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for An Empire of Traitors

12/9/2015 c3 DrGonzo71
A very good read, and a rather original story. Good to see one of those. It needs some refinement with the use of numbers when words would be better and capital letters, but otherwise great.
11/2/2015 c1 19BIBOTOT
6 out of 10.

Well, this happened. Some thoughts I have after reading through this many times over:

- Is Samuel a Fallen Dark Angel? He is certainly up to something suspicious. Also the Dark Angel Chapter Master is Azrael, not Azriel.

- Some of the scenes with the Inquisitor are a bit suggestive, such as grinning maniacally or looking down upon a prey. I don't know how to feel about that. Quite funny, actually.

- One of the most common problems with 40k fanfic is that there is little introduction or anything and we are all of a sudden in the middle of it. I feel like a lot of information could have been explained to make the chapter better. Ever scene seems to happen too quickly and sometimes I get lost as to who is saying or doing what.

- Slow down a bit. Give characters more time to express themselves.

Keep that in mind. Hope you can improve.

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