for Three Months1/30/2017 c1 Hawaiichick
Little Legolas is so precious. I just want to cuddle him. I love how you wrote the grief Thranduil felt. Beautiful.
Little Legolas is so precious. I just want to cuddle him. I love how you wrote the grief Thranduil felt. Beautiful.
8/5/2016 c1 
92Tori of Lorien
Even though it was short, I really enjoyed this little story! You managed to bring across a ton of emotion in the little bit that you've given us, and I really liked that!
I usually don't see Thranduil having more children besides Legolas, but I'm not against it, either. Especially when we don't know for sure. But I really feel like Thranduil's reactions to dealing with the loss of his wife (I'm wondering how she was killed) is accurate. I don't see him as really being the type to show that emotion, even after those three months, so him keeping it all in was a good touch.
Until, of course, Legolas completely breaks into the council when he's not allowed (loved the lingering question of what would Thranduil do in this situation since it's clearly against protocol). I also love that you have it being this little Elfling that breaks through his touch defenses– it's something I can definitely see! And Legolas' actions were just so heartbreaking and endearing. I love the image of him putting his hand over Thranduil's heart in describing what his mother has said. So touching! This whole little scene was just so, so sweet.
And I really liked the image of Thranduil accepting his other children and to allow them all this moment to grieve together. Very apt, I think, that he finally breaks down and allows this. That's when the healing can start.
And as short as it was, I'm really glad that you included the Halls of Mandos (and Mandos himself). It's refreshing to see! I don't see it too often. It's two lines, but I thought it was a powerful way to end the story. Because yes, healing can begin now.
I really liked this little story! I hope to see more from you! :)
Tori
P.S. If you ever wanna geek about Tolkien's characters, I'm totally down for that. I love doing it, too! :D
92Tori of LorienEven though it was short, I really enjoyed this little story! You managed to bring across a ton of emotion in the little bit that you've given us, and I really liked that!
I usually don't see Thranduil having more children besides Legolas, but I'm not against it, either. Especially when we don't know for sure. But I really feel like Thranduil's reactions to dealing with the loss of his wife (I'm wondering how she was killed) is accurate. I don't see him as really being the type to show that emotion, even after those three months, so him keeping it all in was a good touch.
Until, of course, Legolas completely breaks into the council when he's not allowed (loved the lingering question of what would Thranduil do in this situation since it's clearly against protocol). I also love that you have it being this little Elfling that breaks through his touch defenses– it's something I can definitely see! And Legolas' actions were just so heartbreaking and endearing. I love the image of him putting his hand over Thranduil's heart in describing what his mother has said. So touching! This whole little scene was just so, so sweet.
And I really liked the image of Thranduil accepting his other children and to allow them all this moment to grieve together. Very apt, I think, that he finally breaks down and allows this. That's when the healing can start.
And as short as it was, I'm really glad that you included the Halls of Mandos (and Mandos himself). It's refreshing to see! I don't see it too often. It's two lines, but I thought it was a powerful way to end the story. Because yes, healing can begin now.
I really liked this little story! I hope to see more from you! :)
Tori
P.S. If you ever wanna geek about Tolkien's characters, I'm totally down for that. I love doing it, too! :D
10/29/2015 c1 Guest
Good story. I love little Legolas stories.
Good story. I love little Legolas stories.
10/14/2015 c1 5The Elleth Meowen
*ripping noise* Did you hear that? That was my heart shattering. This was beautiful. You did very, very well in painting the scenes, and the emotion that Thranduil must have been experiencing... *sob*
Also, I love that you included the Halls of Mandos. Not many people seem to know about them, and it is great to have another person versed with Tolkien mythology. The only advice I have is this: you said that a server came in with the drinks. You might have wanted to say servant instead. This is a king, after all. He's not in a restaurant. But other than that small, nit-picky detail, I loved it.
5The Elleth Meowen*ripping noise* Did you hear that? That was my heart shattering. This was beautiful. You did very, very well in painting the scenes, and the emotion that Thranduil must have been experiencing... *sob*
Also, I love that you included the Halls of Mandos. Not many people seem to know about them, and it is great to have another person versed with Tolkien mythology. The only advice I have is this: you said that a server came in with the drinks. You might have wanted to say servant instead. This is a king, after all. He's not in a restaurant. But other than that small, nit-picky detail, I loved it.
9/30/2015 c1 1Ellie Gant
A really beautiful and emotive piece! You have a lovely writing style, too.
One suggestion is to include the translations of Sindarin to English at the end.
iôn - son, and according to , "ioneg" is 'my son'. I haven't got a clue with tithen pen, though. It doesn't matter if it's accurate or not, as long as you include the english at the end so we can see what they're saying :) Obviously it's better if it's accurate Sindarin, but if not, at least we know what you're trying to tell us.
"Thranduil Oropherion, King of the Woodland realm, sat in council. He rested his head in one hand, and his eyes were full of unshed tears." just for example. I think it's better to split it into two separate sentences. You probably need a comma after 'realm' because the comma here is (I like to call it) commas like parentheses. We can take "King of the Woodland realm" out of the sentence and it still makes sense. Therefore, it's not vital information and makes sense to put commas (like parentheses) around it. Alternatively:
"Thranduil Oropherion, King of the Woodland realm, sat in council, his head leaning in one hand, and his eyes full of unshed tears." If you really want it as one sentence. IMO, splitting them up works better but it's just a suggestion.
You should also pop a comma after chamber. And I have a feeling you need one: "a server entered, carrying a silver..."
:( What Legolas says to his father ;_; that's so beautiful.
If you intend ion-nin to mean "my son", you should probably put a comma before it. "I want that too, my son." (english version).
I think you're missing a comma after whispered, too (before the dialogue where it has ion-nin).
He looked up at his other children and walked over to them, picking up Legolas as he did so.
He looked up at his other children and, picking up Legolas, walked over to them.
I think? Maybe I'm wrong, but that's what my gut's telling me :)
Comma after 'withdrew', 100% certain on that one. "Silently the council members bowed and withdrew, leaving..."
It feels weird to me to have "in that moment" at the end of the sentence? "In that moment, a little warmth had re-entered the woodland realm." sounds better to me, but that's just my opinion.
"Bowing she said, 'Thank you, my lord - I..."
Need a comma after said 100%, and very sure after 'you', too.
I think the only things I've gone on about here are commas, elvish and maybe changing the order on 1 thing. Honestly, it's suuuuuper minor, but a comma can completely change the meaning of a sentence or make it much easier to read :) So, although minor, they are veeeery important things. :)
But again, suuuper beautiful and Legolas's line :( It made me so sad! I would love to see more of your writing (I checked your profile and there was nothing else to read ;_; )
PS. this is just how I review everyone, please do not be offended. I don't see the point in saying anything if I'm not going to tell you what I honestly think :) I also don't bother reading/reviewing writing that I don't enjoy. Tell me if you disagree/are unsure on things that I'm saying! I'd love to debate/explain about it. Again, I strongly recommend including translation in italic at the end. Maybe put a horizontal line and then list the translations after it? I'm really not sure on 'tithen pen' but I assume it's something like "my child/little one/dear one/etc"?
1Ellie GantA really beautiful and emotive piece! You have a lovely writing style, too.
One suggestion is to include the translations of Sindarin to English at the end.
iôn - son, and according to , "ioneg" is 'my son'. I haven't got a clue with tithen pen, though. It doesn't matter if it's accurate or not, as long as you include the english at the end so we can see what they're saying :) Obviously it's better if it's accurate Sindarin, but if not, at least we know what you're trying to tell us.
"Thranduil Oropherion, King of the Woodland realm, sat in council. He rested his head in one hand, and his eyes were full of unshed tears." just for example. I think it's better to split it into two separate sentences. You probably need a comma after 'realm' because the comma here is (I like to call it) commas like parentheses. We can take "King of the Woodland realm" out of the sentence and it still makes sense. Therefore, it's not vital information and makes sense to put commas (like parentheses) around it. Alternatively:
"Thranduil Oropherion, King of the Woodland realm, sat in council, his head leaning in one hand, and his eyes full of unshed tears." If you really want it as one sentence. IMO, splitting them up works better but it's just a suggestion.
You should also pop a comma after chamber. And I have a feeling you need one: "a server entered, carrying a silver..."
:( What Legolas says to his father ;_; that's so beautiful.
If you intend ion-nin to mean "my son", you should probably put a comma before it. "I want that too, my son." (english version).
I think you're missing a comma after whispered, too (before the dialogue where it has ion-nin).
He looked up at his other children and walked over to them, picking up Legolas as he did so.
He looked up at his other children and, picking up Legolas, walked over to them.
I think? Maybe I'm wrong, but that's what my gut's telling me :)
Comma after 'withdrew', 100% certain on that one. "Silently the council members bowed and withdrew, leaving..."
It feels weird to me to have "in that moment" at the end of the sentence? "In that moment, a little warmth had re-entered the woodland realm." sounds better to me, but that's just my opinion.
"Bowing she said, 'Thank you, my lord - I..."
Need a comma after said 100%, and very sure after 'you', too.
I think the only things I've gone on about here are commas, elvish and maybe changing the order on 1 thing. Honestly, it's suuuuuper minor, but a comma can completely change the meaning of a sentence or make it much easier to read :) So, although minor, they are veeeery important things. :)
But again, suuuper beautiful and Legolas's line :( It made me so sad! I would love to see more of your writing (I checked your profile and there was nothing else to read ;_; )
PS. this is just how I review everyone, please do not be offended. I don't see the point in saying anything if I'm not going to tell you what I honestly think :) I also don't bother reading/reviewing writing that I don't enjoy. Tell me if you disagree/are unsure on things that I'm saying! I'd love to debate/explain about it. Again, I strongly recommend including translation in italic at the end. Maybe put a horizontal line and then list the translations after it? I'm really not sure on 'tithen pen' but I assume it's something like "my child/little one/dear one/etc"?
9/29/2015 c1 4Mirkwood Warrior
Aww This was beautiful. Thank you for writing it. I love to see Thranduil portrayed as a loveing father as well as a cold ruler.
This was very well written and I really enjoyed it.
4Mirkwood WarriorAww This was beautiful. Thank you for writing it. I love to see Thranduil portrayed as a loveing father as well as a cold ruler.
This was very well written and I really enjoyed it.