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for Naruto: Horned Gunman (Thing Thing, Naruto and Elfen Lied crossover)

9/13/2020 c1 Kingkong101
I cannot begin to count how many shits are in this story.
4/29/2016 c2 6CharitysSongbird
Well whatever you feel best for your work, I know my first few chapters were less than impressive, so I hope to see your new work, and how it plays out. Still i hope you can make a fun story, as few of the ideas including, naruto's appearance, the cross over with elfin lied and a few of the jokes were rather clever.

1. might want to use "these" instead of the - lines you were, as it helps break up the read and make it feel more like a conversation, rather than a bullet point.
2. Reasons, i see this everywhere on this sight, but reasons are often forgotten, In this one you have some fun ideas, but few reasons for them that are given, like why hate naruto, what his family relation to one another is etc. just a little time could help alot.
3. Consistency, it is apparent you really like call of duty, fair enough, but i have to ask if you feel it really fits here? as the technology seems to render the vectors pointless and vice versa, from what elfin lied showed. If i can suggest something, perhaps leave out the guns, and maybe scale back the vectors so that he may start with the 4 of Mu, but then as time goes he gets more like tails of kurama that kind of thing, just a thought. As for the tecnology, its your choice, just if they have advance robotics and the like then why would any of the shinobi be in buisness, when a chopper, tank, spaceship, satalites etc. exist. Just a bit of trimming could help this along. Though i don't begrude you wanting naruto to have a hundred invisible hands holding a small arcinal of guns :P. Perhaps a good compromise would be using something like the strom village's kunai launchers, and the like, so its like a gun, but has a presidince in cannon.

At any rate hope your wrighting goes well, and good luck.
4/4/2016 c1 29Silvereye-BW
Cool start. Can't wait for more.
2/23/2016 c1 strabimonx
nice next chapter please
11/12/2015 c1 2Darklight-Dragon21
its an interesting story
nothing against it but will all chapters be this long?
plus like u said at the start i think this is the first story to do the sasuke has a twin sister
and its her thats getting bashed not him which is strange but not unpleasant to read
i would love to read more of this story so please update it as soon as u can :)
11/11/2015 c1 BANKAIZEN

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