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for Boys Day

8/8/2018 c1 10Kambriel
Oh, and Goliaths, usually referred to as Blondi in spider circles, can hiss through their book lungs.
8/8/2018 c1 Kambriel
I had hoped it was a Goliath Birdeater. Largest of the tarantulas, only moderately aggressive. Their bite hurts like a Son of a biscuit eater, but is not particularly dangerous. Beautiful spider.
7/11/2017 c1 Guest
Rachel is dying.
3/2/2017 c1 TLW
Hey Dolphin
We need more stories can you please write another one?
1/17/2017 c1 jag389
I enjoyed it. Thanks for sharing.
10/7/2015 c1 DurtySanchez
In the situation you present re the spider bite; Tommy disturbs one hiding under a rock and reaches towards it. Challenger grabs the child and gets bitten on the hand; how? Challenger would have grabbed Tommy from behind and pulled him away from the danger. These spiders don’t launch themselves into the air to attack people, they bite people because they are disturbed on the ground or in their hiding place. The show went for nonsensical plot lines so maybe that’s why you continue in the same vein?
You say your story is about a nice family day but it’s not; it’s about you having decided to include a spider in your story. You then didn’t bother to research it properly. It’s no good being petulant and blaming your sources of information. The fact you use Wikipedia speaks volumes….
Where you lack skill is in use of punctuation, too many full stops because you don’t know the basics of grammar and sentence construction. The story itself is very mundane, it lacks descriptive language. I don’t see an improvement, I see someone who, like most here, dislikes reviews unless they lavish praise on what is a maladroitly written story.
10/6/2015 c1 Guest
Spider facts are based on information found on several websites. Guiness Book of World Records, Wikipedia, Outdoor Life, Planet Deadly, National Geographic are just a few to mention. If the facts about the spider given are incorrect then you need to complain to these respected sites not me.
Also however the hissing sound is made it still sounds like a hiss so that stays. Also the dry bite inflicted in this story is another fact found doing research. Regardless the main focus of the story was not the spider, it was the explorers enjoying themselves a bit.
10/6/2015 c1 sybermann
You badly need to work on your sentence structure! The basics of punctuation and grammar are still a problem for you. Your style in general remains immature and unpolished. The dialogue at times doesn’t sound right and the piece lacks imagery; mainly due to your limited vocabulary.
Strange that Geminiexplorer doesn’t care for stories with children in them as one of his fics features a very precocious and badly written son of the improbably paired Challenger and Finn. Geminiexplorer is a Gary-Stu who self inserts himself as Challenger.
The Australian Funnel Web, Brown Recluse are amongst the most deadly. The Brazilian Wandering Spider (Greek for murderess (Phoneutria)) does tend to inject a small amount of venom with each bite. An interesting side effect for male victims of aPhoneutria bite is priapism, poor Challenger!
Spiders do not hiss, they do not possess vocal chords. You mean stridulation; tarantulas can make a hissing sound by rubbing their bristly legs together however Phoneutria are not hairy enough to stridulate.
10/2/2015 c1 33Gemini Explorer
I thought the Australian Funnel Web spider was the worst. Will check on this Brazilian species. Many spiders are highly toxic to humans. The Brown Recluse causes horrible tissue damage and some amputations. Just really grim.

It is true that some animals, inc. venomous snakes, may strike without releasing venom. This is called a "dry bite." Some scientists think that almost half of US snakebites are of this sort. Some species are more likely to deliver serious envenomation than others, and some are very fast moving, like the African mambas and the Australian taipan and brown snake. Some also have bad tempers, and will deliver venom in most bites.

I suppose that if this spider bite does affect George, the Zanga shaman may have an antidote.

I think the spider and the detail about it is wonderful. I once had Finn kill a different spider or tarantula with a machete having a 12-inch blade. She had previously used it to behead an injured Tropical Rattlesnake, Crotalus durissus. I had fun picturing just which sort of knife Roxton probably used on this big spider. And I had George use a longer Collins brand machete to kill an Eyelash Viper. (I'd have to look up the scientific name.) I think such scenes add a lot to stories, especially if a real spider or snake species is cited. Most TV writers don't know animals well and the show didn't include many speies that it should have. But budgets and availalibility in Australia and time limits in 45 minute episodes made such complications rare. And the very real risk from some species just wouldn't justify having them on set. Fic authors have a much broader canvas on which to paint. I hope that some readers like the animal info and learn from it.

I'd never thought of the men swimming. I guess I felt the women would be all for fun in the water and the men hesitant to enter it, more concerned about its hazards. Or, maybe I just wanted to picture the girls undressed for swimming. But you carried this off very well, although I think they'd have to swim further from the Treehouse. And you handled the issue of little Tommy well, too. Like most men, I don't like to read much about kids, but this was nicely done.

It's good to see another new TLW fic, despite the villainy of some bullies offering vile, taunting reviews.

I'll look for your other new story. This one was about the right length for a quick read. You and Bingo 32 have a knack for that. I tend to be more wordy, and not every fan wants to read novelettes or Mature-rated fics.

Well done!
10/1/2015 c1 Ally
This was such a pleasure to read! The flow of it was very natural, not to mention how adorable the presented situation was! Finally, I must say I am overjoyed that people still write fanfiction for this great show. I hope tehre is more coming from you in the future! Best regards.

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