for King and Country2/11/2022 c1 Litestryke
Man this was such a fun read!
Poor Vlad. And our Jana too, mourning the guy. And, excuse my crudeness, but I kinda wished Serana would he willing to join Ellen and King- ahem, Emperor Brian the first.
Ah, Brian. Finally having enough of stepping back and letting teh world continue and ignore atrocity and deciding to do some good with your skill.
Edmonson is a smart man.
All hail Emperor Brian the First
Man this was such a fun read!
Poor Vlad. And our Jana too, mourning the guy. And, excuse my crudeness, but I kinda wished Serana would he willing to join Ellen and King- ahem, Emperor Brian the first.
Ah, Brian. Finally having enough of stepping back and letting teh world continue and ignore atrocity and deciding to do some good with your skill.
Edmonson is a smart man.
All hail Emperor Brian the First
10/8/2019 c1 Margravine
I would watch the Shit out of this movie!
I would watch the Shit out of this movie!
4/12/2017 c1 
2D72
I liked it, but kept casting Nathon Fillion. And I doubt he could sell british. Maybe hot fuzz a bit of it up, but this could work.
2D72I liked it, but kept casting Nathon Fillion. And I doubt he could sell british. Maybe hot fuzz a bit of it up, but this could work.
8/26/2016 c1 PerrinA
Sorry, the subject was interesting, but the format was hard to read. If I had been looking for a play or movie script it would have been one thing, but the majority of the readers here are looking for something else.
Sorry, the subject was interesting, but the format was hard to read. If I had been looking for a play or movie script it would have been one thing, but the majority of the readers here are looking for something else.
4/7/2016 c1 1Howard Russell
Three problems with this story:
1: FFN is for fan fiction only. Its sister site, FictionPress, is for original works.
2: Script format isn't allowed on either site. Such stories will be deleted without warning.
3: Once a story has been submitted to either site, it cannot be sold without the permission of that site. I hope you aren't planning to try to sell this script.
Which is a shame. I'd like to see this movie made.
1Howard RussellThree problems with this story:
1: FFN is for fan fiction only. Its sister site, FictionPress, is for original works.
2: Script format isn't allowed on either site. Such stories will be deleted without warning.
3: Once a story has been submitted to either site, it cannot be sold without the permission of that site. I hope you aren't planning to try to sell this script.
Which is a shame. I'd like to see this movie made.
1/3/2016 c1 1BadLoki
Not a huge fan of 'screenplay' format stories, but in this instance, if this was made into a movie, I would be happy to pay money to watch it on the big screen - nice job.
1BadLokiNot a huge fan of 'screenplay' format stories, but in this instance, if this was made into a movie, I would be happy to pay money to watch it on the big screen - nice job.
11/10/2015 c1 3RemoWilliams
I did the child soldier scene because I wanted to that Brian was capable of brutality, if there was no other option. After all, what was he supposed to do? Hold the kid over for prosecution? It wasn't his jurisdiction and the local government didn't care.
He had the choice of letting the kid go, free to rob, rape and murder. Or, to kill him. Plus, he had to make the choice in the space of a minute or two before the Kid's allies ambushed him.
The way the original James Bond was written, he had a strong element of thuggishness in him. He was a guy who kept getting tossed into ugly situations and surviving. A huge part of that was because he capable of killing people on a moment's notice.
I can see your point, but I think the scene fits in with the character.
The computer part? Again, I see your point. But, you have to admit, Secret Agent movies have tons of gadgets that ignore common sense. A laser watch that can cut through steel, for example. I did that scene because it's a cool visual. The spike pops out, he stabs the computer.
Finally, the ending wedding scene montage is where we get all the pomp and pageantry.
3RemoWilliamsI did the child soldier scene because I wanted to that Brian was capable of brutality, if there was no other option. After all, what was he supposed to do? Hold the kid over for prosecution? It wasn't his jurisdiction and the local government didn't care.
He had the choice of letting the kid go, free to rob, rape and murder. Or, to kill him. Plus, he had to make the choice in the space of a minute or two before the Kid's allies ambushed him.
The way the original James Bond was written, he had a strong element of thuggishness in him. He was a guy who kept getting tossed into ugly situations and surviving. A huge part of that was because he capable of killing people on a moment's notice.
I can see your point, but I think the scene fits in with the character.
The computer part? Again, I see your point. But, you have to admit, Secret Agent movies have tons of gadgets that ignore common sense. A laser watch that can cut through steel, for example. I did that scene because it's a cool visual. The spike pops out, he stabs the computer.
Finally, the ending wedding scene montage is where we get all the pomp and pageantry.
11/10/2015 c1 2Caelleh
I don't know if you're trying to sell the screenplay, but having the protagonist shoot a child soldier in cold fury is off putting, even if he was a murderer. The subsequent part where they bury the bodies is much for that, since it shows the horrors of war just as well, and then the scene just a bit later where they rescue the woman from being kidnapped is just as good at showing Brian's fatal justice. You probably know that writing a screenplay is much different from writing a story. In a story, that's just part of the story, and whoever is reading it will deal with it. In a screenplay, that's an offputting scene, and what you're trying to convey should be shown by other methods, or it'll be cut, or the screenplay ignored for being too offputting.
His gadget - a smartphone like thing with a spike that when inserted the right way sucks out all the data? That's the least believable thing I've read in a long time. It'd be easier to wave off the hacking by having him insert a USB stick or something into an actual data port, or straight up jack the hard drive since he ended up killing every guard that came up, so we know he doesn't care too much about secrecy. That's not really a story issue, that's just me being a computer engineer and thinking that's just wrong.
As for his becoming King, I thought it would be much grander, and not just a scene set behind closed doors with a few people. It doesn't feel real, or at least, not official.
That last scene with Reaves was very fun and dramatic, but Ellen's one-liner was just cheesy as hell. I think a dramatic reveal with no words would have worked just as well. The "This isn't over" "Yes it is" thing works best if it's said when stepping out of the shadows right as the person dies. There's no way she would have heard him say "This isn't over!" if she was already walking away through the busy office to do her line.
Anyway, fun story, fun plot, kind of too respecty at some points, Brian is too competent at some points, Andrej is too likeable at others, it could really use some polish, but all in all very fun, and it could be a pretty good movie. As a story though, great outline, and with some more fleshing out and more realism it could sell a few thousand copies as a novel.
2CaellehI don't know if you're trying to sell the screenplay, but having the protagonist shoot a child soldier in cold fury is off putting, even if he was a murderer. The subsequent part where they bury the bodies is much for that, since it shows the horrors of war just as well, and then the scene just a bit later where they rescue the woman from being kidnapped is just as good at showing Brian's fatal justice. You probably know that writing a screenplay is much different from writing a story. In a story, that's just part of the story, and whoever is reading it will deal with it. In a screenplay, that's an offputting scene, and what you're trying to convey should be shown by other methods, or it'll be cut, or the screenplay ignored for being too offputting.
His gadget - a smartphone like thing with a spike that when inserted the right way sucks out all the data? That's the least believable thing I've read in a long time. It'd be easier to wave off the hacking by having him insert a USB stick or something into an actual data port, or straight up jack the hard drive since he ended up killing every guard that came up, so we know he doesn't care too much about secrecy. That's not really a story issue, that's just me being a computer engineer and thinking that's just wrong.
As for his becoming King, I thought it would be much grander, and not just a scene set behind closed doors with a few people. It doesn't feel real, or at least, not official.
That last scene with Reaves was very fun and dramatic, but Ellen's one-liner was just cheesy as hell. I think a dramatic reveal with no words would have worked just as well. The "This isn't over" "Yes it is" thing works best if it's said when stepping out of the shadows right as the person dies. There's no way she would have heard him say "This isn't over!" if she was already walking away through the busy office to do her line.
Anyway, fun story, fun plot, kind of too respecty at some points, Brian is too competent at some points, Andrej is too likeable at others, it could really use some polish, but all in all very fun, and it could be a pretty good movie. As a story though, great outline, and with some more fleshing out and more realism it could sell a few thousand copies as a novel.
11/9/2015 c1 Tarnum1
Loved it. Favorite line was from sir Jasper, A little climb like that was nothing...
A little cheesy but better than a lot of movies that actually got made.
Loved it. Favorite line was from sir Jasper, A little climb like that was nothing...
A little cheesy but better than a lot of movies that actually got made.
11/9/2015 c1 Thaago
Nicely done!
I had a moment of empathy for the thug with the hatchet before he was killed. His hyper preparedness/willingness to banter could have gotten him promoted in a later movie, should he have lived.
Thanks for writing!
Nicely done!
I had a moment of empathy for the thug with the hatchet before he was killed. His hyper preparedness/willingness to banter could have gotten him promoted in a later movie, should he have lived.
Thanks for writing!