for A Different Divergent11/7/2019 c3 Charms22
Poor Tris:-( nad her mom pushed her to go and help Marcus. Is her mom so oblivious or what?
Poor Tris:-( nad her mom pushed her to go and help Marcus. Is her mom so oblivious or what?
10/17/2019 c4 carrie love
OK, so Marcus threatened her but her mother should have still noticed something was wrong.
OK, so Marcus threatened her but her mother should have still noticed something was wrong.
10/17/2019 c3 carrie love
I am very late reading this and it is an ok story but where is in hell is her mother not to notice what is going on? !
I am very late reading this and it is an ok story but where is in hell is her mother not to notice what is going on? !
6/30/2016 c1 
7Team Wingless
Hey again, so great try for your second story once again. I definitely see improvement. I caught little things like "they had went" should be "they had gone" but overall you had a beginning, a climax, and a comedown, which is the basis for a good story. So keep going!
7Team WinglessHey again, so great try for your second story once again. I definitely see improvement. I caught little things like "they had went" should be "they had gone" but overall you had a beginning, a climax, and a comedown, which is the basis for a good story. So keep going!
5/23/2016 c5 Guest
Your writing is good please update
Your writing is good please update
5/21/2016 c5 3annoyingprincess
I'm sorry if you don't think my writing is any good I'm only in 8th grade and I'm trying my best so forgive me if I don't do everything correct but I also am writing on a tablet so if I mess up in sorry and no I am not going to cry if you post a mean review or say it is super bad but there is a reason I ask you to review and it is so I can make it better
3annoyingprincessI'm sorry if you don't think my writing is any good I'm only in 8th grade and I'm trying my best so forgive me if I don't do everything correct but I also am writing on a tablet so if I mess up in sorry and no I am not going to cry if you post a mean review or say it is super bad but there is a reason I ask you to review and it is so I can make it better
5/18/2016 c5 Guest
You keep asking why people aren't reviewing, and asking for concrit.
The reason you're not getting any is that your writing is terrible, which is hardly a surprise as you can't even spell ERUDITE and ABNEGATION correctly in your summary.
The reason you're not getting any concrit is that there are so many problems in your story (spelling, grammar, punctuation) that it would take hours of work to get it to at least look passable, and no-one is prepared to do all that, especially as you'd probably flounce away in tears, insisting that your writing is the best, and refusing to fix it.
I mean, look at this sentence:
"I was surprised when she was so good out of all the 20 people who picked Dauntless she was the best at throwing knifes and the punching bags though we still hadn't done hand to hand combat I believe she will get 1st place on the scoreboard tomorrow she will be fighting Molly and then the day after that I will have her go against Peter just because I can tell he is jerk and will go after her if he thinks she is weak."
What the hell is this? The mix of present and past tenses and the inability to form plurals (it's 'knives', not 'knifes') is the least of the problems here.
You wanted concrit? Fix your shit before you write any more.
You keep asking why people aren't reviewing, and asking for concrit.
The reason you're not getting any is that your writing is terrible, which is hardly a surprise as you can't even spell ERUDITE and ABNEGATION correctly in your summary.
The reason you're not getting any concrit is that there are so many problems in your story (spelling, grammar, punctuation) that it would take hours of work to get it to at least look passable, and no-one is prepared to do all that, especially as you'd probably flounce away in tears, insisting that your writing is the best, and refusing to fix it.
I mean, look at this sentence:
"I was surprised when she was so good out of all the 20 people who picked Dauntless she was the best at throwing knifes and the punching bags though we still hadn't done hand to hand combat I believe she will get 1st place on the scoreboard tomorrow she will be fighting Molly and then the day after that I will have her go against Peter just because I can tell he is jerk and will go after her if he thinks she is weak."
What the hell is this? The mix of present and past tenses and the inability to form plurals (it's 'knives', not 'knifes') is the least of the problems here.
You wanted concrit? Fix your shit before you write any more.
5/15/2016 c5 Guest
How was it? To be brutally honest it's shit or not very good.
How was it? To be brutally honest it's shit or not very good.