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6/12 c3 1FangLord1234X
wait did jaune just use Kamui?
1/16/2019 c2 The Critic
Cliche but alright, until you started to drop on the grammar scoring. Spso, with the cursing, there is no way that T-rated. Did you even read the rating description?
11/18/2018 c1 1World Maker 777
go for a Bird, its rarely been done before.
But wolf is practically a cliché at this point.
12/18/2017 c3 Guest
Good idea, but someone who gained power like Kilia wouldn't need anyone nor their company. And why get rid of Crocea Mors when he could have kept it as a insult to his former family. Also, shit grammar.
6/26/2016 c5 Cain
Well then I look forward to reading the new version.
6/26/2016 c4 Ilovemetoo
Dude... no. Betrayal, death, cloning!? I get that you wanna have funs but there are limits to how stupid a premise can get.

It's already bad enough that you have RWBY and JNPR kill Jaune because someone ordered them to but cloning Jaune so he can come back as the hero and save the world?

Keep your self-insert wishes to yourself.
6/26/2016 c5 Jayz21501
can't wait to read it
6/5/2016 c4 Zeroclearance
I really do hope you continue this fic its promising I've had way to many people end there fics short
4/25/2016 c4 Guest
This story is good just a few grammar errors but I really want to see where you take this story so please update soon
12/31/2015 c4 key91blades
1
12/17/2015 c2 5Kuro kaze no aka kira
My first thought whilst reading this was "... What the fuck is this piece of shit?", but you asked for nice reviews and I can understand the joys of writing, so I'll try to be as nice as I can possibly be. Which probably won't even qualify as nice. So clench your butt cheeks.
The very first thing I took notice of is the grammar. You need to be careful of what you're typing at all times. Good English grammar isn't only useful as a writer, it's also useful in the real world, so you should probably keep up with that.
Second is the vent scene. When Jaune was venting to Ozpin, all I could really think about is that you, the author, must be really angry when you were writing it. There was too much anger, but none of it came from the character. It just felt like you were the one venting. Keep in mind to always keep your characters in... well, character. Even if this is AU. Also, grammar. Make use of pauses ( , ) at times like that.
Then there is the way Jaune and Ozpin interacted. It was pretty cringy TBH. I felt absolutely no emotion at all. It was like they were just... I dunno, they were weird. Jaune was all like "Professor, I have a favor to ask," and Ozpin was all like "What is it?" It was weird. Jaune knew that Ozpin knew that he sneaked into Beacon, that should make him indebted to Ozpin. Granted, the final wishes of a student, yadda yadda, but just... what..?
And then there was the deal. Jaune needs to come back after two years? To finish his training? What? When he went to all that trouble of dropping out and saying to the headmaster that he's going whether anyone likes it or not? What? Just... what?
And finally, the other characters' reaction. It's... weird too. They talk shit about him and now they're sorry and crying and shit? I get Ruby, because Jaune is her first friend at Beacon and stuff, but the others? It's just plain weird.

So yeah. I hope I didn't offend you too much. I honestly like the plotline though - Betrayed!Jaune is always pretty cool. Tried and true prompt and stuff. Maybe you should get a beta reader/editor. That'll make this easier for you. And remember to always just have fun writing.
12/15/2015 c2 AmbivertCollegeGuy
I should also mention that the reason why the characters being treated as assholes is bad is not so much for them being assholes but being such for "no reason". There isn't an explanation as to why. They're just assholes because the story says so.

Similar to how Ozpin simply agrees with Jaune about everything. He's a representation of what the fanfic wants its readers to feel like. Don't ask, don't think, just feel sorry for Jaune and hate those who treat him badly which is everyone but Ozpin.
12/15/2015 c3 AmbivertCollegeGuy
Wow. This is one of the worst fanfics I've ever read. The premise is disgusting, the characters are horrible, the writing is simplistic, there's nothing good about this except for the idea of Jaune leaving Beacon and forging his own path. But instead of seeing that we get a timeskip where Jaune is OP and humiliates everyone who disowned him... and that means every single character of RWBY. Even the OCs are treated as assholes who Jaune needs to prove wrong.

The way this fanfic worships Jaune by using every other character is what's so disgusting of the premise. Everyone is forced into being worst than Cardin to make you feel sorry for Jaune but the only person I feel sorry for is the characters who are treated so badly by the story just so that Jaune can look good. It's not just OOC. It's completely insulting to the characters. And it's all so that the premise works but the premise is Jaune is god, Jaune is life, bow to Jaune.

This is an insult to Jaune's well thought and developed character and the RWBY series as a whole.
12/15/2015 c4 gusbot3000
I'm down with the new story idea. Whenever it comes out I'll be sure to check it out and give review. :)
11/28/2015 c3 1gandalf da black
It's an interesting idea but Its to fast paced. I think it would be best if you added more details.
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