to the active verb felt and maybe all messed up to jumbled or change the entire sentence to an active form such as, “Harry’s acceptance of Sirius’s offer left his emotions scrambled.”
**** I would use eleven years here since it is after 1 November 1991 and since they sent Harry money for Christmas which was the nicest they had ever been to Harry even though it was only to maintain appearances.
These are still your ideas and mostly your words. The changes just make the paragraph stronger and better able to hold a person’s interest.
•I would suggest a beta or that you do a rewrite now that you are further along in the story. I recommend the rewrite. From my own experience, YOU will be much happier with the story if you do and you will find new energy in going forward with the story. You will also catch a lot of plot holes that you did not mean to make as you go.
I do not usually do this, but if you would like to do a rewrite, I will agree to be your beta for the rewrite. As a beta, I will do what I did here: give you options that improve your writing.
As a beta, with this first Chapter, I would also tell you,
(1)the newspaper has a date of 29 June 1991 on it. It should be 1992 and it should be at the end of May. Hogwarts ends with at least one week left in June except for the TWT year when one of the events was on 24 June 1995 and when Dumbledore dies, which has the train going back in early July. (JKR never met a calendar that she would follow)

The parts seem inconsistent with each other (I am counting the separating lines as defining parts) and will confuse the reader.

First part declares on 29 June 1992 that Black was found innocent in a trial held the previous week. Using 1991 as you did, that means that Sirius’s trial was between 17 June and 23 June since Europe uses Monday as the start of the week. Using 1992, Sirius’s trial was between 22 and 28 June 1992 since 29 June 1992 is a Monday.

Second part –same day as previous part—Sirius storms Dumbledore’s office to demand custody

Third part—still same day—Sirius leaves to pick Harry up but he remembers meeting Harry a month ago when “he had been cleared only two days ago but the feeling of freedom was pure heaven.”

That would have made the “month ago” be on 29 May 1992 and then two days prior by 27 May 1992. Only then do we see, “Dumbledore had told him it would take a while before it was declared in the[ P]rophet.” This raises several questions that are not answered in your story and that do not make any sense without you providing an explanation: why? Wouldn’t Sirius be at risk of being killed/stopped everywhere he went if that was the case? Why would Sirius agree to that? Why would the Wizengamot agree to that? (Sirius is now Lord Black of the Most Ancient and Noble House of Black, the Wizengmot would protect one of their own rather than set a precedent that could see any of them in the same boat.) Why would the journalists that attend Wizengamot meetings/trials agree to embargo knowledge like that? Why would Sirius not go to the Black family mansion (not Grimmauld Place) immediately after he was cleared and left St Mungos (per your story, he only stayed there a week) regardless of whether others knew he was innocent or not? I could see it taking a week or two for Sirius to be cleared in the non-magical media.

My suggestion here is to either printout an actual 1991 calendar OR use a spreadsheet to keep track of actual dates. It becomes much less confusing the longer your story is.
(2)“Sirius[,] however[,] simply [barked] when he heard his name being called.” Was Sirius in dog form or human form for this sentence? If dog form, state he transformed. If human form, perhaps change “beaked” to “did his bark-like laugh”
Regardless of whether you want to revise chapters, do a rewrite, have a beta, or leave things as they are, good luck to you and please continue to write.
Thanks for writing and putting yourself out there.
Educator for life,
Calihiker

6/18 c6 halka heroda
No offence or anything but you said Sirios not Sirius just wanted to tell your mistake

3/3 c21 Nara17
Ron has stupid ideas. Harry needs to stop listening to him. He should have told Sirius about the basilisk!

1/9 c53 Guest
Please please please please update don’t abandon this story it is amazing

8/18/2023 c53 1CUPID-Potterhead420
crying this hasn't been updated in like a year ;-;

8/5/2023 c13 6Lewis James Potter
2ed - 6th
3rd - 7th
4th - Wood was here
5th - Johnson was Caption
6th and 7th Harry was caption

in Harry second year Wood would have been in his 5th. To align with wood being there in Harry 4th

6/15/2023 c53 Guest
Please post soon I’m dying of suspension